Monarch of the Sea

Well here is my first comic I have ever actually decided to go with so be easy.
I hope you guys enjoy this and thanks for reading! I will be updating this weekly
BTW Cyka is russian for bitch k?

"Monarch of the Sea"
By, Fellow

Chapter 1

"Get up you lousy peices of shit!" yelled Sargent Nikolai. We all jumped out of our bunks and ran onto the the deck. My heart was pounding, I saw the kitchen and the fire, and my comrades burning. When we made it on to the deck the whole ship rocked back and forth. Water had soaked the wooden floor making it slippery. "Fucking cyka's got us surrounded!" declared Sargent Nikolai, "Volokov get on the fucking mounted gun and start shooting down these cyka's!". "Yes sir, right away!" I yelled back at Nikolai. I ran towards the gun, the ship rocking back and forth made me trip and run very slowly. I grabbed the gun and saw a dead comrade laying there. His blood had been shed on the gun's trigger. I pulled the trigger with disgust, feeling the blood run down my hand. I aimed the heavy gun and fired away at any oncoming airplanes. "Ah!" screamed my comrades, I looked back to see what was going on and to my surprise the navigation tower had fallen crushing many of my comrades and starting a major fire. I was tired, scared, and dizzy. I jumped over board into the dark cool pacific. I felt the cool water run through my sweaty skin, I was happy. I felt like a kid jumping into a pool on a hot summer day. That's when I noticed a mist of blood surrounding my body. "My god!" I screamed as I saw my bloody arm. I had been shot and the wound was bleeding excessively. The blood flowed out of my arm rapidly, I thought I was going to die. "Splash!" a fighter plane had fallen into the ocean creating a massive flow of waves. My mind went blank, I was bleeding and drowning. I passed out quietly in the massive naval battle.

First comic? You mean writing, right. It's pretty good, though it's a bit short for a chapter, as well, it's sort of hard to understand what's happening. Try using more sensory words, and describe some physical characteristics of the character too.

This isn't chapter 1 entirely

Sorry I cant edit posts so here is chapter 1 continued....

I remember the day I enlisted, my first day in the Russian navy. "Volokov, god dammit get the f*ck up!" yelled drill Sargent Mikhail. I hopped out of my bunk with my eyes half shut and slightly slouching my back. "What the f*ck is this? I told you to wake the f*ck up cyka!" yelled Mikhail while violently slapping me in the face with his brass ring. He lead me and my comrades outside, as we headed I noticed the moonlight shining on my drill sargents dark sunglasses. Sargent stroked his beard and smirked. Sargent Mikhail was a rugged man with dark skin due to his middle eastern ancestry. "Volokov, why are you looking at me? Do you think I look pretty?" asked Mikhail. "Yes sir, Drill Sargent looks great in his uniform!" I replied nervously.
He looked at all my comrades with a slight smirk on his face. He walked up to my comrad Alexander, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in front of me. "So, Volokov, you fucking gay now? Do you want to kiss Alexander?" said Mikhail with a smile on his face. "Sargent Mikhail, I am not gay and do not want to make out with comrad Alexander!" I shouted back. Mikhail's smile turned into a frown instantly. He looked at me defiantly and raised his index finger to my eyes. "What the f*ck was that my little cyka? Do you think your fucking baby blue eyes will get me to take pity on you?" yelled Mikhail back at me. Sargent Mikhail grabbed my arm and pulled me and Alexander to a nearby lake. It was the middle of the winter, January if I remember correctly. As I was thrown into the lake I could feel the icy water cooling my skin. I then saw Alexander thrown into the water as well. It was freezing, and Alexander had been stripped down to his boxers. "Now all you have is eachother, Volokov! Alexander is fucking freezing, you gonna leave him there to die? Hyptothermia kicks in real fast, Volokov. Best hug your comrad or he dies!" Yelled Mikhail from the shores of the lake. I looked at Alexander with pity. He was in trouble because of me and he could die soon. I swam towards Alexander and hug him tightly in order to keep him warm. "Ahahahahaha! Volokov, you are a fucking gay! Get out of my fucking lake and report back to me!" Said Mikhail merrily. I shook my head by, my shaven head had felt frozen. I dragged Alexander out of the water and we walked back to our bunks to change.

