Okiedokie. Here we go. You asked me to focus on point of view, whether it is daunting or distracting.
Let me start off by saying that your title is really good, and I would be confused for a while were it not there.
I love your opening stanza. It's one complete thought, yet quiet and unexpected in a way. You start off with a narrator at her wit's end, and I think that's a good place to begin in the narrative of this person's life.
I'm not as sure about the second stanza. I like the unexpected "with a capital / 'Hey...'" and yet at the same time, the words in quotation marks aren't actually something the character would say to anyone, is it? I feel like if it cuts across that thought it should be something that it actually said, some gripping statement that doesn't make your narrator seem so whiny.
(Shit, I think I just pissed off my roommate because I was sitting here typing and she woke up. Ugh. She went to bed earlier than I did....)
The third and fourth stanzas are pretty good. I think the middle lines of the fourth could say something that doesn't so exactly restate the first line - is there something the narrator used to do as a child, like imagine what he looked like or pretend he tucked her into bed? Did she pretend to talk to him, like he was an imaginary friend? Don't forget to correct the punctuation typo at the end of this stanza.
When I read the fifth stanza for the first time, I thought that it could very easily be the end to the poem. Of course, this would cut out the last several stanzas, but do you really need them as much to tell your story? Just something to think about. In any case, I feel like you should change up the ends of the lines so they aren't all end-stopped. The rest of your poem has enjambed phrases (which cut off on one line and spill over into the next without punctuation) in pretty much every stanza and I feel like all the punctuation makes this one very important stanza too simple. In this stanza the narrator finally shrugs their shoulders, decides they doesn't need him to be there anymore, and also bridges into the proof of why they no longer needs him.
The last couple stanzas are good. I like the interspersed lines that cut across them, Your examples make it clear exactly how he filled the void, and I don't think you should make any changes to them (unless you decide to cut them).
I'm not sure if I like the last line though. Is there a more positive way to end the poem? "Everything you never bothered to be" sounds like a moody line from the narrator's standpoint, and like they are still dwelling on their loss despite asserting how much better this real dad is. I don't think it's necessary that you change it, because I still get the idea from it being this way, but if a line comes to you that makes the narrator less brooding, you may want to change it.
Overall, I really like this poem. And you said you hated poetry. Psh.
Sperm Donors Don't Count by NJ, POV
