Revenge of the Ants: The Tunnels

[Mousey]

((Keeves POV, since I like doing the leadery peoples *change POV ONLY if you say who* this is after body switching, so Draco is red hair, not blond.))

I led our group through the tunnels, Liz a ball of light by my shoulder. Lilian and Morgana were temporarily in stasis, since them waking up would seriously put a damper on finding the Ant Master. I heard Helen muttering under her breath about stupid missions, then snickering as Ethan quietly complained about all the ant saliva on him.
"It's not funny, Helen!"
"Shh! Ethan, be quiet or I'll magic your mouth shut for a week." I listened intently, wondering if I had heard something else while Ethan was talking. "I think I hear something."
"Yeah, your own voice," Helen muttered irritably. "Hurry up! My son is on death row here!"
"No he's not. Lilian and Draco still exist."
"I'm right here, jeez!" Draco made a rude noise.
"Shhh!" I held up a finger, and everyone fell silent. I walked on, stealthy as a cat, listening for the faint cry I knew I had heard. Not too far ahead was a side tunnel, down which the cry was louder. "C'mon!" I whispered, and everyone followed me into the side tunnel.


There was a child there. Just a simple, lonly child, with an ant salivating over her. Before I even knew what i was doing, a spell came to my lips, a fireball shooting out towards the creature and driving it backwards.
I never bothered to ask what a child was doing there; that was something I would regret later. At the time, though, all i knew is that i had to do something....
I suppose i shouldn't call the child a child. I mean, phsyically she wasn't much younger then us. Maybe eight. Anyways, the ant wasn't all that happy about the whole mess, and you can bet it was coming after us in a moment of minutes. A few dives, however, some close calls, some more saliva to add to Ethan's collection, and we'd lost it.
Least, that was the general hope, but as the walls continued shaking, it was hard to say for certain...What i should have been asking myselef is what we were escaping TO.


((Switching, 'cause I don't like trying to get into Kevin's head; too much goodie-two-shoes for me. Now Draco's POV.))

I couldn't leave the kid behind. I knew what I was doing was stupid, but I couldn't leave her behind. "Hey, kiddo..."

"Huh?" She looked up, her large, grey eyes seeming to see into my soul.

"What's your name?"

She shrugged. "The ants didn't tell me. I don't think I have one."

"You talk to the ants?"

"Yeah. Don't you?"

"No, I don't like them."

"But they're so cute!"

"They're bugs. One of them almost killed my dad."

"What's a dad?" She asked.

I blinked. "I haven't really given that much thought, to be honest."

"Wanna meet some of my friends?" Without waiting for an answer, she whistled, and suddenly several ants came out of nearby tunnels.

((Ah, loverly. Sooo much fun. No, Draco will NOT scorch them.))


"ANTS!" Draco's hands lit up.
"DON"T!" cried Hello, stopping him.
"Thoes ar eyour FRIENDS?!""
"eyp. " she sgrinend. "ARen't they purty? Do you like the word purty? i've nervefr heard anyone ay it, bt it sounds sonice...so...Purty."


((Nonono, her name is NOT Hello! ))

"Purty isn't a word."

"Yes it is!" The girl pouted.

"Nuh-uh."

"Yes!"

"Nope."

"You're not polite...!" She made a face at me

"Aw, you're cute when you're mad!"

"You're making me ANGRY!"

And an ant jumped at me.

((...This is making me wonder what would happen to me if my sister had fire powers and they got loose when she got mad at me... The ant won't do worse than a 'licking'... Like an annoying dogggie, methinks.))


The ant licked os mychm, he thought hsi face would come offf.
"Get it off, get it off!"
"it likes you"
"Well, i i don't like it!"


((ZOMFG, RL-Aggie has grey eyes! Okay, DG-Aggie has blonde hair. There, now she's like my sister in looks and personality.))

"Awww... Oh, c'mon, get off him, please?"

The ant did. I rubbed the ant spit off my face. "Your name's Agnes, now, okay?"

