I've also posted this on thetwilightsaga.com, so some of you might have seen or read it there.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it. But if you don't, I don't really care. (But please no bashing.) This is the first fanfic I've ever tried to write, hopefully I haven't completely screwed up the characters!
For now I'm just posting the preface and the first chapter. I have a lot more written- Everything I have written is on thetwilightsaga.com under the fanfic section.
But if you guys like it, I guess I could always post more here too.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am just borrowing them to tell my story. Preface Now I rested my head against the foggy mirror, my wet hair was plastered to my cheeks. The hum of the shower rung loud in my ears. A wet towel was draped lazily around my shoulders.
I lifted my hand and pressed it against the warm glass. The steam from the shower rolled around me, licking my damp skin. Even with the steam from the hot water filling the bathroom my throat felt dry and hard.
I stood up a bit straighter and turned on the sink. I filled the small glass with cool water. I closed my eyes slightly as I took a sip. But the water did nothing to quench my thirst.
A new wave of pain crashed through me, shattering my all ready broken heart. A sob escaped my throat and I dropped the glass of water.
Shards of sharp glass and cool water splattered over the bathroom tiles. I fell onto my knees in the middle of the mess.
I stared down at the blood, watching it seep into the cracks of the tiles. The edges of the cream colored rug in front of the shower turned bright red.
I barely noticed the tears as they streaked down my face. The humming screech of the shower faded away. My hair hung on either side of my face, creating a curtain. It bound me from the world.
I collapsed onto my stomach. The glass cut deep into my tender skin. But I couldn’t feel the pain at all.
Silent sobs racked my body. My spine shook fiercely. I felt myself dry heave, once, twice, three times. My chest hollowed out, my heart no longer whole to fill it up.
Why? I screamed in my head.
Why did it have to happen like that? I found myself reliving all the memories, everything I had tried to block out. I tried to whisper through my tears. But no matter how hard I tried to say the name I could not make any noise.
~~~
I stood shakily from my bed. I could now feel the sting of the glass that had cut my body. I removed the towel from my stomach. It was caked with dried blood.
I considered going to the hospital, there was a good chance I would need stitches. But I feel too hollowed out to move more then I was all ready forcing myself to.
I stared down at the gash across my stomach. It had stopped bleeding only moments before. I sighed heavily, all ready starting to burry the painful event.
I forced my body to walk to the closet and pull on a pair of jeans, wincing as the waist band rubbed against one of the smaller cuts on my left hip. I tried my best the ignore the pain as I pulled a shirt over my head.
Everything seemed to be clouded. It was like I was experiencing life and the world through a heavy fog. I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my palms against my eye lids. A small sob broke from my chest.
I collapsed onto the floor for the second time this morning. My tears soaked into the dull blue of my bedroom carpet. I pressed my palms harder against my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears. But somehow they managed to find their way around my hands and streaked down my face.
I crumpled farther towards the floor, if that was possible. My body rolled into a small ball. I rocked slightly as I shook with pain and the tears. The inside of my throat felt raw and bloody.
I cried for what seemed like hours, days, years. But the tears I shed did not dull the pain that ravaged my body and my heart. Tears couldn’t stop the horrible images from playing like a silent film behind my eyes. Tears would never heal my dead heart, they would never make me feel even slightly better.
And no matter how much I wish they could, tears could never bring
him back to me.
Chapter One- Wedding Day Then This was the first time I had really had a chance to look at myself all morning. With everything going on I had barely had the chance to breath.
I had slept over at the Cullens so Alice could start getting me ready at a ridiculously early hour. She had spent over an hour doing my hair, my makeup and then re-doing my hair. Angela, who was my other bridesmaid, showed up shortly after Alice finished with my hair for the second time.
Alice modeled her dress for me for about the hundredth time and then convinced Angela to join her for a little while. Shortly after the modeling started Angela made an excuse about having to help Jessica get ready and then having to pick Ben up. She promised she would be back soon and then quickly left.
I wanted to go into the back yard to see the decorations. Alice had been raving about them all week. I thought she would have let me see them at the rehearsal dinner but she hadn’t put anything besides the table up until last night while I was sleeping.
Carlisle stopped me from leaving the house when I tried to go see the decorations. Alice wasn’t going to allow me to see anything until I was walking down the aisle.
Esme had made me pancakes for breakfast. I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick, but I ate the pancakes anyway, not wanting to seem rude.
Apparently Emmett had “misplaced” his tuxedo. This caused Alice to spend almost an hour running frantically through the house looking everywhere. Emmet found his tux in his closet, exactly where it was supposed to be. If Alice had a beating heart, she would have died of a heart attack. Partly from relief, partly from rage.
