Rant Board

[immortal_Z]

You and Shianne are the only ones left. The rest I have lost any sympathy at all for. They've turned out almost worse than what was done to them. Actually, everyone except Allison turned out worse...

[ryan.riverside]

I imagined that such was the case..

[immortal_Z]

This will be, I think, my last post, before I delete myself off of this site. This site has been my place of refuge for so long, that it has become more a part of me than most things here, in my life. I told myself all school year that once summer break rolled around, more people would post because then they'd have time on their hands. When that didn't happen, I started telling myself that since it's summer, people have just been too busy to post. But with only four weeks til school starts again, for me, I think it's about time to give up before it hurts too much to.

I want to thank you all, if any of you still come around the ruins of our site, for helping me all you have, especially Ryan and Rees (I'm sorry, Rees. If you read this and want your name to stay hidden, just edit it out, I couldn't bring myself to keep calling you Emika anymore), for all they've done, and for letting me into your lives like you have.

I don't talk to any of my friends, or who used to be my friends, at least, as much as I'd like anymore. You start losing faith in the few things you still held it for when someone you'd thought was dead shows up, then goes ahead and completely ignores you, one turns into something beyond evil, and your best friend isn't hardly there anymore.

I just miss everyone terribly, I guess.

There was more, but it just isn't worth the effort anymore..

I'll probably delete myself in a day or two, if I remember.

[immortal_Z]

-insert the goodbye he wants to say but cannot say without completely losing all respect for himself-

[ryan.riverside]

I, for one, know that I'm not around nearly as much as I'd like to be, or as I used to be. I'm sorry Stijn turned out to be an asshole. I'm sorry our treasure died on us. It's a sad thing, losing a loved one, and this site is one. I don't care that only three of us even look at the site anymore. I don't care that things aren't anything like they used to be. Hell, I do care, and it tears me apart. Life gets in the way of a lot of things that I once cherished. I get all of these noble ambitions, and I initiate what I hope can be the ultimate whatever, but it always ends up being a letdown when my attention gets jerked in another direction, and I abandon what it was that I had once so closely treasured. This site is actually not one of those things. I held this site in my arms, cradling its head, as it slowly died. We had some great people that came through here. Some fantastic people that left all too soon. And eventually it came to be just the three of us: Hikaru (arigato gozaimasu), Cadence (the immortal), and myself. It's sad how something I'd once hoped to be a place where things could be different has become nothing more than a ghost town. I've tried to think of different things that would help revive the site, but I've never actually done any of them.

I'm sorry, Cadence. I'm sorry I'm not here enough for you. My life has changed, albeit not entirely the way that I would like it to. The Curse of Gifts, my baby... The Curse of Gifts used to be my haven from the world. By now, I've read every topic on this site a dozen times at least, and i come here when I am feeling nostalgic. For what it's worth, I'm forcibly changing things again. I'm writing again, which is a step in the right direction. I'm willing to get my hands dirty and my elbows greased getting this site back where it used to be.

And now for my obligatory rant:

I miss challenging conversations. Conversations that made me think. I was sitting here today in front of the computer, engaged in seven conversations at once. What I found was that all of them were robotic. None of them made me think in the least bit. I remember when Cadence and I first met, almost all of our conversations made me think, and I know they made him think. When at last I was ready to go to bed, I found that my body would not let me. And so I felt drawn here. And what you said up there, Cadence, it made me think. It actually made me think. I feel like the last year I've been in a bit of a trance. I've woken up, and as such, I'm leaving a lot of my mindless crap behind me. Whoever reads this, if you're going to talk to me, engage me. Don't just howdy-doo me. I HATE that. I'm not saying to eliminate small talk completely, but still. I'm sick of not being engaged. Yeah, maybe I'm selfish, but if I'm wasting my time making no-talk with you, why the hell should I keep wasting it? If you want to talk to me, make it worth my while. Hell, make it worth your while. Looking over what I've just typed, I hear the song "I Can See Clearly" ringing through my head. I also see that it sounds like hippie bullshit. I don't care. I'm living the way I want to, and if you don't agree with it, I don't really care. Evolution begs me to thumb my nose at your ignorance and self-serving nincompoopitude.

[immortal_Z]

one more shot for it, then. we aren't dead yet.