"Okay!" Agnes grinned. "I like it. What's your name?"

"Draco."


"That's a silly name! I'm going to call YOU agnes, too."
"No, YOU'RE agnes. I"m draco."
"Whateve ryou say Agnes."
'NOt Agnes!"
"Reeko?"
"..."
"Agno! you are now, agno! I like that name.:


"No, my name is Draco. My mum gave me it."

"What's a mum, Agno?" Agnes said, very stubbornly.

Draco said nothing, pretending to ignore her.

"Agno.... What's a mum?!"

Draco bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Agno! Pay attention to me!"

He bit harder.

"NOW!"

A drop of blood formed on his lip.

"GRRRRR!" Agnes whacked him, hard, on the shoulder.


"Ow!"
"Answer Agno!" the ants were instantly on all sides of her, guarding their pouting friend. "What is a MUM!"

[Mousey]

"I'll answer if you call me Draco."

"Draco is a DUMB name."

"So? That's what you think."

"And I'm right!"

"No, you're younger than I, so I'm right."

"Whatever! What's a mum?"

"I've never given that much thought."

"You're dumber than your name."

"My sister would agree with you there, actually."


"Don't even knowwaht teh words you use are, aagno! You know what> I think you shouljd be amonkey. SOmeoen turn him into a qmonkey!"
antspit covered him from had to toe, causing him t obrush it off his furry face-wait a minute?


"GYAH! What happened to me?" I shrieked.

Or at least tried to. What came out was a series of unholy monkey-noises.

Agnes giggled.


"the ants of shape shifting powers...WEll, theri spit does anywyas." She petted me, and slipped a collar around my neck. "you'll make a GOOD money pet, Agno. ANd we will be best friends! i just KNOW it!"


I glared, then heard osmeone walking quietly and calling out my name. "Draaaco? Draco? Draco!"

It was Rowen. I wished I could vanish as I saw her come into view. "Oh, what a cuuteee monkey! It's so kawaii! Kawaii!!!"

I hid my face in my hands and whimpered. Agnes, I'd strangle you if you weren't obviously so necessary to the adventure...


"his name's Agno," said the girl.
"Hey, little girl!"
"I'm not little!"
"NO, i guess you aren." she hguged teh monkey against her. ":He litte agno Yo're so cute! haveyou seen my boyffriend? Ghe's got a realy boig head, ane he cnbe aprat, but i'd like to talkt o him nayways...could have sworn he came this way."


"I AM Draco!" I shrieked. "My name is NOT Agno!"


"aw, what cute litlte monkey screetches! i wish i could undetsratnd>"
THat's easy.
In a second, there were too monkeys. THey didn't look happy, when Kevin came.

(Fountain of youth? Gift of toungs? He can understand Monkey, if he thinks about it.)


Draco shrieked. "OI! KEVIN! KEEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIINNNN! HELP! I GOT TURNED INTO A MONKEY BY ANT SPIT AND SO DID ROWEN! HEEEEEELLLP! And explain to the girl, Agnes, somehow, that she is NOT the boss of everyone and she can't give me a different name! I AM NOT AGNO!"


"Th emonkeys say hi." what?" Kevin looked at htem, concentrating as his mind flooded open and he translated wht he had heard.
"AGNES! You can't turn them into MONKEYS! or change his name, is suppoose, thuht that really is secondary.
"?But they make such CUTE monkeys. And teh boy was so annoying..."
"And Rowena/"
"She wanted to understand."
"She ahs POWERS for that."
"She did'nt say that!"
"You didn't give her a chance to remember!"
"Can't i keep them this way>"
"You have to turn them back."
"I could turn uyou into a monkey?"
"You could try. Kevin went phantasma, and stuck aahnd thorugh the wal. :iuthink this ant spit has to make contact first. ONw, come on...If you do this, I'll get a cute pet. One that isn't so annoying."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Okay.." in af ew seconds,the two wer bck.
Unfortunately, tehy wer covered oin Ant dung. Spit changes, dung reverses.

