CHEESY BIG ROBOT BIL LOVE STORY., On the bright side, I won the bet...

Last night, my sister challenged me to write a love story between her OC, Kloreen, and Big Robot Bil, because "You can't make Big Bil romantic. It's impossible!" She said she'd give me $5 if I could prove her wrong.

Now there are five dollars in my pocket.

So, enjoy this pile of sugar, cheese, and a weasel. Or barf after reading it. I don't care which. I wrote it in 3 hours.


Kloreen's fingers trembled. The signs in front of her read "Danger!" "Don't jump in The Drain!" So why was she here?

She'd heard of The Drain before, many times, and from many different people. At first, she refused to believe the stories. "Why would Hoborg put a giant hole in the bottom of such a safe world?" she had asked. It just didn't make sense. But, the more she thought about it, and the more she heard about it, the more likely the mysterious gaping hole seemed. It wasn't as if dangers were new to the Neverhood; the older Hoodians often bragged about how they had been created after the Great Disaster (which was, of course, the most famous event in the world's brief history), and even the youngest Hoodians could recite twenty perfectly good reasons not to play with a jack-in-the-box.

And now, here she was, peering off the edge of one of the deepest holes in the universe in the middle of the night. Kloreen knew her friends would never believe her. She was usually very timid when it came to adventures, even if others were around. She refused to go anywhere a Weasel had ever been spotted (she called it "Their Territory," even if it wasn't), she hated trying new foods, and any time after sunset (if you could call it that) made her imagine all sorts of horrible things lurking in the shadows behind buildings, so she usually stayed home. But, she knew that if her friends knew where she was going, they would demand to go to the Drain with her. Then, they might challenge each other to lean down into it as far as they could… or worse, accidentally knock her into it while goofing off!

Kloreen shivered as she peeked down into the hole a second time. She'd heard that other worlds sometimes passed under the Neverhood, and that if you jumped at the right time, you could easily travel to one. She couldn't see anything other than endless darkness below her now. Kloreen took a few steps away from The Drain and lied down, then poked her head over The Drain's edge again. With her body completely on land, not leaning over the hole, she felt a bit safer looking down into the strange dark abyss that surrounded the world.

Kloreen rolled to one side and let one of her arms dangle down The Drain. Does it feel different outside of the Neverhood? she wondered. She'd heard so many myths -- It was warm. It was cold. It was full of tiny dirt particles that you could feel but not see. There was no air. There was more air. She was desperate to prove something while she was there, but, unfortunately, she couldn't feel anything except the thick night air of the Neverhood at her fingertips.

Maybe I'm not far down enough? She stretched her arm -- just a bit -- and wiggled her thick fingers.

"Nope, nothing different," she muttered. "The Neverhood must end further down than this." Kloreen sighed, disappointed. "Oh, well." She rolled about 15 feet away from The Drain to make sure that she wouldn't fall, then stood up. The air around her felt cool, dry, and still. She looked over at The Drain again, feeling rather disappointed. It just wasn't as thrilling as the others made it seem. There was no imminent danger so long as you didn't lean over it or deliberately leap into it. She'd even stuck her entire arm down into the nothingness and come out away without so much as a shudder.

A gentle, warm, moist breeze struck the back of Kloreen's neck. For a brief moment, she was pleased. She had forgotten her coat in her room and was beginning to get very cold. Then, she became confused. A breeze underground? Surely not…

Kloreen turned around just as the Weasel opened its massive mouth. The Weasel's roar echoed across the walls, filling the area with the booming screechy sound. It was actually quite a young weasel, barely half a year old, but it was still just an inch shorter than Kloreen was, and looked just as hungry as its adult counterparts.

Kloreen's mind reeled. Perhaps the Weasel was unable to see her clearly in the darkness? She took a step backwards. The Weasel took a step forward, clicking its claws angrily. Kloreen felt a lump appear in her throat as she took another, slower step backwards. The Weasel raised its long arms, making a quiet screechy moaning noise through its several rows of teeth, as if to say, "I'm tired of playing these games." Kloreen raised one leg, intending to take another step back, then stopped in mid-motion. The Drain! It was still behind her. Too many steps and she would certainly fall in.

With a surprising amount of speed for her usually slow legs, she ducked down, narrowly dodging a snapping claw, and darted to the right. The plan was to run around the Weasel and escape before it could follow, and it would have worked had Kloreen been able to see the large, dark boulder on the path in front of her.

"Oof!" Kloreen's body was sprawled on the floor in all directions, her head lying on top of the large rock. The soft Clomp! Clomp! Clomp! of the young Weasel's footsteps bounced off every wall, making it sound as if a hundred of the giant crabs were heading towards her in all directions. Kloreen felt the hot breath of the Weasel approaching closer to her neck and she gulped. Even if she was made of everlasting Klay, whatever the Weasel did to her would hurt quite a bit…

"HELLLLLLP!"

"MEEEE BIL!"

