Klogg tormenting Kleo, (for a change)

I felt the need to balance things up... so here it is. Klogg, you get the upperhand. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Kleo- Good morning, Klogg! (pulls out a list she'd prepared earlier) Where did you get all your catch- phrases from, a four year old kid? You know, I can lend you my tweezers for that horrible uni-brow. What's that? Oh, just your teeth-
Klogg- Be quiet.
Kleo- (shuts up)
(a couple of hours later)
Klogg- You're awfully quiet today.
Kleo- (writes vigorously)
Kleo- (Holds up sign)- 'You told me to be quiet!'
Klogg- (snaps fingers) Right.
Kleo- (waits for Klogg to tell her she can speak again)
Klogg- (says nothing)
Kleo- (writes again, holds up sign) 'You are gay!'
Klogg- (without looking at her)- Stop writing, too. And I'm not.
(a couple of hours later)
Klogg-(without looking) Stop signal- smocking, Kleo.
(a couple of hours later)
(Kleo is doing charades)
Klogg- So let's recap. I am a weird megalomaniac with the attention span of a maggot, the wits of a weasel, (Kleo nods) and the looks of a filthy rag, the kind that has hairs and pieces of food stuck to it. (Kleo claps hands)
Klogg- In that case, you are… (thinks) a stupid bitch.
Kleo- (opens mouth)
Klogg- (goes back to his reading)

***

(Klogg's hands are filled with slime for some reason)
Klogg- Kleo, come over here, I want to wipe my hands on your hair.

***

(Both of them are sitting and eating breakfast)
Kleo- You know, I spat in your plate.
Klogg- Yes, I switched the plates.
Kleo- I spat in both of them, to be on the safe side.
Klogg- (looks at her as if he had seen her for the first time) Kleo, stand up.
Kleo- (stands) What do you want now, mister 'I'm too-
Klogg- Sit down.
Kleo- (sits) You're so going to pay for-
Klogg- Stand up.
Kleo- (stands) If you think you've had it hard before, it's just-
Klogg- sit down…

(The sun is setting, the moon is rising)
Klogg's voice- stand up… sit down…

***

Klogg- Run to that tree and touch it, 30 seconds, MOVE!
(obviously, Kleo curses and grumbles but does what she's told)
Klogg- Kleo, why are you touching the tree? Is it yours?
Kleo- (pants)
Klogg- Apologize.
Kleo- I'm sorry, bonehead.
Klogg- No, not to me, to the tree!!!
Kleo- I'm sorry, tree. Klogg, you're the biggest-
Klogg- (shocked) Why are you talking to trees, Kleo?!

Ohmygosh these are awesome! I LOVE your mind!

I'm a bit braindead to actually add anything of value, but I WILL go back and read these several times.

I'm really glad you like it, because it's your character. These were very fun to write.

Klogg- Well, I can't help myself. She's so cute when she's murderously angry.
...
Klogg- (comes back) Don't tell her I said that, though.

First Zazzy and now you, you guys are spoiling me! Your ideas are awesoooome. I'll try to add one so I don't look like a cheapskate...


Klogg: *lying on a table with his shirt off*
Kleo: *massaging him* o e
Klogg: Oohhhh yeah! *moans*
Kleo: ...PLEASE don't do that.
Klogg: ... *moans louder* >P
Kleo: Can I stop yet? D|
Klogg: Hey, I'm your king and you're gonna treat me like it! ...Now tell me I'm hot.
Kleo: *groans* ... *resentfully* You're a gorgeous studmuffin...
Klogg: Mmmm... lower. >D
Kleo: ; ;


Edit - got another


Klogg: Hey Kleo, hit yourself.
Kleo: *punches herself in the face*
Klogg; *taunting* Stop hitting yourself~!
Kleo: ... *stops*
Klogg: ...No, go on.

OMG, I can't stop laughing. There will be more when my brain gets back to work. it's 3:30 am!!!

...those are hilarious. I'm trying to come up with some, but they basically stink.