I saw Jasper and Rosalie only briefly in passing. Edward was no where to be found. Alice had evidently forced him into hiding.
The house became silent as everyone diapered to get ready. Alice had dragged me to her room and dressed my like her personal Barbie doll. Of course, she insisted on re-doing both my hair and makeup until I really felt as though I was made of plastic.
I felt extremely dressed up and uncomfortable. I was not used to this much elaborate clothing or makeup. I felt stiff and unresponsive. Maybe Alice really had turned me into a doll. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was me, while at the same time I felt like I was staring at a complete stranger.
My fingers ran gently over the delicate vintage lace and the pure white satin of my wedding dress. It was a stunning dress, I was happy with Alice’s choice. But I didn’t feel like myself in this dress.
Marrying Edward was like a dream. I really did want him, I needed him. But, getting married seemed like such a strange concept. My mind was still trying to process it all.
I looked into the mirror again to find Alice standing beside me.
“You look beautiful.” she said softly.
I smiled. “So you do.” she looked better then beautiful, she was absolutely stunning. Her dress was made from black silk and embroidered with small flowers. The corset was lacy and heavily embroidered with small silver beads. I was going to look so extremely plain standing up there next to Alice and Edward and the other Cullens.
“Nervous?” Alice asked me.
“Totally.” I said sheepishly. I figured it was normal for someone to be scared on their wedding day. But I couldn’t help hating how unsure I was about the whole wedding.
“Come on Bella! Brighten up.” Alice said, suddenly turning back into her energetic self. “You are going to be getting married in just a little while!” she squealed in happiness.
“That’s what scares me.” I said quietly.
“Bella, everyone gets a little nervous. It’s nothing to worry about.” she paused. “Besides, Edward loves you more than anyone. Everything will be just fine.”
Suddenly I found my thoughts turning to Jacob. My stomach lurched. I was thankful he wasn’t going to be here today. I didn’t think I could stand having to see his face as Edward and I were married. I had a feeling that if Jacob had decided to come to the wedding I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted Edward. No, I needed him. He was
everything to me. I all ready knew that I couldn’t live without him.
But . . . I loved Jake, too.
Not as much as I loved Edward, not as much as I craved and hungered for Edward. But some part of my heart was still able to love Jake.
Sometimes, I wished I could rip that part of my heart from me, if I didn’t love Jake everything would be so much easier for everyone. But that love for Jake was as much a part of me as my love for Edward was.
“Don’t worry about the wolves.” Alice told me, almost as though she knew I was thinking about Jacob.
“It’s not the wolves I’m worried about,” I told her. “It’s Jake.” Our eyes meet in the mirror. Alice’s eyes were hard and sad. She forced a smile onto her face
“Bella, he’ll get over it in no time.”
“I guess you’re right.” I said. Although part of me knew that this was killing Jacob on the inside.
“Bella!” Alice suddenly shrieked, smiling once again. “You are being much too depressing for your wedding day!” she elbowed my playfully.
“I’m sorry.” I said, meaning it. A real smile managed to creep onto my lips.
“Come on.” she beamed. “Esme wants to see you.” Alice grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the stairs.
Esme was just as stunning as Alice. Her dress was made from pale gold satin and cream lace. Her hair hung lightly over her shoulders in huge curls. There was nothing even slightly human about her. She seemed completely of another world.
Esme came and wrapped me in her arms, hugging me tightly. “You are beautiful.” she whispered in my ear.
I was no where near as beautiful as she and Alice were. I knew I shouldn’t worry, it was my wedding after all. But I couldn’t help feeling insignificant and plain all over again.
“Don’t worry, dear.” Esme said, holding me at arms length. “Everything is going to be perfect. You look wonderful.” she reassured me. “So don’t worry. We have everything under control.”
I sighed. “I just can’t help worrying about something going wrong.” I admited. I looked over at Alice, she looked offended.
Jasper had been away for much of this week, hunting. No one had wanted to take any chances. Esme and I had been sure he would be all right. Even though I think everyone was concerned about Jasper being near so many humans.
He had insisted on hunting more then usual, filling himself with blood. He didn’t want there to be even the slightest chance of becoming thirsty. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie had just returned this morning for yet another hunt.
“Oh, Alice no, that wasn’t what I meant.” I grabbed her hand. “I’m not worried about Jasper at all. I know it will be okay.”
A smile returned to Alice’s face. “Besides, I can’t see anything at all going wrong. Nothing. It’s going to be so perfect! Oh, you and Edward are going to look so beautiful . . .” she sounded like she was living in her own world.
