welcome

, THE GREATER GOOD IS `
MATTHEW ISAAC KILLAM
if we catch a criminal,
when we catch a criminal,
there's nothing we can do,
but play cops and robbers .

YOU WOULD'VE MADE A GREAT MUPPET ``

name/alias; ike.
age; seventeen.
how you found us; advert on rpg-directory.
why you're joining; -looks at forum- do you really need this; both this board and "Hot Fuzz" are awesome.
other characters; ---
experience; four years.
anything else; other than how awesome this place is -- woops, stop me if my grovelling becomes tedious.

HERE COMES THE FUZZ ``

full name; matthew isaac killam.
nicknames; just call him matt, luffs.
date of birth and age; fourteenth of february 1973 ;; thirty-five.
alliance; newark police service.
sexual orientation; heterosexual.
their views on newark;

"HA! Do you know how long I've lived in this shit-hole for? Ever since I was a kid, I've longed for freedom . . .okay, as tempting as it is to go into an 'Oliver Twist Musical' I'll just cut a long story short by saying that I don't entirely hate this place. Sure it's a crap-hole but London's much worse---But Newark's still a crap-hole! One which I don’t like. 'Oom papa, oom papa . . .' "

IT'S JUST THE ONE SWAN, ACTUALLY ``

hair;

For somebody as laid back as himself, appearance is of vital importance to Matt Killam. Due to this, his hair is subject to many "Frankenstein Experiments." I know, that doesn't make too much sense but it's a phrase that most in the Newark Police Service have associated to him because of his numerous hair-styles. Don't misunderstand me, Matt doesn't pop in one day with "an Elvis Presley thing going on." However, the capacity to do so is defiantly there. Far from it, Matt's experiments on his hair are subtle and only close friends or family can interpret the differences. You name it, Matt's done it; gels and even perms. Matt has hypothesised that his hair grows faster during the summer and only slightly, in the winter; a fact that limits his experimentation to the sunnier days only. He's never attempted to dye his black hair, though, and despite attempting to grow it longer always ends up cutting it to at least neck length come winter time. Always one to coin the phrase 'tall, dark and handsome,' the only sign that Matt is truly sane is when he corrects himself by stating that he's instead 'cool, stark and dribble-some.' That's Matt for you; a guy who's so eloquent that he doesn't even need to use real words. When he was younger at school, he was always compared to as Shaggy from Scooby-Doo because of his wavy (and at that time, often manic) hair; a time in his life that contributed to his hatred of dogs and obsession with the United Kingdoms very own 'Scooby Snack crisps' (still available in Newark).

eyes;

The eyes have it, so they say. This is definitely the case for Matt who never attempts to hide his lazy disposition whether it be a weekday or one of those lazy Sundays when the mind-numbing 'country file' is transmitted. Matt's black eyes carry every aspect of the definition of Boredom. It's like looking into the eyes of an extra off of 'The exorcist.' It's not just his eyes but the drooping eyelids give off the impression that he's either just woken up or that he's still mentally asleep. To be honest, there's an awful lot of truth in such a speculation but this accompanied by his dim spark in his eyes can only leave others guessing. The fact that his lacklustre stare is hypnotic doesn't help either. It's like yawning, if Matt's immeasurably exhausted, all it will take is look and a weak mind before you find that a night's already gone from sleeping. His usual retort to anybody that notes his expression is that he's actually readily alert, scanning the area with precision and acuteness. Surprisingly, Matt does actually possess instant reflexes. Being a devoted badminton player, Matt sometimes does surprises a few when dodging from a coke can thrown by youths or avoiding Jasper the police dog (hatred of dogs, remember people). During his days in sixth form a lot of his class-mates referred to him as 'Hypno-Matt' because of his sleep inducing stares and always took note that his eyelashes are scarcely visible. Matt's eyebrows are quite thin and matches his vagrant facial expression and long nose. The nose shape is one that is inherited by the entire Killam family and was a sure sign to his parents that he'd matured. Don't expect Matt to divulge in this information, by the way.

body type;

