my MST (Neverhood Community)

Title: my MST
Description: (dear god)

dsfrogs - October 31, 2008 10:39 PM (GMT)

Inspired by Pyreo and Tora's creation. :P
There are references all over the place, to just about everything known to man. ...

Hoborg- Here we are. I hope we're not too late.
Klogg- what.
Hoborg- Come in, Willie.
Willie- Hello!!!
Klogg- what.
Hoborg- The others just couldn't make it.
Klogg- what…

QUOTE

Blood stained lips

Hoborg- It's a love story. Oh, how I love love stories. I once wrote a story about a little boy who had a box where his head should be, and-
Klogg- Fascinating. Um. You might as well know, we have this thing, we count the number of times the story… (hesitates) sounds like…
Hoborg (seems very interested)- Yes? Sounds like what?
Klogg- (sigh) Nevermind.

QUOTE

She lay there, dead. No wait, she can’t be dead… Can she?

Klogg- She cannot! Or can she? (evil) …Perhaps she can.
Hoborg- I might cry.
Klogg- No.

QUOTE

“Helena?” I softly said to her. “Helena?” I repeated. I crouched down beside her and shook her slightly. Her body would shake slightly but she wouldn’t respond. “Helena.” This time I said loudly.

Klogg- Helena-Helena! Helena?! Helena; Helena!!!

QUOTE

“C’mon Helena, stop kidding around.” Her pale face was life-less as it flopped around on her neck

Hoborg- 'flopped around her neck', such a unique description.

QUOTE

as I shook her, her black hair falling across her eyes as I did so.
No, nothing worked. She actually was dead.

Hoborg- I thought we've already established that.

QUOTE

I couldn’t move, this can’t be true. No, it wasn’t true. Helena can’t be dead, she can’t.

Hoborg- I'm confused, why are we doing this again?
Klogg- She couldn't have possibly been going to have had to die! (evil) …Or could she?

QUOTE

The hospital was never a good place to wait in. Especially if you were waiting for someone you love. I just sat there, facing the front, not talking to anyone, trying to calm myself down. It’s okay… Helena will be fine… We can live together again and get married and…

Klogg- What's the name of that river in Egypt?
Willie- Willie happy.
Klogg- No, you're supposed to say-

QUOTE

That was when the doctor came out of the emergency room then walked straight over to me.

Klogg- it's a pun, you're supposed to say 'the Nile'-

QUOTE

“Mr. Way?” He asked me. I nodded.
“I’m sorry to say but I think we’ve lost her.”
“Wh…Why?”
“Overdose of sleeping pills probably.” The doctor said to me in a monotone voice.
“Sorry?”
“S-l-e-e-p-i-n-g p-i-l-l-s.”

Klogg- Pardon? SLEEPING PILLS!!! Excuse me? SLEEPING PILLS!!!

QUOTE

The doctor repeated to me slowly as if I was retarded.

Klogg-'as if'?

QUOTE

“Wait, but, but why?” I stuttered.
“I’m sorry sir, but we really don’t know things like that. She just died of an overdose of sleeping pills, got that?” The doctor was obviously wanting the rest of his day off, not talking to some guy who had just lost his fiancé.
“Y-yes…” I muttered.
“We’re very sorry for your loss.” He nodded, not sounding sorry at all. He left swiftly, checking his watch and muttering something on the lines of ‘retard’.

Hoborg- Oh dear.
Klogg- The Credibility Fairy needs her wand back.

QUOTE

I just sat there for another fifteen minutes, trying to get the fact to sink in.
Helena, my fiancé, was dead.

Klogg- At last, realization!
Willie- Where?

QUOTE

She had an overdose of sleeping pills, probably meaning that she committed suicide. But I still haven’t got why.

Klogg- she didn't want to share your foolish surname.

QUOTE

“Why Helena, why?” I whispered to myself then held my head in my hands.

Klogg- Why, why, why, Delilah?
Hoborg- Why does my heart… go on beating?

