Stupid Warning Labels

For years, "Do not use hair dryer while asleep" was a runner up in my list of favorite stupid labels.

My #1 favorite stupid warning label was...

(On a Korean- made knife):
"Do not put in children"

Until I saw the following - I now have a new favorite!
"Do not use for personal hygiene" (on a toilet brush)

Toilet brush secures stupid warning label crown

A humble toilet brush has beaten stiff competition to win US consumer watchdog group M-LAW's "Wacky Warning Label" contest.

The offending item comes complete with the caveat "Do not use for personal hygiene" - a piece of advice sufficiently stupid to impress the jury of listeners of Detroit radio station, WOMC-FM.

This year's contest - the eighth - attracted hundreds of entries from across the US.

Runner-up position on the podium was occupied by a kids' scooter which declared: "This product moves when used."

Third place went to a warning on a digital thermometer stating: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

Fourth spot was finally secured by a hand-held blender label wisely counselling: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."

M-LAW prez, Robert B. Dorigo, sighed:
"Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times. From the moment we raise our head in the morning off pillows that bear those famous ‘Do Not Remove’ warnings, to when we drop back in bed at night, we are overwhelmed with warnings.

"Plaintiff’s lawyers who file the lawsuits that prompt these warnings argue they are making us safer, but the warnings have become so long that few of us read them anymore - even the ones we should read.
Hopefully, M-LAW’s Wacky Warning Label Contest will motivate everyone to read their warnings again, and maybe even motivate judges to get tougher on frivolous lawsuits," he concluded.

If people weren't so lawsuit happy (if you want money, earn it by getting a real job) then there wouldn't be a need for these silly labels.

It reminds me of those dumb warning labels on coffee cups, all because some klutzy woman spilled (painfully obvious) hot coffee all over herself. DUH, of course coffee is hot, and she'd probably complain if it weren't hot!

I had a hairdryer once with the infamous "Do not use while sleeping" tag attached. I've seen frozen meals, from Schwan's I think, warning me to heat before eating.
On a sort of related note, anyone else check the nutrition panels on food? I always do, since I put my husband on a diet. Some items, like boxed meals, have two calorie content columns, one for the dry mix, and one for the prepared food.
???
Who eats a box of dried Tuna Helper? Of course you eat it prepared.
Plus serving sizes are weird. Some individual items are actually two servings, or worse 2.5 servings.
Whenever we see a stupid warning label, my husband always say, "Someone must have done it at least once or they wouldn't have a label."

That's why there's the Darwin Awards

Another stupid warning label I remember reading about was for a lawnmower.

It said, "Do not use to trim hedges."

Yeah, that was the McDonald's drive thru case.

Someone mentioned that she's been getting a lot of "Win a free such- and- such if you click here" ads. I've been getting a lot of those, too. I don't think I've gotten the Olive Garden one yet, but I've had others.

One I heard of...

On a Korean-made knife:
"Do not stick in chiildren"

WARNING: If You Cannot Read English Do Not Use This Product [PICTURE]

Wacky Warning Labels

Samples:

Don’t follow this advice and you’ll get the surprise of your life. The $250 second place award went to Rich Heitzig of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota for a label on a personal watercraft that warns: “Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.”

---

A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

---

A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”

---

A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”

Dumb Warnings

Examples:

Sainsburys Mineral Water:
"Suitable for vegetarians."

---

Swedish Chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

---

AAFES Baby Oil:
"Keep out of reach of children"

---

Unknown Hair Coloring:
"Do not use as an ice cream topping."

Seven Laughable Warning Labels - Forbes.com

Thanks to a $3 million jury award in 1992 for 79-year-old Stella Liebeck, who famously burned herself by spilling coffee in her lap, McDonald's now warns its customers that its coffee is, well, hot.

Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts use similar warnings, too.) But things have gotten much crazier since then.

Home appliance-maker Rowenta reminds customers to not iron their clothes while wearing them.

Just to be sure that youngsters can't cop the old super-power plea, Houston-based retailer Frankel's Costume warns users that just because they are wearing a Superman costume doesn't mean they can fly.

And when Apple introduced its iPod "shuffle" digital music player in 2005, the company added a "Do Not Eat" warning on its Web site. Parody or paranoia? The company wouldn't comment.

View Photos of Seven Stupid Warning Labels

Photo of Midol box:

Label: Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate.

Product: Midol Menstrual Complete

Sound advice from Merck. But should sufferers of premenstrual syndrome really lose sleep over enlarged prostates?

'Danger: Avoid Death' contest winner

By RON VAMPLE, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 5 minutes ago

DETROIT - Words to live by, from a warning label on a small tractor: "Danger: Avoid Death." That warning was selected Wednesday as the winner of the 11th annual "Wacky Warning Label Contest," sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. The contest is part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb, won the $500 grand prize for submitting the tractor's "Danger: Avoid Death" label.

The $250 second place was given to Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pa., for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt."

Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Mass., earned the $100 third-place prize for a label on a baby stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns: "Do not put child in bag."

Contest organizer Bob Dorigo Jones says the silly labels reflect how broken America's civil justice system is.

"Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into a cash settlement — even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense," Dorigo Jones said in a statement Wednesday.

Honorable mention went to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City for a label on a letter opener that says: "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."

Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, N.Y., took the second honorable mention for a warning she found which cautions users: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents."

The group selected a list of finalists and listeners of WOMC-FM's d*ck Purtan show chose the winners.
___

On the Net:

http://www.wackywarnings.com

15 Stupidest Warning Labels

From that page, one warning label:

"If you cannot read (...) warnings, do not use this product"

Lucky Puppy: Stupid Product Warnings

A few samples:

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."

I recognize this is a thread for stupid warning labels, but I figured stupid or weird signs are kinda related, so here we go-

Sign Language: week 67

Another selection of amusing and confusing signs sent in by readers on their travels.

Sign Language: toilet humour

A special collection from our Sign Language archive: our favourite signs found in lavatories.

Sign Language: week 63

Sign Language: week 62

Sign Language: week 64

Sign Language: animals

Sign Language: week 69