Klogg: *singing*
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted - I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid
Kleo: O.o Stopplz
Klogg: And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man...
Kleo: STOP
Klogg: ...HAMMA TIME *starts dancing* Can't touch 'dis!
Kleo: ....>.>
Klogg: YOU! Start dancing!
Kleo: *helplessly starts dancing*

--

Klogg: Simon says hop on one foot.
Kleo: *hops*
Klogg: Simon says pat your head and rub your belly at the same time...while still hopping on one foot.
Kleo: *does as she's told*
Klogg: Simon says do all that while yelling "I am an idiot" at the top of your lungs.
Kleo: YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE AN I-
Klogg: Not me.
Kleo: I AM AN IDIOT! I AM AN IDIOT! I AM AN IDIOT!
Klogg: Now stop.
Kleo: *stops*
Klogg: You lose.
Kleo: But you told me to stop!
Klogg: I didn't say 'Simon says.'
Kleo: But I have to stop anyways.
Klogg: That's the beauty of it. I always win.

--

Kleo: You are an idiot!
Klogg: Don't call me that.
Kleo: You are a stupid ape!
Klogg: Don't call me that either.
Kleo: You are a...a...
Klogg: ...stop. Why don't you find something better to call me.
Kleo: *leaves*
...
Kleo: *comes back holding a thesaurus* You are an indignant jackanapes!
Klogg: What?
Kleo: Selfish popinjay!
Klogg: ...stop reading that stupid book.
Kleo: *drops thesaurus*
Klogg: Now tell me what you really think I am.
Kleo: ... >.>
Klogg: Tell me!
Kleo: ...you are an evil, lying, slimy, devious, hot, irresistible... *covers mouth*
Klogg: Go on.
Kleo: I LOVE YOU!

/:D Yaaaaaay.

Aww yours were so sweet. He really does always win.

And since we had him singing...


Klogg: *sings*
I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses ~
Kleo: ...Yes it does.
Klogg: Less talking, more singing!
Kleo:
In all my fantasies
I always knew
That man and mystery
Were both in you~
Klogg: Yes! YES! Sing for me! AAHAAHAHA!


(excuse this gibberish. It's 2 am x x)

Thanks. :3

Aaah! Sing for Klogg, Kleo, SING!

I must've had the time difference figured out wrong, I thought it was 1:00 over there.


Klogg: Hey Kleo....
Kleo: *sleepily* What...I'm tired...
Klogg: I order you to stay up.
Kleo: ??
Klogg: You heard me. No sleeping!
Kleo: But I'm TIRED.
Klogg: *brings out playstation*
Kleo: ...you've gotta be kidding...
Klogg: You're going to try to play Skullmonkeys whilst I point and laugh.
Kleo: *grumbles*
Ten minutes later...
Klogg: HA! ASPLODE, KLAYMEN! ASPLOOODE!
Kleo: This is lame. *yawn* Can I go to bed now?
Klogg: Keep going! I want to see him fall into the hot dog sludge!
Kleo: *tilts head*
Klogg: ...what? Now, fall off that ledge...

You're both really good at this. I wanted to do something with Klogg making her sing/ dance/ play skullmonkeys too… but too late. :-P I'm not gonna quote everything I liked, because that will be too long.

aaww!

and simon says was cool. XD


Klogg- So two plus one are- say four-
Kleo- four- I mean three! Three!
Klogg- Kleo, there are skullmonkeys who are better at math than you.
Klogg- Let's try that again. One plus one equals- say three-
Kleo- Three- stop it!
Klogg- You're a hopeless case.

***

Kleo- Here's you're coffee.
Klogg- Why did you make me coffee?
Kleo- (grunts) You told me yesterday to start bringing you coffee at morning. And you said that I have to make it a good one, and I'm not allowed to spit in it.
Klogg- You've poisoned it, then.
Kleo- You know I can't poison you.
Klogg- (takes one sip, sprays coffee all over the place) That's horrible.
Kleo- But I've used the 'how to make good coffee' book you gave me!
Klogg- Really?
Kleo- (narrows eyes) I even made a little heart pattern with the milk, like you asked!
Klogg- Really?
Kleo- (looks at the stained floor) and I just finished cleaning the floor.
Klogg- Really?
(Next morning)
Klogg- (one sip, coffee all over the place) That's horrible.
Kleo- But… no, wait. You don't really hate that coffee.
Klogg- I do hate that coffee!
Kleo- And you know that I have to finish washing the floor before you get up.
Klogg- I forgot about that.
Kleo- It's not that you like drinking coffee first thing in the morning, it's just that you like tormenting me first thing in the morning!
Klogg- Kleo, I would never-
Kleo- (yells) You wouldn't?
Klogg- Go to your room.
Kleo- (leaves the room, but you can still hear her)
Klogg- And stop cursing.
Kleo- (mysterious thuds)
Klogg- Stop kicking the furniture.
Klogg- (smiles to himself)
Klogg- (hums) Who would buy this wonderful morning? Such a sky, I think I could fly…