QUOTE

I still didn’t get why we didn’t bury our dead. Instead of smart-looking tombstones with letters and flowers, the dead was thrown into the ocean where they could wait to decompose and be eaten by the fish. I didn’t like that; I didn’t like it at all. I wanted Helena to be the same Helena, not a decomposing corpse floating about in the water. I wanted to keep Helena’s body like that forever.

Klogg- Have we said 'decompose' enough times? Decompose.
Hoborg- Decompose.
Willie- Compost.
Willie- (whispers to Hoborg)
Hoborg- what?
…
Hoborg- why didn't you do that before we got here? (sigh. to Klogg) You'll have to excuse us.
(so. Hoborg and Willie go to throne room, and-)

Klogg- bla bla bla baaad things.

QUOTE

I watched solemnly as a pair of dismal-faced men picked up Helena’s body and wrapped her up into a white cloth. That was another stupid thing too, why bother covering up Helena’s face? It was already beautiful…

Klogg- But I thought you didn't want her to decompose, you stupid little man. (to the readers) just us then?

QUOTE

“You ready?” One of the men asked the other in a gruff voice

Klogg- (sings) Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me....

QUOTE

“Yeah, on three. One… Two… Three!” Then she was tossed into the ocean.

Klogg- I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

QUOTE

She floated in the surface for a moment, before slowly sinking down towards the ocean floor.

Klogg- Are you sure you want to go on?
… It's not going to get any better.

QUOTE

There was a dull silence hanging in the air but soon after all the people around me starting filing out the place, talking about their dinner today as if nothing had happened.

Klogg- Why don't we go to Idznak instead?.

QUOTE

I clenched my hand into a fist. I needed her, how am I supposed to live without her?

Klogg- I heard the skullmonkeys are lovely this time of the year.

QUOTE

I couldn’t help it. I ran into the ocean and waded a few steps before diving in completely, looking for Helena’s body.

Klogg- a skullmonkey once bit my sister.

(Hoborg and Willie return)

Klogg- You've missed the best part. It was amazing- passion, danger, witty dialogue, brilliant twist.
Hoborg- What? What happened?
Klogg- I can't tell you now, it's too complicated.
Hoborg- (somewhat crestfallen)
Klogg- (can barely conceal his smugness)

QUOTE

“Helena!” I tried to shout beneath the water but failing, swallowing a whole load of salty water. I choked a few moments but was able to begin searching again.

Hoborg- This saddens me deeply.
Klogg- Yeees.
Hoborg- (pulls out a handkerchief. Realizes he can't wipe his eyes 'cause he doesn't have any)

QUOTE

Swimming around, I tried to catch something, anything, when a grasped hold onto some sort of cloth.

Klogg- what's 'a grasped'?

QUOTE

I grabbed it harder then pulled it close to me. I felt Helena’s body unravel from it,

Willie- Ew.

QUOTE

her hair was flitting about everywhere, her white dress billowing up. My hands were already on her face, pulling her closer to mine. I was about to put my lips against her bloodstained one, when I was sure I felt Helena move and pull me closer by the collar.

Klogg- Attack of the Zombie Bride… coming soon.

QUOTE

“Gerard…” I heard a faint, high voice. I smiled to her, and I was certain that she gave me back one.
“Helena…” I mouthed under the water then kissed the bloodstained lips.

Hoborg- (obviously very moved) That was wonderful. Wonderful.
...
Klogg- (quietly) You'd think that.

(And now it's time for the little me to rudely interrupt, just like fanfic writers always do. You know? That fic wasn't nearly as obscene as I thought it would be.)

Hoborg- (to klogg) fancy a shag?
Klogg- Sure thing.

(That settles it then)
THE END
.
..
Klogg- Or is it? Is it? Perhaps it is.
…
Klogg- Or is it?
...
Klogg- Good night.
...
Klogg- heh heh.

Pyreo - October 31, 2008 10:58 PM (GMT)

.....WHAT. XD

Oh man... you're good. You're really good with Klogg.

QUOTE

Klogg- Fascinating. Um. You might as well know, we have this thing, we count the number of times the story… (hesitates) sounds like…
Hoborg (seems very interested)- Yes? Sounds like what?
Klogg- (sigh) Nevermind.

Made me lol

QUOTE

Klogg-'as if'?