“Don’t spoil the whole wedding for her.” Esme teased.
“BELLA!” exclaimed an excited voice.
I turned around to see Angela standing behind me. She ran to me and threw her arms around me. I was shocked. Angela was always so quiet. She had been shy and reserved when I had seen her this morning. Maybe it was just her way of being nervous.
“This is so exciting!” she said, bubbling over with happiness. “You look amazing. All of you do.” she said, looking at Esme and Alice and seeming a bit more nervous.
I thought that even Angela looked better then I did. Then I mentally kicked myself for being such a downer once again.
But it was true, Angela was beautiful. Her bridesmaid dress was the same Alice’s, although instead of black Angela’s dress was a light shade of peachy pink.
Her hair had been twisted into a tight bun on top of her head and out of her face. Her eyes were sparkling with a few unshed tears, her lips spread wide is a smile.
I grinned stupidly and hugged her again.
“Ben and Jessica are all ready outside. It’s beautiful today!”
“Thank goodness. I’m so glad it is not raining today.” Esme said.
“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Alice chirped. “I was prepared for rain or shine!”
“I love you, Alice.” I told her. She beamed Even though it wasn’t raining I was still glad Alice had been prepared for it.
Rose walked into the living room just then. “Hi Bella.” she said.
“Honey, you look amazing.” Esme said.
Rose was dressed in a deep red dress, it hugged her body perfectly. Her bright red heals made her legs look incredibly long. She had curled her blond hair and pinned it away from her face. I stared at her in awe. I was always amazed at how completely perfect she managed to be.
“I’m going to go, ah, find Ben.” Angela said, obviously uncomfortable being near Rosalie. Rosalie looked relieved as Angela left the room.
Rose smiled at Esme, Alice and I. “You really do look lovely Bella. That dress is perfect for you.”
I was shocked by her comment. I looked up at her, trying to see if she was only being sarcastic. Rosalie looked slightly melancholy. I knew what she had said was genuine.
Rosalie sighed. “Bella, you know how I feel about all of this.” as she spoke I felt dread lodging itself in my stomach. “I really wish you would give being a human another chance.” I was about to interrupt her, but she held up her hand. “I’m not finished,” she whispered. “I’ve told you how I feel, but it is your choice. As much as I’d like to, I cannot make up your mind.” she paused for a moment and looked away. When she looked back up at me I could see a bit of anger in her eyes, mixed with something that resembled love maybe. “You make Edward happy. He needs you, Bella. Apparently, it’s as simple as that. I’m going to try and support you, I can’t exactly fight your decision when everyone else agrees with it.” I heard her laugh softly. “No matter what happens, I think . . . you’ll make a pretty good Cullen.” she smiled at me and relief filled my body.
“Thank you Rose.” Esme said to her daughter. I stood there smiling, not quite knowing what to say.
“I will be glad to have you as a sister.” Rose said to me. She smiled and nodded her head.
“Thank you.” I couldn’t expressed how grateful I was to know that she was at least no longer totally against me.
From somewhere towards the back of the house there was a large crash and bang followed by profound string of curse words.
My heart began to beat wildly as my mind flashed to the Voltrui. No! They couldn’t be here yet! They had to give us more time. I thought about all the guests that would be here for the wedding.
“What on earth was that?” Alice asked slowly, sounding just as alarmed as I felt.
To everyone astonishment a wide grin broke across Rosalie’s face. “That was Emmett.”
“What is he doing?!” Alice wailed. “He better not have ruined the decorations.” anger had filled her voice. “I will rip him to shreds if he ruins a single flower for Bella and Edward’s wedding.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Esme said, starting to follow Rosalie to the back of the house. “It’s is nothing, right?” she asked Rose under her breath.
Alice turned to look at me. Her eyes wide in horror.
“Alice? What’s wrong?”
“Your hair!”
“What . . .”
“Come with me, we have got to fix your hair again.”
“Oh, please, Alice no.” I begged. But she was all ready dragging me up the stairs to her room. I tried not to trip over my skirt. The last thing I needed was to rip my wedding dress.
~~~
“You don’t look like my little girl anymore.” Charlie said softly in my ear for the fifth time. I clutched his arm tighter. “It’s okay, Bells.” he reassured me.
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
“I think your mother said the same thing to her father on our wedding day.” he chuckled. I wondered if that was supposed to make me feel better. Their marriage hadn’t exactly worked out.
I heard the music begin to play from the speakers set up in the back yard.
Oh god, oh god, oh god. It’s started! My stomach was rolling around and around. I wanted to jump up and down and start screaming. I was so completely filled with adrenaline.