Lanky. Let's get this one over and done with before Matt becomes psychotic. Matt is naturally slim. His bones are thing as well as his fingers which give off the impression that they're long. A few mistook him in the past for being anorexic but this simply isn't true. Matt does possess some 'meat.' Having been interested in camping since an early age, Matt would always build what little muscle he could by climbing mountains in England and carrying rucksacks of equipment. At the age of eighteen he passed the gold award for 'duke of edinburgh' and takes pride in his athletic skills (mainly running, tennis and badminton). His slim nature was his weakness at school with many using the word 'lanky' in their criticisms of him. Whilst naturally not being the butch chisel jawed perfect american that had been filtered in so many Saturday show morning cartoons, Matt grew an extreme dislike for the use of the word 'lanky.' This has been a significant contribution to his subjective approach to appearance and is a matter that Matt takes in high regard. Whatever meal he's having; spinach is always part of the salad. Why? Apart from Popeye the sailor, Matt also wants to provide himself with some self-esteem. A common 'nail biter' Matt does have some muscle and only bites his nails when he's bored, rarely when he's nervous. There was an extreme amount of peer pressure during his college days over gyms and 'workouts.' A select few of his class mates were using drugs in order to enhance their chances of 'popeye muscle.' Matt took a step away from all this and was never tempted, even if those drugs had awesome names like; "Banana Box, Strawberry Slap and Apple Ambulance flavours."


height and weight; 5'11" and 147 lbs


distinguishing features;

If it's one thing Matt's had his fair share of, it's . . . distinguishing features. His rivalry with police dog, Jasper has always kept him on his toes and Matt has 'bite-mark aplenty' to show for this. A scar is clearly visible on his right knee pad from the time Jasper apprehended him as a criminal in Somerfield. The result was not only embarrassing but a painful one that has stayed with Matt for a good six months now. There is also a scar on the left side of his face just under his cheekbone. At first Matt dismissed it as a love bite when people first noticed it. The fact that it was a sheer gash oozing blood down the side of his neck only lead the others of Newark Police Service to conclude that he'd slept with Jasper. When Matt claims the truth that it was, in fact, a teenager with a knife, the facts only lead to more disbelief. The lazy life that comes with Newark means that it's rare for Matt to obtain bruises or scars of any kind from apprehending a criminal. Matt also has a clean shaven face, a feature he doesn’t want to wreck anytime soon. Being an admirer of american culture the temptation to do so has been very severe. He receives a lot of criticism over merely adopting an american accent. When asked why he does this when he's originally Irish, Matt simply reminds people of the endless john wayne movies by which he was indoctrinated with.

dress style;

As a man of literacy, Matt prices himself over eloquence. His family, in the very least, wish the same can be said for his sense in dress. It's not that Matt doesn’t have the imagination. Given the money, Matt would have a drug-like addiction to Marks and Spencer's or House of Fraser (were there ones in Newark). However due to the low income that his parents maintained for twenty years, Matt was the subject of a poor dress style for the years with his parents. Always possessing the habits of a tramp, one would rarely have a full purse if they spent a day with Matt. Constantly borrowing money, only to be stuck in debt two years down the line, Matt was never one for money management. Fortunately, somehow he would manage and during college after being completely overshadowed by peer pressure, Matt invested (albeit using his sisters investment) to purchase his own 'gear.' Matt dresses in a casual/smart attire; preferring suits and unbuttoned shirts to tight bruce willis vests or (god forbid), Lycra. Stating that Matt even has a dress style is quite complimentary considering that even when at work, he's so damn lazy that you'll be lucky to find him with both arms in his blazer.

playby; adrien brody.

WHICH ONE DO YOU WANNA WATCH FIRST ``

likes;

scooby snacks, spinach, popeye the sailor, robin williams, john wayne, somerfield, the tempest and anything by shakespeare, chaucer and the franklin's tale, david blaine, the csi series, house, nsi (newark scene investigation; crime series), cooking, writing on notepads, mind maps, crosswords, camping, tents, scotland, american culture, rock music, the beatles, friends, spy movies, hugh laurie, who wants to be a millionare, salt, king kong (the original movie), badminton, tennis, running, rock climbing, playing the guitar, playing the piano (badly), the theatre, painting Newark's landmarks, his harmonica (which he can't play), pint of beer down at the pub, swearing to make a point, smoking, sitting around at the office, languages (french in particular), geography, mathematics, his son, his sister, the herbie films, his ford fiesta, his garden, biting his nails, blazers, the irish, the welsh, mel gibson, brave heart, father ted (sitcom), women, british sitcoms, the thin blue line, some nature programs, his parents, small villages, his co-workers.