MORE LOL oh klogg you're so insensitive *wipes tear*

QUOTE

Klogg- You've missed the best part. It was amazing- passion, danger, witty dialogue, brilliant twist.
Hoborg- What? What happened?
Klogg- I can't tell you now, it's too complicated.
Hoborg- (somewhat crestfallen)

Ahahaahaa. WE NEED TO DO KLOGG MORE LIKE THIS oh wow

QUOTE

(And now it's time for the little me to rudely interrupt, just like fanfic writers always do. You know? That fic wasn't nearly as obscene as I thought it would be.)

Hoborg- (to klogg) fancy a shag?
Klogg- Sure thing.

...I might need this explained. Not because it's not awesome. Just in the interest of assuring your sanity.

dsfrogs - November 1, 2008 11:23 AM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Oct 31 2008, 10:58 PM)

...I might need this explained. Not because it's not awesome. Just in the interest of assuring your sanity.

Well, I never pretended to be sane. :crown:
I was almost done, and then I thought- hey, not one curse! and you know, how people have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other one (I have Hoborg and Klogg)
Hoborg- you're such a good girl, you didn't curse even once.
Klogg- which is why it will be so shocking when...
(That explanation made me look even more insane)

I'm so glad you liked it!

Klogg practically wrote himself (insaaane...), Hoborg was slightly more difficult, and I'm not too happy about Willie. I don't think I managed to deliver his gorgeousness. Maybe next time.

Kolourful - November 1, 2008 02:07 PM (GMT)

...I know this sounds lame but the fact that you made it funny without swearing made it awesome for me.

Klogg- What's the name of that river in Egypt?
Willie- Willie happy.
Klogg- No, you're supposed to say-

dsfrogs - November 1, 2008 03:03 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 1 2008, 02:07 PM)

...I know this sounds lame but the fact that you made it funny without swearing made it awesome for me.

I thought about it, but Klogg-Hoborg-Willie interaction is different than Klogg-Kleo-Idina. otherwise it would just look like this:

Klogg- *curse*
Hoborg- *offended*
Willie- *drolls*

not so interesting :P

Kolourful - November 1, 2008 03:10 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 1 2008, 10:03 AM)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 1 2008, 02:07 PM)

...I know this sounds lame but the fact that you made it funny without swearing made it awesome for me.

Rofl. The idea is funny though. I'm sure Hoborg would be easily offended.

I am soooooo tempted to make my own version if MST, it's not funny. I don't think I could riff on someone elses fanfic, so maybe I should go find one of my old stories. Or a dumb movie. Or a dumb TV show. Or something.

dsfrogs - November 1, 2008 03:15 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 1 2008, 03:10 PM)

I am soooooo tempted to make my own version

OMG! doit!! doit!! doit!! *jumps up and down*

Pyreo - November 1, 2008 03:19 PM (GMT)

I concur with doit!

If you can't find something you can just join in with ours. Use Kolour for it, or if she's not that snarky, use Hoborg/Ottoborg/take Klogg off Tora for a bit. :P (Kolour's mood swings could make it quite amusing)

Not to say that ours is the only one allowed to exist and you must join it, but hey, you could help us be funny again. XD; We're trying to think of people who are good at certain characters who can come in for guest chapters.

Kolourful - November 1, 2008 04:58 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Nov 1 2008, 10:19 AM)

Me? Join MSTN? I'm flattered, but as I said, I'm just not comfortable with riffing on other's fics. But I would be honored if Klogg and Kleo would like to join me in "critiquing" some of my old stories. (you just KNOW that Kolour would be a real killjoy though...atleast in her "normal mode")

Although, I never wrote much because I was afraid that it would come out stupid. Like this Kim Possible fic, it kinda makes fun of itself. I can't think of anything bad to say about it that wouldn't be painfully obvious.

Wade: I've found a robbery instance in Hawaii. It seems that Drakken has stolen a reasonably untested, Solar Molecular Visible Light Shattering Ray, or S.M.V.L.S.R. for short.
Ron: Um, what exactly does SMIVELSUR mean?
Wade: It's an invisibility ray.
Ron: Oh, I knew that!*crosses arms*
Kim: What do you mean by "reasonably untested"? How many times has it been tested anyway?
Wade: Once.
Kim: Riii-iiiiight.