[Mousey]

"EW! EW EW F***ING EW!"

Rowena wasn't nearly as vocal, but her face said all it needed to. "Disgusting..." she muttered. "Omni, could you mess with Writer, please?"

"Hey, what does..." Agnes said an unprintable, "...mean?"

Rowena smacked Draco upside the head.


"What was THAT for?"
"For saying such language in front of a poor girl! You should know better then that!"
"But-"
"NO BUTS!"
"Guys," said Kevin, trying to hide a grin, "shouldn't we be focusing on getting out of this tunnel?"


"Can I keep her?" Draco asked, motioning to Agnes.

"...Only if you don't swear in front of her." Rowena muttered. "And we should probably get out, because the tunnel's collapsing..."

It was. Agnes, however, was unfazed. "This happens a lot. I don't get hurt."


"Yeah, but WE do," said draco, grabbing her and running out of the tunnel ,even as a rock narrowly missed his skulls.
"I didn't want to leave!" she cried.
"Calm down," demanded Kevin, causing her to stop in surpise.


"But I like my ant friends! They're NICE to me! I DON'T WANNA GO!" She beat her fists on Draco's back.


"You can bring a couple of friends," he assured her, trying to be both assertive and calming, while Phantasma laughed from inside his head, without sioply tripping ove his own shoes in the dark tunnel.


'Alze! Zed! Come here!"

Two ants with strange blue markings on their heads were suddenly flanking Draco, chattering at high speed.

"Alze, I'm not leaving forever! Zed, be quiet, I'm a 'human' too, and you wouldn't eat me, would you? No, you wouldn't. Now be quiet, both of you!" Agnes then poked Draco. "Oi, can I ride on your shoulders?"

"M'kay."

"Yay!"


In a few minutes, they were out of the tunnel. "So what about the pet?"
"You should probably call it a familiar. They like the sound of it better."
"M'kay...You're STRANGE. You know that?"
"I think it's been said before."
"NOt a bad strange though..."
"No. Not a bad strange at all..." Said Eilonwy, dropping lightly beside them, and giving the girl she just KNEW was going to be a wonderful pranking parter a wide grin.

It was gonna be a loooong trip home.


"Hi! Who're you?" Agnes asked, grinning back

"Elionwy! You are?"

"Agnes. Draco is a stupid name, don't you think?"

Elionwy hid a smile at Draco's dark look. "Maybe."

"What's a mum?"


"A woman who raised a child."
"They couldn't answer," agnes pouted.
"Yes, well, those are what we call BOYS, and they are very, very stupid sometimes, but fun to kiss, hug, and prank upon."
"Kiss?"
"You're too young, come back in ten years."
She wrapped Kevin up in a kiss, anyways...just for an example, of course.

[Mousey]

"Eeewww!" was Agnes' comment.


Nicole grinned, dropping next to them. "That's what they all say."
Jennifer came up. "And we always let them."
"Esier then a fight," put in Eilonwy.
"ANd we can always extract revenge later," said a astral projectal version of Phantasma with a grin.


"... You're all weird."


The girls grinned. "We know."


"I like you."


"We're gonna have FUN," said Phantasma.


"Gahk! Hands away from eyes! Hands awaaaay!"

Agnes giggled.


"You're FUNNY."
"Isn't she?" grinned Katrina. "Knew i made the right choice when i agreed to let her dedicate her life to me."
"What are friends for?"


"Ten years? I seem to recall I got my first kiss when I was fourteen. Agnes, you're what, eight? Ask again in five years if you don't figure it out before then." Rowena grinned. "And since you asked and I'm feeling like answering..."

When Rowena was done Agnes looked slightly disgusted. "Eeewww, won't that share germs?"

"Yes, yes, it will."


"You people are STRANGE."

[Mousey]

"Yes, yes, we are. Get used to us."