dislikes;

dogs, being called lanky, teenagers/vandals, newark, the smell of petrol, school teachers, "Frankenstein experiments, JASPER THE POLICE DOG, being belittled, posh and stuck up people, when babies cry (makes him cry too), his wife, Matthew Vail (at times), piss takes of american, british or northern culture, fast food (macdonald's, burger king etc), his hair, his job (certain aspects), the swear box, trains (always delayed), ear piercing, cliques, the news, swans, JASPER THE POLICE DOG, the cinema, modern british comedians (peter kay, etc), estate programmes (relocation, relocation, relocation), jamie oliver and gordon ramsey, computers, printers, technology, his mobile phone, public transport and tickets, lack of money, chinese food, closing hours at the pub, tasteless humour, sainsburys, english roads, english history, paperwork, mini-fans, winter, newsagents full of kids, show-offs, unintelligible people, bin cleaners (don't ask him why), historical films, salted popcorn, tourist buses, digital cameras (only likes SLRs) and psychiatrists.

strengths;

⋆ english literature
⋆ his subjective moral
⋆ his outgoing nature
⋆ his experiences (finishing all the chocolate cake)
⋆ the divorce

weaknesses;

⋆ american culture
⋆ too harsh at times
⋆ the pub
⋆ jasper
⋆ popeye the sailor

fears; has mild claustrophobia and a minor phobia of butter.
hopes; retire and produce a programme allowing him to paint and travel around England.

matt on CUNNING;

"My parents practically indoctrinated me with episodes of Blackadder and Popeye the Sailor so don't be too shocked by the fact that I'm as cunning as Sherlock Holmes and as sexy as, well, Olive Oil."

To say that Matt is as cunning as a fox would be an understatement. 'As cunning as a fox on steroids' is more precise and can clearly be associated with the way in which he gets off from doing any work. How he can be a detective constable and simply laze about wracking his brain over a crossword puzzle instead of the criminal mind is a mystery to quite a few newcomers to Newark. Whether it's a compliment or a snide remark, Matt is an adept pupil in the art of 'smoozing' people over. Sometimes this can work in people's favour as he throws charm and eloquence to his advantage yet on the other hand this can also be seen as a disapproving trait, especially if he's against you. Always coming up with some bizarre scheme to get out of tough situations, Newark is like a playground and Matt, an unsupervised child running amok. Of course, he's not invincible, there are times when his cunning backfires on him and he finds himself in situations worse off than from what they were. The perfect phrase to describe Matt's mentality is 'brain before brawn.' Since Matt lacks in brawn anyway, what else do you suppose he has? Matt is also a man of eloquence; with his A in English, Matt is skilled at covering a potentially harmful situation in bullshit and make it seem good. In this sense, Matt does make a good detective even if he rarely ever gets the job he started, completely finished. Rarely is Matt ever faced with a calculative challenge; the only one ever being 'who ate all the chocolate cake?' A game in which Matt can play both detective and culprit.

matt on EXTROVERTNESS;

" 'Treat others in the same way you yourself would like to be treated.' Well, if I like drinking down at the pub on a Friday afternoon . . ."

Newcomers to Newark are quickly treated to Matt Killam's 'hospitability.' Unless he knows people really well, Matt is a tough nut to crack when it comes to socializing. His untrusting nature can sometimes make him surprisingly uptight towards others than with his co-workers. Matt's untrusting nature is more of a result of his own upbringing but once a shred of common liking is found between them and him, Matt gets on with people like a house on fire. This doesn't mean that they're relationship is metaphorically hot but it's a start. Once cracked, Matt can be very extrovert and has a reputation for going the pub almost everyday with a friend. Whether he does this so they can pay for him or not, Matt knows how to have a good time but it takes him a while to crawl out of his own shell and accept people. His partner, Cameron, for instance is one of the only people Matt treats with both respect and aspiration. This isn’t to say that he literally licks the boots of everybody he's subordinate to. Merely that he holds no abrasiveness or grudges towards them, he treats them like family. This best describes his relationship with nearly all of his co-workers in the Newark Police Service. Rarely ever arguing with them, the fact that they don't work at all means that the place is more akin to an Old People's Home and that sense of tranquillity is something that Matt hasn't felt in years if at all. It's a feeling that Matt does want to treasure despite all his comments about how he hates the place, the boredom and the people. That's one thing about Matt, he's never one to openly tell people how he feels.

matt on INTUITIVENESS;

"Seeing into crystal balls aren't my thing but I've seen enough of life and David Blaine to know what some people are going through."