I don't know whether to think it's good for a twelve year old(13?), or terrible.

But I'd seriously love a chance to get Kolour to interact with Klogg and Kleo. And maybe Ottoborg. He'd probably scare her.

I ramble.

Pyreo - November 1, 2008 05:31 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 1 2008, 04:58 PM)

But I'd seriously love a chance to get Kolour to interact with Klogg and Kleo. And maybe Ottoborg. He'd probably scare her.

Get MSN, that's all you need. ;P

...Err. And. To tell someone what your screenname is. But then we'll be in business.

We can always do one of your own fics (Or Tora's? xD Is it better if you actually have permission?) Or we could just, y'know, randomly RP like we do nearly every day. :l

Kolourful - November 1, 2008 05:43 PM (GMT)

My MSN is whylime_us@yahoo.com (I don't worry too much about putting that out there, it's like, my public account that I don't care about people knowing of...)

EDIT: I just got a friend request, and I'm PRETTY sure I clicked accept, but I'm not sure. xD If I just blocked someone out, sorry.

Rosseta - November 1, 2008 05:57 PM (GMT)

(To the original topic) I like how you did Hoborg. It's gentle, yet witty.

dsfrogs - November 1, 2008 10:47 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Rosseta @ Nov 1 2008, 05:57 PM)

(To the original topic) I like how you did Hoborg. It's gentle, yet witty.

aww.. thank you. me loves Hoborg.

Kolourful - November 1, 2008 10:54 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Rosseta @ Nov 1 2008, 12:57 PM)

(To the original topic) I like how you did Hoborg. It's gentle, yet witty.

I agree. 8D

Taklay - November 2, 2008 01:08 AM (GMT)

I liked Hoborg. XD And Klogg.

What story was that supposed to be, anyway? I mean, some questions are best left unanswered, but I'm curious anyway.

dsfrogs - November 2, 2008 08:37 AM (GMT)

QUOTE (Taklay @ Nov 2 2008, 01:08 AM)

What story was that supposed to be, anyway? I mean, some questions are best left unanswered, but I'm curious anyway.

I don't know... 0_o I've lost the author's name and wasn't able to find that story again in DA. Maybe it's better for everybody if that remained a mistery.

and... 'nk you. :aww:

Clio - November 2, 2008 11:25 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 1 2008, 11:23 AM)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Oct 31 2008, 10:58 PM)

...I might need this explained. Not because it's not awesome. Just in the interest of assuring your sanity.

Well, I never pretended to be sane. :crown:

I dont think anyone on the forum is sane Pyreo... :aww:

dsfrogs - November 5, 2008 06:42 PM (GMT)

Oh dear. The story I MSTed to wasn't the right amount of badness. I'm not sure if it was too bad or not bad enough, but it made me more angry than amused, and I think as a result this MST is less funny then the first one. I don't know if I want go on with it, but anyway, I'd love some feedback.

(standing outside the entrance)
Klogg- Hello, and welcome to another hour of misery. (to Hoborg) after you.
Hoborg- (from inside) It appears that someone put a bucket of slime above the door. It could have… accidentally fallen on someone.
Klogg- That would have been unpleasant.
(Willie enters)
Klogg- (whispers) Damn!

QUOTE

The fool's errand * \ Rynnay

Klogg- Starring Willie Trombone.
Hoborg- I think someone needs to apologize.
Klogg- I will not!
Hoborg- Don't make me get up.
Klogg- (sulkily) 'msorry…
Willie-(thinks about it) Willie forgive.

QUOTE

I have a confession to make.
I’m no fool.
Surprised?

Klogg- Hardly.

QUOTE

I am too, sometimes, but I try to hide it behind a smile when I can. I find I tend to hide a lot of things behind a smile.

Willie- then you need big smile!

QUOTE

I have a lot of practice smiling when I’m suspicious, angry, or plotting something.

Klogg- Hmm.