With a crash that seemed to shake the entire Neverhood, Big Robot Bil suddenly broke through the ceiling in front of Kloreen, landing in a pile of dirt, dust, and rocky rubble. The Weasel screamed, raising its pincers and clicking them angrily. Bil stood up (It struck Kloreen as odd that he fit at all) and charged the weasel.

"MEEEE BIL!" Bil's claw arm shot forward, but the limber young Weasel leapt almost gracefully out of the way (for a Weasel) and used its hard head to ram into one of Bil's mechanical ankles. "MEEEE BIL!" The big robot stumbled and teetered, his balance shaken, several pained-sounding whirs emitting from his rather large body. The Weasel made a pleased-sounding noise, took several steps back, and charged forward again, this time aiming for Bil's other leg. Bil regained his balance and quickly slid out of the way, the weasel just inches away from him.

By this time, Kloreen had managed to lift herself off of the ground and was now watching the battle with a slack-jawed expression. Bil had appeared out of nowhere to rescue her. But why? Dozens of Hoodians called for help each day, and Bil had never shown up for them, yet when she called...

The Weasel slammed into the wall with immense force, interrupting Kloreen's musings. The floor shook violently and caused her to stumble backwards.

"Augh!"

Both Bil and the Weasel heard Kloreen's scream, and both turned their head towards her, but the Weasel was the only one who came charging forward. Kloreen desperately scrambled backwards, hoping to buy some time…

and fell backwards into The Drain.

"YAAAAAH!" Kloreen screeched, flailing her arms and legs wildly in the nothingness. She could feel the air getting much colder and thinner below her as she hurtled rapidly downwards. Kloreen closed her eyes in panic. She could hear nothing now but the wooshing of air in her ears… no, now there were several enormous crashing noises… and a cold hand gripped around her waist.

Kloreen's eyes popped open as she traveled upwards, clutched gently in Bil's mechanical palm. The young Weasel lie in a corner of the room, dazed and half-dead. Large, square footprints (Bil's, of course) were etched deeply into the usually solid ground, as if he had slammed his feet into the floor to rescue her.

Now Kloreen was sitting on Bil's shoulder as he walked in his normal slow, deliberate way in the direction of her house. Kloreen looked up at her metallic rescuer.

"Umm… thanks?"

Bil's head swiveled in her direction.

"Meee Bil…" Bil's voice was somehow quieter than usual. His large eyes, which normally emitted bright, white light, were emitting a soft yellow glow.

"Um… are you hurt? You sound kind of off…" But Bil just shook his large head and continued to stare at Kloreen. Kloreen had the strangest feeling that, while Bil's face was always smiling, he was just as pleased on the inside as on the outside at the moment.

"Uh, anyways… thanks for saving me. I appreciate it." Kloreen reached out a hand and gently patted Bil on the cheek to show her gratitude… then quickly pulled it back.

"Ouch!" she shouted, sucking on her burnt fingers. "Your face is hot!" Bil began to stare at the ground and kicked an enormous foot.

"Meee Bil…" Bil's electronic voice was VERY quiet now, and he stared at the ground.

How odd, thought Kloreen. It was almost as if he was embarassed. Or maybe…

"Bil!" Kloreen gasped. "Are you in love with me!?" Bil paused for a moment. His eyes flickered off for the shortest moment, as if he had blinked in surprised. Then, slowly, he began to nod.

"Meee Bil…" His voice sounded almost like a whisper now. He fiddled with his claw-arm with his right arm nervously. Kloreen grinned and inched closer to Bil's large head.

"So that's why you came to my rescue," Kloreen smiled. "You heard me walking around and were worried about me." Bil was silent for the next few steps, staring at the ground like an embarrassed schoolboy.

"Well… thanks again," Kloreen smiled again. Bil turned his head to face her, the soft yellow glow of his eyes slightly faded, as if he was unsure what to expect. Kloreen leaned in and gave Bil a kiss on the cheek, ignoring the heat emitting from it. "That was very sweet."

Moments later, Kloreen was lying in her own warm bed, listening to the big robot's lumbering footsteps grow farther and farther away. She rolled over onto her other side and snuggled contentedly under the covers.

I have a hero now, she realized, a wide smile crawling across her face. That's pretty cool. She sighed, hugged her pillow to her chest, and drifted off into slumber.

I KNOW YOU WON THE BET BUT STILL. THINGS.

I NEED TO-
I NEED TO MAKE A REACTION IMAGE.

OR OTHER IMAGES I CAN'T EVEN-

GGGH

WHY IS THIS MAKING ME SO HYPER AND HAPPY I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY?!

sorry neverhood fandom sometimes I like giant robots ok

D'aww, Bil's behavior is super adorable.

Enjoyed the reading, but I cannot hold myself from reminding: Bil has only one eye!

Bil is looking at you with his two eyes and wondering what's wrong with you.

Eh. Yes. But for long time I thought that those are his cheeks! Thus, dial is lone eye.

the picture is AMAZING!!!!! I want a Klogg figure

Wha? That's the actual Bil. Doug sold him to... someone. I dunno who.

OMG so cool!!!!!!!