Throwing the line; "ah, Killam, always two steps ahead," isn't something that Matt would accept. To Matt his light years of steps ahead and can do a convincing buzz lightyear impression which has been known to scare a lot of vandals in Newark. There was one time where he did dress as Buzz Lightyear whilst trying to apprehend some 'villains' but that's a story that he'd rather keep to himself. Matt is someone who at first glance people think is somebody who can't possibly empathise. However, Matt can and does understand what a few people go through and possesses an acute awareness of what to do next. One of Matt's first jobs was as a social worker and his skills in providing people with an 'answer' were considered as the best in Newark. Why did he quite his day job, you ask? Well firstly, he was the only social worker in Newark and secondly, the clients he got were old aged people unsure about what type of butter to purchase in somerfield. The number of times that Matt's answers consisted of the word 'Butter' drove him to the point of near-insanity. It was one of the reasons for his divorce and led to an minor phobia of any butter-like products. Nowadays, Matt still hears some emotional problems from his co-workers but in order to seem 'in' with the crowd keeps his mouth shut and simply swears about 'cheating girlfriends' before searching for a crossword.

matt on VANITY;

"I'm not vain, am I? I mean, I've passed my exams, I play the piano, guitar, harmonica . . ."

Yeah, so you’re probably thinking; wow! What a guy; he's smart, understands people and is pretty sociable once you get to know him. Well lets just remind you that even superman has a weakness. "NO!" you shout. "KRYPTONITE!" I scream back. Well, Matt's weakness isn't the colour green. Or is it? Interestingly, Matt is put off by quite a few things that are of the colour green. Anyway, I'm digressing; the fact is that Matt holds himself in high regard. A few people would say that he holds himself in a little too much regard. Not known for his artistic nature in the Police Service, Matt is definitely one to imply that such talent exists. Don't misunderstand, he doesn't dance strip naked, painted green singing that "Matt has talent." Instead, Matt is like British sitcom humour (extremely subtle). He is a man of implications where bold exaggerations would fail. If you threw him a challenge, a muttering of an A in English will be guaranteed to pass his lips. If given a certain scene to draw, no doubt, he'll 'Picasso' it up. The annoying thing is that this implications despite being subtle do annoy some of the police service members, especially since they know he has an artistic life outside of work. The constant reminders of this can be like bullets to the flesh at times and there are moments where you have to remind Matt that "WE KNOW!" Whenever he fails in a challenge, though, Matt puts up a grin but does in fact get extremely flustered by it all and begins to ponder whether his skills are worth anything. Moments like these are impossible to get away from and you can't help thinking that a pat on the back is in order.

matt on VIBRANCE;

"Apparently I have a colourful personality. Who would have thought that watching the yellow submarine would pay off! 'we are such stuff that dreams are made of' - William shakespe--- oh great, you're already bored. I guess by colourful, you meant black."

Did you know that crab sticks actually don't have any crab in them? It's one of the statements that encapsulates the colourful aspects of Matt's personality. Artistically gifted, Matt has a wide range of gifts and knowledge that becomes quite useful as a detective constable of the dull Newark. As a child, Matt adopted an eloquent style of speech that was also given the alias of 'waffle' during his college days. Not a day went by in his History lessons where he was not called the 'king of waffle.' Being Matt Killam, the only thing one could expect is a retort about waffles. The Newark Police service have nearly set up a fact of the day box especially for Matt only to have taken it down due to Matt's facts about quadratic shapes. Yes, Matt is the kind of guy who knows random bits of knowledge. A viewer of Who wants to be a millionaire, a lot of his friends tell him that he should apply but he rarely gets the chance. There was one time where he was on 'phone a friend' but got the answer wrong subsequently making his friend lose the chances of getting any money. Mark my words, if in conversation, Matt has a knack for twisting it towards a random topic whether it's 'gladiators' or Peter Jackson films. Another icon that Matt admires Robin Williams, a guy who only a small number of people have associated him to. Robin's zaniness and wacky nature has rubbed off on Matt so don't be too alarmed if he starts talking about the temperature of apple pies, on Sunday morning.