QUOTE

Not only does plastering a little smile on my face help calm me down, but it puts out in the open the illusion that I’m fine—or that I’m a fool.
I’m no fool. You will learn that when you find a knife in your back, and then you won’t have to wonder why I’m smiling anymore.

Hoborg- (looking at Klogg)
Klogg- What?

QUOTE

No. Quite the contrary, I understand situations far better than you think I do, and if I don’t, I come close to losing it until I do understand. I hate not understanding. If I don’t understand something, I just want to wrap my hands around some breathing creature’s throat and just squeeze it really hard, and shake, and shake, and shake it until all the facts and trivia about the situation I’m pissed off about… fall out.

Hoborg- (shocked)
Klogg- He started with this whole, 'I'm evil' thing, but now he sounds like a child agonizing over his geometry homework.

QUOTE

Don’t leave me lingering on half facts and maybes and myths and secrets, and don’t dance around the topic and wonder, “hmm, how is the best way to put this…” no. Don’t do that, just say it. Say it, say it, say it,

Klogg- (sings) Say, say, say what you want…

QUOTE

you sorry civilized, long-winded cretin, stop playing with words and stop trying to pretend like you know everything when you don’t. If you don’t know, just say you don’t know so I can go find somebody who does! If you do know, then hurry up and tell me, this is important!

Hoborg- Slight tendency to repetition.

QUOTE

What’s going on? Who started it? What needs to be done? How can I fix this? Hurry up, explain!

Willie- Willie know!
Klogg- No, you bloody don't.

QUOTE

Why is his face contorted in pain? Why is he on his back and rolling around in agony?

Klogg- He just read your story.

QUOTE

Is this your fault?

Willie- no!

QUOTE

What did you do?

Willie- nothing!

QUOTE

What did you not do?

Willie- thing!

QUOTE

No, don’t tell me who’s fault it is.

Willie- but… you… ask…
Klogg- Shoot me, please.
Hoborg- It won't kill you.

QUOTE

Just tell me how to fix it so I can do something!

Hoborg- Maybe he's a paramedic.

QUOTE

I’m running. That’s what I’m doing. I’m running. I’m running, and it’s raining. I’m running, it’s raining,

Klogg- So you're running, yes? What was the weather again?

QUOTE

and the wind is making it rain sideways. But does that matter?

Willie- no.
Hoborg- He's not asking us, Willie. It's a rhetorical question. You're not supposed to answer it.

QUOTE

No.

Hoborg- Um.

QUOTE

That’s just part of the situation, I’m just trying to paint a picture for you. That’s the situation: I’m running, I’m not happy, it’s raining,

Klogg- Oh, is it?

QUOTE

it’s windy, and it’s cold. Can’t forget that detail. Why is it always cold? I can’t feel my face. Everything is cold.

Klogg- So it was… warm, right?
Hoborg- Please stop it.

QUOTE

No, never mind. Keep running. Am I almost there? How far is it? Hurry up! Move those legs!
Do I understand why I’m running? Yes, I do.

Klogg- I hate it when people ask questions and then answer themselves.
Hoborg- But…
Klogg- What are you trying to say?
Hoborg- Nothing…

QUOTE

I’m running because I have to be somewhere. Why does anyone run?

Klogg- (Sarcastic) Oh, I don't know, why?

QUOTE

They have to be somewhere. Stop asking questions! I don’t have time to answer them.

Wllie- Oh, there be two of them. Explain everything.

QUOTE

Move.
Move, move, move. Why aren’t you moving?
Why won’t you get up? Get up!

Klogg- Stand up.
Hoborg- Stand up for your rights.

QUOTE

You never stay down. You will get up. If this doesn’t get you up, I’ll… I’ll kick your face in. Yeah. I’ll kick your ******* face in. And when I do that, you’ll get so pissed off you’ll need to get up to chase me down so you can punch my face in, and by then everything will be fine because you’ll be up and moving again.

Hoborg- That's a very complicated way of making someone get up.
Klogg- Shoot me again, I ain't dead yet.

QUOTE

“Stop!” the gatekeeper shouts at me. I flip him the middle finger as I sprint past him and roar that I don’t have time to stop, making eye contact with him as I go for only the briefest second. He doesn’t object.