***

Kleo- (without enthusiasm) Happy birthday, dear master, happy birthday, dear master, happy birthday to ugly-stupid-narcissist-Klogg, happy birthday to you.
Klogg- Oh, what a surprise. (opens present) What is it? What is it? It's exactly what I asked for. Awe! You shouldn't have!
Kleo- It's not like I had a choice.

***

Kleo- (in her room, drawing) ...and see how you like those scissors in your-
Klogg- (bursts in) Where are the clean underwear?
Kleo- In the drawer, go away!
Klogg- Whatcha doing?
Kleo- Nothing (tries to hide the picture)
Klogg- (snatches the paper) Is that me?
Kleo- Erm... yes.
Klogg- where am I?
Kleo- Strapped to a windmill's blade.
Klogg- What am I holding?
Kleo- No, actually, (gets up and point at it) it's stuck in your hand, see?
Klogg- It might take me a while to think of a proper punishment.
Kleo- (snatches the picture) You can't barge into other people's room, rummage through their personal things, and then complain about what you find!
Klogg- Can't I? I own this world and everything in it. I own this room, I own you. (Kleo stretches her arm to Klogg's neck, but of course she can't choke him)
(Later on)
Klogg's voice- Kleo, I've got it!
Kleo- Oh, goodie.

***

Klog- Kleo, lately I've been too harsh with you. So today, I'm cooking.
Kleo- (shocked)
(two hours later)
Kleo- You spat in it.
Klogg- Nope.
Kleo- It's poisoned.
Klogg- I would never poison you, who's gonna clean up the mess afterwards? Eat up.
Kleo- (Eats) What's in there? Oh, ew, you've used eggplants! I hate eggplants-
Klogg- (takes a deep breath. Smiles) Oops!
Kleo- I want to stop eating now. (eats)
Klogg- Maybe later. Waaay later.

***

Kleo- (watches through the binoculars) He's making a progress. Soon it's 'bye-bye unibrow', and 'hello sexy'.
Klogg- Just shut up and tell me what you saw.
Kleo- (chokes)
Klogg- Oh, I'm sorry. You can talk, just tell me what you saw.
Kleo- (breaths in) well...
Klogg- No, in fact- shut up and talk!
Kleo- (chokes)
Klogg- Shut up and talk! Shut up and talk! (laughs)
(Later on that day)
Klogg- Fly, Kleo, fly!
(Kleo jumps up and down and waves her hands frantically)
Kleo- @#*&!!! $#@%!!!


A merciful moment of fluff
Radio- everybody way! *ends*
Radio- *new song, a quiet one*
Klogg- Ooh, I like that song!
Kleo- (unimpressed) You like all songs.
(Klogg stands up and extends a hand)
Kleo- I don't want to dance with you.
Klogg- Do it anyway.
(They're waltzing and all that. If you want to take a vomit break, now is the right time)
Radio-
We've got a thing going on
And we both know that it's wrong
Kleo- (thinks) tomorrow I'll put scratching-powder in his underpants, but for now... (puts her head an Klogg's shoulder) that's okay.

I was laughing like mad by the time he started yelling "shut up and talk!" x3

FLY, KLEO, FLY!



Klogg: I will no longer be needing your service. Now self destruct.
Kleo: ??
Klogg: Klaymen can randomly explode. So I'm certain you can.
Kleo: ...n-no...you can't...
Klogg: Self destruct in T-minus 3...
Kleo: *panics*
Klogg: 2...
Kleo: KLOGG! *waves her arms around frantically*
Klogg: 1...
Kleo: *winces and cries*
Klogg: ...nevermind.
Kleo: *falls to the ground crying*
Klogg: Maybe tomorrow.