IT'S NOT MURDER, IT'S KETCHUP ``

parents; jack and annabelle killam.
sibling; emily killam.
other; rodrigo killam (son).

overall history;

THE PARENTS ,
"There was a time during college where living with my parents was like being subject to Nazi interrogation; it was awful and the memories of living there weren't enjoyable ones. Don't get sidetracked; they were the best parents I could ask for but you've got to remember that this is Newark. Everybody's parents were the best. The fact that it was the 80's (a time of change and rebellion) meant nothing to my parents. It was like living in a dream world, honestly. How they ever fell in love with each other has been an unsolvable riddle to me for the past twenty years. My sister and I always used to say that their relationship was probably like C3PO and R2-D2. I know, it's harsh to say stuff like that but this was how life was back then. Our parents were a stereo-typical couple in Newark. You know, cut the hedges, reading the Sunday newspaper, having tea and watching songs of praise at six in the evening. My sister wanted desperately to break out of this bubble and I guess the only way we could was through school and college, which to us was like heaven (only God and his Angels had gone for a fag break)." -matt.

"Now, I married Annabelle in the summer of '67. She was a florist at the time I remember doing paper rounds as a boy. My father was a very strict man, who believed in discipline and all that rubbish. In most respects that made me into a romanticist. I was searching for some way out of the iron grip of my father. I remember entering Annabelle's shop on frequent occasions however she never really did notice me. As you can imagine this seriously annoyed me and in order to get her attention I looked to other methods. At the time I was still in a local prep school at Newark and was developing my understanding of Chaucer, an English writer. One of the concepts he used was the 'courtly love method' where one would express their love for a woman but remain secret, leaving the female to try and work out who the lover was. After reading this, I would daily leave a single flower beside Annabelle's shop in the hopes that she would notice. Please bare in mind that I would have bought a rose of some kind but this was Newark, you'd be lucky enough to find a handful of weeds let alone roses. It took six months before Annabelle made her decision over who this 'mystery lover (i.e. me) was and unfortunately for me . . . She'd guessed the wrong person." -jack.

"I remember every morning I entered the shop, Mrs Aberystwyth (the owner of the shop) would say that somebody's left me a message. Everyday it was the same thing; a flower. I've forgotten what colour it was but that wasn't what made me happy, it was the idea that somebody out there cared about me. I mean, this is Newark; not London, the chances of a Jack the Ripper character 'taking me out,' as they say, was quite impossible. I remember wracking my brains all afternoon over who the messenger could be. I knew that the sender was from our school because there was an obvious flower shortage on the grounds and the gardener complained to our headmaster. So all it came down to was who the mystery sender was. It was quite a strange time as once whoever it was had been uncovered he'd also face numerous detentions from the headmaster. Let's just say I wasn't the only one looking for the mystery messenger. I finally decided that it was Carl Johnson from the year above me and embarrassingly went up to confront him. There wasn't any logic over the decision, I suppose I just wanted it to be him. Turns out that I was wrong, Carl received detentions from the headmaster and Jack Killam from a year below me was the fellow. Do you know, I almost cried with laughter? I just couldn't believe it. Well, eventually we decided to see more of each other and we found a common ground between us. Not that anyone cared; this was Newark after all!" -annabelle.

THE PRIMARY YEARS;
"Now this is a period of time that is a complete and utter blur to me. I can still remember the stories mum used to make out about how fun and adorable I was at that time but I don't know. The only thing I remember was that everything was so much more exciting in Newark. Everyday was an episode of adventure with 'Matt Killam.' It was like I was a movie star and the entire world was watching my every move. Like the Truman Show, only a lot more interesting, in my mind. I remember there were times when my mum and I would visit her shop and she'd used to just let me run around. I can't tell you how much I hate the smell of flowers. I don't think she realized that I was allergic to them either. I mean there were points when I was turning green from the amount of flowers filled in the room. The fact that my mum decided to help by buying a box of chocolates entitled 'roses' didn't stop me from 'hulking' out. My father on the other hand was lenient. Too lenient. There were moments when I wondered whether he cared or not. I remember touching his newspaper to try and look at the comics (I think I was about five or six) and he'd plonk me next to the television and switch on to Popeye. Let me tell you, Popeye was my anti-drug. I'd sit there for hours on end watching either Popeye or Scooby Doo (which seriously scared the shit out of me as a child). Back in the 80s, Scooby Doo was all the rage and I remember one time pestering my dad for a dog. He agreed and we went to a local pet shop to try and buy one. I kept refusing hands down to my parents for a dog that didn't look like Scooby Doo. My dad thought it was a waste of time form that point on and my mum kept harassing the owner. Life was actually quite 'hands free' back then. And then my sister arrived." -matt.