Okay, well asides from there being some spelling errors, I thought it was okay... A bit weird that the guy didn't die if he was stripped down to his boxers in a cold as hell country like Russia, and then thrown into freezing cold water. D: Even if you had clothes on, and you fell in the water there, you'd die almost instantly. My recommendation, is you watch out for things like that, that sometimes ruin the setting of the story.

Meh I looked it up and it says it takes about 5 minutes to get hyptohermia.

Not necessarily.... Your body will freeze from wind hitting your already cold body as well. If you had a lot of clothes on, then maybe five minutes, but when they're stripped like that, they have no chance of survival.

umm volokov still jas clothes on

No, I was talking about Alexander.

well you can't take everything literal this is a common factor in many fiction books.

here's a new addition!
Peohak means baby in russian ;D

My clothes where soaking wet. They felt heavy and I could barely run my normal speed. Alexander tripped over a tree stem but got his balance back quickly. We continued running noticing the dark blue sky and watch towers lights shining far away. As soon as we got into the sleeping quarters we started changing quickly. Suddenly Alexander paused and look straight at me. He then said very bluntly "thanks...". I didn't respond, all I did was shake my head and continue putting on a new shirt. We got back to Sargent Mikhail as quickly as we could, of course he yelled at us but that's his job. After several hours of drills I went to bed dreaming of the day I would fight in the war. A month later I had completed my "training" and was scheduled to be sent off into the seas in June. As soon as I hear this I was filled with excitement. I had always wanted to see the world, to find out how America was like. The first chance I got I went home to Moscow. My mother owned a bakery, she struggled with payments but we got by. Returning to Moscow was nice. I felt relaxed knowing I had no one yelling at me, it brought back many memories from my childhood. I walked to the bakery with my mom dropping her bread rolls and yelling "Peohak!" I hugged her tightly while her wet tear soaked the shoulders of my uniform. "Why haven't you called I was worried!" asked my mom with a dissapointed expression on her face. "I have been busy with everything no times you know? Anyways how are you mother?" I asked. She smiled and placed her hand on her hips "I have been great honey." she said calmly while smiling lightly.

bumped...

Pretty nice. I can't really find anything to crit with this one. So please, continue on.

ok so here is an update. I will be updating this faster because I am using WORD now YAY!

We walked around Moscow; my mom showed me the changes in the city since I left. I went home later that night to see how the house was, “They opened a bookstore across the street Nikolai” said my mother while pointing to a small cranny that had a cheaply made sign of wood. I looked back over to our house and noticed that the metal fence around our house had become rusty over the rain. I also noticed some spray paint on the yellow paint on our house. My mother did not live in the nicest neighborhood of Moscow but it is all we got. A red car with blasting music came speeding by the road behind us. “Want to come in Niko?” asked my mother. I shook my hand as I pushed the gate door aside. It was a dark cloudy day like it always is in Russia I took note of the birds flying south overhead. I felt a cold sensation as I entered the house, “Sorry it is hard to keep the house tidy by myself, you know the bakery and all.” My mother said with a funny expression. “You say sorry too much mother. The house is fine so don’t worry I wonder how my room is…” I said to my mom while going up the stairs and grinning back at her. The steps on the wooden staircase squeaked as I went up the stairs. I took a left past the hallway and opened the white doors which led to my room. Everything was untouched and well kept. I smiled and dropped my bags, the first chance I got I jumped on my bed. I closed my eyes and tried remembering my childhood as a young Russian Jew. Us Russian Jews where never accepted much here, we had it tough and that is why we are tough. I joined the Navy to get away from the Mafia crap first chance I got. I looked around and saw my TV packed with dust on it’s screen. I grabbed the remote and pressed the on button to watch some TV. We weren’t allowed any TV time in the training camp, so I was happy to have some quality time here. My father had always been a schmuck, chasing after things he couldn’t get. He was thrown in jail for assault and battery against some prick who called him a Cyka. This led to my father grabbing a gun and bashing him in the face repeatably. I shut off the tv, and walked out of my room, and told my Mother I was going to go out and meet up with some old pals.

I fixed some mistakes in there for you.

This post has been edited by poonipoonz on Sep 17 2008, 05:30 AM