“Calm down Bells.” Charlie whispered.
But I couldn’t calm down. I listened to the music that was playing. It wasn’t the traditional wedding music, it was Edward’s piano music. This was one of the few things both Alice and I had agreed on. Edward on the other hand had protested. But together Alice and I had forced him to record some of his music onto a CD to play for the wedding.
In my head I could see Alice and Jasper walking down the aisle together, I had watched them only a hundred times.
Too soon Charlie and I were walking around the corner, stepping onto the white carpet and moving slowly down the aisle. To the music of my lullaby.
I couldn’t help looking around at all the faces. I saw Jessica in one of the back rows, she smiled as our eyes connected. But she looked strange, slightly withdrawn. Mike sat next to her with a ridiculously jealous look on his face. I fought the urge to laugh. Tyler and Eric and Lauren and Austin were sitting there also. It turned out that about half the senior class had showed up. But I didn’t bother to be angry with Alice.
I was glad to be wearing flats as I stumbled slightly. Thankfully Charlie caught my arm tighter and no one seemed to notice.
A few people snapped pictures of me as I walked, making my stomach turn more. I saw Renee and Phil in the front row. Renee all ready had tears in her eyes. Carlisle and Esme sat on the other side of the aisle, Rosalie next to them. Carlisle and Esme smiled brightly as I walked closer to them. Both looked utterly beautiful.
Charlie and I stopped, just as practiced. I turned to look at him. He looked very emotional, I could tell he was trying not to cry. He kissed my cheek awkwardly. “I love you, Bells.” and walked to his seat next to Renee.
I turned. Both Emmett and Jasper were beautiful and stunning in their matching dark tuxedos. Emmett was dark in the black tux and his dark curly hair. Jasper was the combination of dark and light, honey colored hair against the dark fabric of the tux. Their pale skin was beautiful and almost like a blinding light.
Emmett raised his hands in a thumbs up gesture. “You didn’t trip.” he mouthed silently. I could see the vibration of his chest and he rumbled with silent laughter. Jasper elbowed him softly.
Alice smiled at me as I glanced up at her. She was dazzling and her dress was beautiful. Angela somehow managed not to look normal and boring next to the vampires. She was bright with happiness. While her eyes were not perfect and golden, her skin was not pale, she still looked completely beautiful. She was gorgeous in her own human way.
I noticed that the vampires were standing directly under the archway. The sun was low in the sky, it was after noon. The sun did not hit them directly although I thought their skin might have been glowing slight. Alice was very smart and very prepared.
I took one more step and turned my body to face that of a god. Edward stood in front of me, looking just absolutely breath taking.
I was instantly captured in his topaz eyes that held so much love for me. His pale lips formed a smile, my mouth mimicked his. I felt happy, the nerves faded away. It was just Edward and me standing up there. No one else was there. I felt like our love was a physical force between us, growing and consuming us, pushing us together.
The wedding passed as though a dream, everything seemed to happen at once. Someone slipped a ring onto my finger, someone said words that floated around my head. I felt my mouth moving to speak.
I heard Edward’s sweet velvet voice. “I Edward, take you Isabella, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish you and I will love you more each day than I did the day before, I promise to love you unconditionally. I give you my hand, my love, my heart, and my soul from this day forward. Death will not part us. I promise that I could never stop loving you, I will love you forevermore. Where you go I will go and where you stay I will stay. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried . . .”
Tears formed in my eyes as I listened to his vows. I said mine as his cold thumbs were brushing away my tears.
Then his mouth was pressed against mine, his hand on the small of my back. I stroked his face with my hand, drinking in his smell, his taste.
We were married. Now it seemed like something so simple. But to me it didn’t matter that we were married. I loved him with all my heart no matter what.
We pulled apart and walked back down the aisle. Renee was sobbing, a huge smile spread across her face, from ear to ear. Charlie was trying not to cry although he continued to dab at he eyes while trying to comfort Renee. Phil was even looking a little teary-eyed as he rubbed my mom’s back. Esme rested her head on Carlisle’s shoulder looking overwhelmed with happiness. Mike still looked ridiculous but even he couldn’t help smiling.
Edward and I walked away from the crowd of people, the music fading away into background noise. He picked my up and ran to the front of the house in a second. He held me tightly in his arms and kissed me for a long moment. I was crying in happiness once again.
“Oh how I love you, my dearest Bella.” he whispered against my collar bone. I held his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his again and again.
~~~
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The Porcelain Lovers (Rated PG-13), My Twilight Fanfiction.