"Matt was a devil of a child. You have no idea that countless amounts of times that I had to keep him quiet when he was a baby. At that time I'd earned enough money for us to acquire a home in a more peaceful and rural area of Newark. His commotion was to be the death of the neighbours and I had to find some way of quietening him down. The fact was that if he'd continued to make so much noise I would have been a potential target of the NWA. Yes, that's right, I was aware of them. In fact my father was a member of the organisation at one point but thought that I lacked the 'stomach' to be a part of some nonsense he kept spouting like 'the higher good' or something. He retired actually once he realized he was allergic corned beef which reacted to his wound from the war. Anyway, Matt had to keep quiet. Thank God for the miracle of television! I merely picked him up, put him in front of it and switched on a channel. It was clockwork. Since then all it's taken were a few movies and Matt was shut up pretty easily. Of course I couldn't complete feed him movies and programmes. So I told him stories as well like the Chaucer that myself had studied at school. At that time I thought that taking care of children wasn't to bad at all but when Annabelle told me that she was pregnant again I actually had a heart attack! Don't worry I wasn't hospitalised or anything but it was a major shock. It was bad enough having to deal with Matt for five years but now this. That was when Emily entered our world. And despite the shock of it all, I must say that both Annabelle and I loved her enormously. She had and still has, my eyes, you know." -jack.

"It was strange, you know? One minute you believe you have everything in the world and then the next here comes another addition. And suddenly the world that you knew has been turned upside down. I reasoned with Jack and told him that we should care for Emily as best as we can despite our shortages. Income was very tight at the time you see and my shop alone wasn't enough to keep the entire family going. Jack worked as part of the local newspaper but the money we were gaining wasn't enough. There was some odd rumour going over the village that we were planning to move to London in search of a better job. As you can imagine, Matt was all excited about it, bless him. But all these rumours made us even more aware of the difficulty we were in. We had to now accommodate for two children. Matt was already attending primary school but when Emily was born it was such a refreshing change. We, Jack and I, both grew to love her instantly. There was no crying, no retaliation. She was as quiet as a mouse and the more she grew older, the more we loved her. It was clear that Matt wasn't with us on this one. I remember he would always used to ask me why I left him with dad and would take Emily to my shop instead of him. I mean, what was I supposed to do; one Matt was allergic to flowers in the first place and secondly, Emily drew in customers. it’s as simple as that. Over time of course, the two became as thick as thieves but it did take a while before the two, especially Matt accepted her as a sister. There were moments when Jack and myself didn't quite know what to do to keep the family at peace." -annabelle.

THE SECONDARY YEARS;
"Not a lot of people know Matt in the same way that I do. I know mum and dad keep telling us how we used to squabble practically everyday but I seriously have no recollection of this. I think the moment we did work together well was one time when mum left me with both him and dad. He was already in primary school mind you and I guess considering I was only a year or so younger than him I was a bit naïve. He showed me an episode of Scooby Doo to try and scare me in the same way he had been scared as a child. As you can guess it kind of backfired and he was the one hugging a pillow and hiding behind the sofa. To this day I still don't understand how Matt could be scared of Scooby Doo. It wasn't even the villains that freaked him out; it was more of the dog to be honest. Either way I just ended up laughing and he was genuinely impressed by how I managed to keep my cool. That's Matt for you; do something that he can't and he's willing to learn it no matter what the cost. Compared to him I'm pretty level headed, willing to take on the world for what it gives me. I remember the difficulty of getting us into secondary school was. Both mum and dad were low on money and they kept getting our hopes up by saying that we'll be going to a secondary school in London. I remember Matt talking to me one night about how London was like an episode of Popeye the Sailor. Yeah, that's right he was trying to scare me but that was honestly how Matt was like back then; carefree and a dreamer. Aren't all kids like that? Then despite how far our relationship had gone, we attended different secondary schools. In Newark not London." -emily.

