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[HawkStrike]

Me and... a friend have been closer then I've ever been to anyone.

So how is it she can keep so many big secrets from me?

I want to help her. So badly. But whenever something happens I find out through someone else.

I found out she was cutting and not eating through someone else.

I found out she needed help in school through someone else.

And today, I find out that her mother is accused of involuntary child slaughter while baby sitting.

Through the newspaper.

I just want to know what I'm doing wrong... I love her like a sister. And I'm scared for her like heck. I care for her more then anyone I've ever known.

Help me.

Please.

What do I do?

[Fluffy]

Hawky... please, don't mean this is Tangle; is it? Well, it's really not for us to know if she wouldn't tell us... but wow, that something huge to keep from your best friend, what happened to her mom... Something HUGE for anyone to have going on in their life... Perhaps she didn't want to tell you some of those things because she was ashamed, or because her family didn't want anyone to know--involuntary manslaughter, of a kid (I guess?) while babysitting... I don't know. I am no wiseman and don't have any advice for you. I can only promise you that you and your friend will be in my prayers... Just let her know you know, okay, about those things? And you're there, because that's such a blessing for someone going through something so hard...

May God be with you guys as you go through this difficult time. Help repair this friendship. And let Hawky's friend know that she has someone who loves her so much, how blessed she is to have that love, and that she has both you and A. when she feels so alone. Omigosh, I hope this isn't happening to Tangle--bless her, too, God, while you're at it, for being a loyal friend back to HawkStrike in the past, too.

We all love you here, HawkStrike. Please just keep hanging in there. :/

~Fluff <3

[HawkStrike]

I've talked to her about it.

She was there when it happened. Her mom had the kid in a car seat in a blanket by himself for hours. He died of hyperthermia. Her mom faces a $100,000 bond or prison.

She won't talk anymore about it. I don't even know what happened at the trial that happened today...

I've never been more afraid for her. And now I'm sick with a fever.

I just want to know that she's alright. I pray to God she's alright.

[Rainnose]

As Fluffy iterated, I'm no wise man, but if I were to give any advice it would be that the sad truth of things like this is that they happen, and they can't un-happen. If anything, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and make sure that all of this doesn't weigh too heavily on your own consciousness. What your friend does is, frankly, none of your business: that's not to say that she was right to keep it from you, but you certainly don't have a right to know. If your friend doesn't want your help or your love, don't force it upon her. My advice would be to let her know that you're there if and when she needs you- and, honestly, that's all you can really do. What happens to her mom is out of your hands, what happens to HER is, in many ways, out of your hands. Don't beat yourself up over what you can't control. Don't throw yourself into depression over the random, sometimes miserable, events life brings.

But, above all, instead of asking us for help, try to detach from the emotions and irrationalities of the situation and look at it from a third party angle. If you were someone else, what advice would you give? Ignore everything you know and feel and take the time to honestly discuss the situation in your own mind. I think you'll come to the conclusion that it makes no sense for you to be unhappy because of others' misfortunes. It's great to care, but you don't have to go down with the ship. I'm giving you permission to rescue yourself even if nobody else can be saved.

All we can do now is say that we love you and will support you in whatever way possible. I don't believe God can do anything because s/he/it (probably) doesn't exist, so I won't pray for you, but I'll send positive energy and thoughts your way.

LOVE & LIFE,
Rain/Eli ♥

[HawkStrike]

I realize I shouldn't worry so much. But I'd hardly say I force my love on her. She knows me and my family is there for her. That's where I stand.

And how would you feel knowing that a great friend of yours has been going to counseling for months because she saw a child die in front of her? I don't want to rescue myself Rainnose. I don't want to leave her alone in this. I'll sink with the ship for her sake, even if its just me standing behind her, without saying a word.

Maybe I shouldn't be putting myself under this. But understand that not being able to stop caring is just part of who I am.

[Rainnose]

So you're a martyr. Great. That's your prerogative. See if it helps her to know that her unhappiness has affected you negatively as well. Gee, that's bound to cheer her up.

I'm not trying to be mean, but don't pretend that your overcompensation is part of your "nature" as if you were born with the magical ability to care about everyone. It's a choice. Your choice. Own it. Otherwise, you aren't helping anyone, least of all this girl you claim to care about.

In answer to your question, I posit another. How would you feel knowing that one of my friends was going to counseling for some reason and hadn't told me? Would you feel bad? Maybe, a little. Chances are, you wouldn't care that much. You wouldn't think about it that much. What happens in my life isn't of that much consequence to you. But when it's your own friend, the stakes are higher, aren't they? That's just the way it is. So when I tell you I hope you won't destroy yourself over something that's completely out of your control, it's because I have no real personal connection with your friend whom I either don't know or don't know that I know if I do, and at least some (admittedly small but still significant enough to care about) connection to you. Truth is, if you take yourself down with the ship, you're selfish; you abandon everyone else (not just me, I'm nothing, but everyone else you know) for this one person you can't even help. And because I have no emotional attachments to this situation or circumstance, I have no trouble telling you this flat-out and without reservations. It may sound rude, and it probably is. It's also true. If you want someone to legitimize your detrimental super-caring, go to therapy. If you want help, which is what you asked for, then realize it's not all going to be pretty and clean. Someone around here has to be willing to tell members it's not healthy to kill themselves in the name of love.

Ultimately, I respect that what you do is your decision. Doesn't mean I'm going to pretend that scissor beats rock. What makes sense makes sense, even if tons of people would rather sob than think when the going gets tough. I hope your friend appreciates the love you show her; otherwise, it's going to really suck for both of you.

Rain/Eli ♥

[Fluffy]

Never stop caring. That much I can say. You will destroy yourself, everything you value, if that is who you are. Lol, you sound like you've already concluded that, though. If she knows you love her, and that it hurts you not to be a part of her life because you do, what is there really to "do" that you're not already? It sounds like you are giving all you can give. She may or may not take; and Rainnose is right: you have to brace yourself if she won't take. Only time will tell how things turn out.