"do i have a choice?"
"Nope."

"'K."

"So? you going to make any more trouble?" asked Draco/
"Leave the girl alone," said Phantasma. "All you need to remember, is this one little line-'I make no promises, i break no vows.'"


"That sounds good!" Agnes grinned. Draco groaned and held his head in his hands. "Why's he upset?"

"He's realizing you're going to be a prankster and switch his underwear."

"Don't give her ideas, Phantasma! You're corrupting my kid!"

"You should SEE what a man looks like when he realizes eh's wearing lace panties...that look is SO Preiceless. Here, i 'p;ll show you."
"Oh no you won't!" Cried Draco.
"Spoilsport/.//"

"Ooh, show!"

"Phantasma, stop corrupting my daughter!"

"But Rowena..."

"Stop!"

"It's FUN. and you just found the girl...maybe I want to adopt her!"
"Kevin, tell her this is my daughter!"
"Do you promise to feed her, love her, take care of her, and take her outside the castle for walks?"
"yes."
"Than she can be your daughter...I'll legally bind it if you want."

"Mmmm... Draco?"

"Aw, ROWEN, she's a little devil!"

"Yeah, well, I have stories of YOUR less than exemplary behavior when you were her age..."

"What's a devil?"

"Draco, about... ten years ago, now?"

"Heeey, yeah! I'm technically eighteen!"

"...May I remind you that I don't like scented candles? Yes, Kevin, legally bind it. Make her Draco's, too."

"Why was Draco a devil ten years ago?"

Draco smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.


"i pronounce you parents and child!"

[Mousey]

Approximately two seconds later, a swarm of little kids came rushing in.

"BE OUR DADDY, DRACO!"

"...AIEEEE! Groupie kids!"

"Under NO circumstances will I adopt ANY of you! GO AWAY!"

((SNERK.))


"...I told you, Rowena's the kind one!" Said Omn "pAppeal to her, and Draco is sure to fall!"
"You're right, insaane-lady-0w9ith-the-strange-hair! Everyone knows Draco's the cool, aloof one...BE our mommy Rowena! be our mommy!"


"NI! EVIL BRATS! GET! GITGITGIT!"


They clung tighter, having gotten sticky fingers from a myserious force, which will most likely never be known. *coughcoughsuchamouseymovecoughcough*


"GAHK! OFFOFFOFF! KEVIN, HELP!"

He was too busy laughing.

[dragon writer]

"HELLP MEEE!"
"NEVER!"
"YEVER?"
"You can't use Yever! that's my word!"
"Yever yever yever!" the kids shouted. "We love you too ruler of the people we are no longer allowed to worship, but still love!"
"That's it! bombard him! His family needs more people in it!"

[Mousey]

"HEYYY!"

Draco whistled, his face the picture of innocence.

[dragon writer]

THe teens bombared Draco. "He won't adopt us! You do it! you do it! You do it!"

[Mousey]

"NO STEALING MY MOM AND DAD! GO AWAY!"

Agnes's voice pierced through the clamor of the groupies. "LEAVE MOM AND DAD ALONE! THEY DON'T WANT YOU! GO AWAY!"

[dragon writer]

"But we want TYHEM sis to be! Please won't you ahve mercy? o ryou could be our mom!"
they immidiately swarmed Agnes. "be our mmmuy, be our mommuy one younger than all but Jean!"

[Mousey]

"HELL NO!"

"Where'd you learn that?!" Rowen asked.

"Daddy's mind." Agnes promptly replied.

[dragon writer]

"Draco!"
"What?! i can't control my thoughts!"
"We have a CHILD here."

[Mousey]

"I still can't control my thoughts!"

"Ohhh, what does f***ing mean?"

Smack.

"OW!"

[dragon writer]

"Well, next time you'll think twice before you think!"
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"I'm a GIRL! Don't they teach you anything?"
"But you always said not to listen to stereotypes!"
Smack
"Don't argue with me! Honestly!"