"Well I was crushed. What else would you expect me to say? Okay, I know it was a long time ago and even I'm surprised that I'm bringing this back up but I really cared. You know? Our parents had promised us something that people in Newark only dreamt about; London. I remember some Friday nights I used to scare the shit out of Emily, telling her that London was like, Scooby Doo, I think? It was messed up but the promises were still there. I mean, Emily and I had become pretty close as brother and sister. I know dad keeps babbling some crap about how I hated her guts when I was like five but that was back then, right? And besides sibling rivalry is bound to happen one way or another. But after everything that our parents promised us for secondary school, Emily and I began to dream, as kids do. I dreamt of being a police man and Emily dreamt she was a glamorous model. It's quite funny looking back on it now. We've sort of both got we wanted but in completely different circumstances. When mum and dad sat us down and said that we'd be attending a secondary school in Newark, I guess that was sort of when we rebelled. I mean we were teenagers by that point. It was the 80s and times were certainly changing. Parents weren't seen as 'cool' and this only helped us prove that point. I know it was extremely selfish of us but we decided to do the best we could on our own. The fact that we went to different secondary schools only made things worse. Emily and I were falling in different crowds and it was distancing us from not only our parents but mostly each other." -matt.

"Life was so much better when they were kids, you know. Suddenly all the fun seemed to dry up and angst was left in it's place. Both Annabelle and I knew that we couldn't afford to live in London let alone send them to a secondary school there and when we had that family meeting it was clear that a view people's hearts were crushed. It was a big letdown for us; I mean imagine it, telling the people you love the most that you can't give them the money they need to continue life in happiness. Annabelle always reassured me, telling me that they needed to learn what life was like and a part of me feels that it's my fault for spoiling them so much, particularly Matt. There just came a point where we said no was no and things began to drift from there. As they began attending secondary school we thought it'd be like the old days but it certainly wasn't. Matt wouldn't tell me how his school days were anymore and Emily was complaining more than ever about little things like food and magazines; stuff she wouldn't give a lot of attention over before. It was bizarre after knowing what they were like before. It wasn't long before we got occasional letters from the school warning us about certain things in the school; the wrong crowds, bullying and most of all drugs. They were becoming commonplace, especially in schools at the time. It was difficult to do much about it and we did our best to warn both Emily and Matt about them. But that was problem. I remember it clearly, Matt came home one day extremely late; at least one in the morning. We immediately asked him where he was but by the rings around his eyes it was clear that he had taken drugs." -jack.

"Well you can imagine what I was like. I went ballistic. This was the first time anyone in our family had done something like this and I wasn't having it. Jack was too lenient to do anything but I certainly gave Matt an argument. A lot of things were said; how we couldn't afford to live, the unkempt promises. I mean, I knew Emily had also been falling in with the wrong crowd but for Matt to go as low as drugs! I was always worried something like this would happen though, Emily was the more level headed of the two. It took as a week. One week of glares, awkward silences and grave conversations. I truly and honestly believe that Matt was rattled by all this. For most of his life he'd been given nearly everything he wanted and for it to boil down to this was something quite unlike anything he's experienced. He continually reassured us that he wasn't taking drugs and that he never will. It took some convincing, I could tell you. Even Jack, showed a side to him as a father that I've never seen in him; a stricter, more concerned one. In the end we had another family talk and I admit I cried. But somehow, maybe through God, I don't know we held on. Matt and Emily decided not to distance us from themselves anymore and you could say that as a family we were back together again. I knew that Matt wasn't taking drugs anymore, I didn't need proof and it was clear that things were 'back to normal.' For the last two years of both of our children's education they studied harder than I've ever seen them study and do you know, they passed all their exams with good marks to show for it!" -annabelle.