--

Kleo: I HATE YOU...SO MUCH
Klogg: Yup.
Kleo: I hate you.
Klogg: Uh-huh.
Kleo: You're supposed to say "I hate you too!"
Klogg: Nope.
Kleo: What?
Klogg: I don't hate you.
Kleo: You don't?
Klogg: Nope, I love you.
Kleo: ...what?
Klogg: I love that you do everything I say.
Kleo: ...oh.
Klogg: Spin around in little circles like a ballerina!
Kleo: *spins*
Klogg: Faster!
Kleo: *spins faster*
Klogg: FASTER!
Kleo: *tries to spin faster but falls down*
Klogg: Hmm...you look a little green... if you throw up, you know you're cleaning it up, right?
Kleo: *nods weakly*

Aaaahhhh I love you guys! XD

Aaahahahaa. |D And the flying! Oh, froggy, you have such the best fluff. Just enough to be cute without launching them into anything complicated or take away the tension. <3

The exploding was a brilliant idea, too. Heheh.

I wrote a stupid little oneshot like this a long while ago, where he ordered her to work way harder than her body could take without realising, and she died. But it's WAY too fluffy to post.

...what's wrong with fluffy? I wanna see D:


Kleo: Good morning, sunshine.
Klogg: Good morning, stupid.
Kleo: *grr* I brought breakfast.
Klogg: *whacks the plate, spilling food all over the floor* OOPS!
Kleo: What did you do that for?
Klogg: I didn't. You did. Now clean it up.


... wait. What if he could order her to do things that would completely mess with her mind?

Klogg: *does something particularly mean*
Kleo: *crying* Kloggggg....!!
Klogg: Now, forget what I just did.
Kleo: Hello there, what can I do for you today!

Klogg: Now, I want you to forget everything, and listen to me. My name is Klogg and you're my girlfriend...


I wanna come up with more actual good ones but all I can think of now is stupid stuff.

Yeeaaah, that was an RP once! XD He told her to believe everything he said, and that she was his wife.

There's a lot you can do with actual mind-messing, but the thing is that it quickly becomes too complicated to get a hold on. If he warps Kleo's perception of the world, which he's perfectly able to do, somebody's got to keep track of and remember the changes in her alternate reality.

Plus, y'know, it seems like although they're constantly fighting, they have built up a layer of trust. They trust in each other to do whatever will piss the other one off most, and then they try to pre-empt it. And then they go through a constant back-and-forth of ploys and insults, and it balances out.
If he changes her mind... it's like it's underhanded. She wouldn't even be able to tell. He could do anything to her and make her forget it, or tell her something is true so it becomes a true memory. Any of that breaks the trust and splits them apart. It's a bit like playing a game of chess, you try to take down your opponent, but you follow the rules. Finding how to use the rules to your advantage is what makes it fun.

Plus there's the fact that by the end when Klogg shoots himself, she has to be in her right mind or she'd be stuck. Perception is fickle but it seems like in this case it has to be left unchanged.


.....Or maybe I'm reading WAY too much into it.

...wow. That IS a lot of thinking. But I like it, it's fun to try and figure out all that kind of strange junk.



Ohh...oh gosh, you know the popular kids' game of Chinese torture? I thought it would be funny for Klogg and Kleo to play it. But I found this article, detailing what real Chinese torture was like. It made me shudder, especially because some of that stuff seems like something Klogg might do.

Anyways. I was thinking something along the lines of:

Klogg: Don't move a muscle...don't make a sound.
*pokes Kleo*
*sings the little bonus room song*
*steps on Kleo*
*jumps over Kleo's face*
Kleo: Ew put some pants on!
Klogg: You lose.

but after reading that article, my funny idea was crushed. I can't bear to think of:

Klogg: *shoves a knife into Kleo*



Okay, now for something sillier.

Klogg: Now, defy gravity!
Kleo: What? I can't do that!
Klogg: DO IT!
Kleo: I can't!
Klogg: Find a way.
Kleo: *leaves the room*
Five minutes later...
Kleo: Klogg!
Klogg: Where are you?
Kleo: Up here! I glued my feet to the ceiling!



I need to find something better to do.

Alternate one!


Klogg: Fly, Kleo, fly! *laughs*
Kleo: *jumps up and flaps arms uselessly*
Klogg: Fly away, go on! Ehehee!
Kleo: *preses the chest button that spins her stem like a helicopter blade, rises up, and zooms out of the window*
Klogg: ...
*later on*
Klogg: *alone* ...Shit.