THE MARRIAGE && DIVORCE;
"So what was I thinking. I'll tell you; the world was my oyster! Or at least, my pet clam that could sometimes hold pearls of happiness or just a pile of crap. My marriage to Marlene was a mixture of both believe me. After graduating, it was clear that life was changing. Gone were times when we'd fulfil our promises to our parents, Emily and I were planning to go out in the world, get a name for ourselves and make our parents proud. My early and brief drug habits were behind me and I promised not to take drugs ever again, even if my addiction to American culture was becoming just that. That's right, my parents were worried again. But not over something as serious as drugs but over my obsession with American culture. John Wayne had been absent in my life for over eighteen years, I had to catch up somehow. I'd wake up in the morning and adopt an American accent at times just to freak them all out and not only did it work but my parents were taking drastic steps to make sure that it wouldn't stay that way. By then Emily had already gone to a university in Newark but I wanted to go further than university (especially on this god forsaken rock), I wanted to get out there. I still had no idea what I wanted to be. Fair enough, I had ideas about being a Police Officer but that was years ago and besides, with an A in both English and a B in Mathematics under my belt, there were numerous possibilities. I talked with my parents and I eventually attended an Arts college in Newark. Painting was something I enjoyed (no matter how badly mum said I was at it) and I knew that if I got somewhere as an artist that perhaps I could expand from there. And then there was Marlene. . ." -matt.

"Matt was an interesting fella'. I met 'im down at Newark Art College. It wasn't the best place for young love to blossom but it was like Romeo and Juliet, y'know? Two people from completely different backgrounds meetin' each other for the firs' time. Matt was a posh sorta falla' but I was a typical Londoner. I moved over here for my gap year and I remember meeting Matt like it was yesterday. I remember there was a piece of coursework we had to complete in a month's time that would get us better marks in our final. Matt took up this piece of crap that he'd done and presented it to the lecture group. A lot of people asked who or what it was but I knew instantly that it was a half-poor paintin' of me staring back at the group. I said what it was and me and 'im clicked. He kept spouting somethin' like it was all Chaucer and we instantly started hangin' out more. What's there to say, I was a woman. He was a man. We both had needs and I think it's only natural that we were there for each other. His parents didn't exactly warm up to me. They didn't say anythin' but I know they thought I was some floozy. Matt was the only person who knew me for what I was; an artist. Once my gap year was over, it took me a hell of a long time to convince Matt to go to London with me. After all, he told me it's what he's always wanted so I wondered why it took him so long to make up his mind. Either way I knew that he wouldn't resist and he accepted." -marlene.

"Women, eh? As soon as I left my house for Newark Art College I adopted an American accent. This wasn't just so that people would notice me but also because I adored American culture. Anyway, that's one of the reasons why Marlene was so taken with me. It was like I was leading a double life and because of the american accent it didn't matter if I drew like a four year old with ME. Let's just get one thing straight, I HATE MARLENE. Women can be so deceptive and I truly thought she was attractive. Fair enough she had a thick cockney accent but that didn't mean she was dumb. My parents didn’t agree with me on this one and thought she was a prostitute. Dad kept on asking if she'd seen jack the ripper down in London only to be reminded of his own name before he could add anything. Like every moment in my life, I should have paid attention to my parents but I was in my twenties by now, I didn't care what they said. When Marlene offered me to move in with her in London I was shocked. I mean this was something I had wanted all my life and finally with an American accent and poor paintings I'd succeeded. It took me awhile; I mean, what would I say to my parents. It took me a week to get to her and I agreed" -matt.

"According to Mum, my dad's an utter burk. That's right, he's a freak who deserves to rot in Spewark or whatever village he's in now. Mum told me everything about how they met, went to London and literally fell apart. Mostly 'cause I asked her myself. I was interested, I wanted to know what my dad was like. The fact that it was his idea to call me Rodrigo was bad enough but apparently as soon as they got married he told her that he'd lied about being born in America and that was actually born in England and that he wasn't a transfer student. Mum went mental and threw him out of their house. Which to be honest wasn't a house; it was actually the travel inn. From that point they officially got a divorce and that's when mum realized she had me. I mean c'mon, he's my dad, why didn't he come over here and help us out. Apparently he's police officer somewhere in England and mum always tells me not to look for him. I'm seventeen years old now and despite what I said when I was a child, I still want to meet him. Fair enough I won't like him, I won't even treat him like a father but I still want to know what he was like before. Was he like me? Does he have the same hair? There's so much I don't know about him and so much mum doesn't want me to know about. But as soon as I've passed my A levels, I will find him because I just don't feel right not knowing." -rodrigo.

DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWITCH OFF ``

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