Klogg- My, what a marvelous security they've got there.

QUOTE

You don’t stop a man in a hurry in a thunderstorm in the middle of the night. If he’s running in a thunderstorm, god damn it, he’s got a situation that he’s understanding and he’s got someplace to be so leave him the **** alone!

Klogg- What was that?
Hoborg- What was what?
Klogg- Those smudges!
Hoborg- I wouldn't know. Why should I know? I don't know.

QUOTE

I’m practically drowning trying to run through all the rain. I could practically swim in this rain,

Klogg- We regressed to rain again.
Willie- What happen to other man?

QUOTE

it’s like I could divide it with my hands, and I wish I could, but I know when I try to shove the rain aside, more of it will just take it’s place and where the hell is the building I’m looking for! I’ve been to this town before, I should know where it is! Where is it? Where is it, where is it, where is it? Where is everyone? Why—

Hoborg- Just calm down. You're angry, you're confused-

QUOTE

I slip and almost go to my face, but my legs immediately pump harder to keep me up, my arms flying for the briefest moment before I slide again on the mud, but this time I’m skidding to a stop so I can turn down the next street. It should be near the business district, which is that way, you imbecile! Turn around! Turn around!

Willie- He yell at other man again, right?
Hoborg- No, that's… (sigh) Yes.

QUOTE

I slip again as I spin on my heel and this time my heart leaps into my throat when I actually make it to the ground this time. I scramble to my feet and spit out a mouthful of mud and water.

Klogg- Serves you right, mister RUNNING when it's RAINING.

QUOTE

My heart is racing, thudding, drumming, beating, screaming—no, those are my lungs screaming.

Willie- no, heart in throat, heart is screaming. not lungs.

QUOTE

How long have I been running? How far have I gone? Miles? How far were we?
My throat is raw. Everything is spinning. I still need enough stamina to make it back. I need to make it back. I should go back—no wait! I haven’t found what I came for yet, stupid! Stupid, stupid—

Klogg- Say no more.

QUOTE

There! There it is!
SLAM.
“Arrows!” I practically scream, but my voice is practically a whisper. I try again. “Arrows! Arrows. Need… you!

Klogg- What the…
Hoborg- 'Arrows' is a person.
Klogg- Oh.
…
Klogg- I knew that.

QUOTE

You there! Come, come, come—stand up!”

Klogg- Erm… don't give up your fight?

QUOTE

When the people standing in the lobby still look at me like I’ve gone insane, I bolt forward and grab the nearest medicler by the wrist. “Arrows. I need a medicler. Stop standing around. Come with me.”

Klogg- what's a medicler?
Hoborg- That I do not know.

QUOTE

“Sir, you’re bleeding, you should let us—!”

Klogg- Put you out of your misery.
Hoborg- That's a bit harsh.
Klogg- Yes, it is a bit harsh. It really is, but that's just because I'm Klogg, and Klogg is evil.
Hoborg and Willie- (???)

QUOTE

“—No-no-no-no,” I babble senselessly, cutting them off and throwing them aside with my free hand when they try to surround me as I jerk the first woman along toward the door. She starts to object, pushing away from me and indignantly squawks with a mixture of fear and confusion when I pull turn and drape her over my back like a bag, holding her wrists in front of me and bolting for the door.

Klogg- Evil. Evil. Evil. Evil-evil-evil!
Hoborg- (gets up and leaves)
Klogg- Ah ha ha ha! Laugh with me, Laugh with me!
Willie- (blinks)
Hoborg- (comes back with a bucket of water, which he pours on Klogg)
Klogg- (breaths)
…
Klogg- Thank you, I needed that.
Hoborg- Are you all right? You said 'thank you' in a non- sarcastic way.
Klogg- …No, I am not all right. I think I saw the word 'raining' in the next paragraph.
Hoborg- well. Lets see. (to readers) I'm terribly sorry, but we'll have to stop here. It was getting rather interesting, I know, with this guy kidnapping that girl…
Klogg- huh!
Hoborg- Still, the time has come for our departure. So until next time, good night to all of you.

Willie- Willie like story!
Klogg- (Growls)

To be continued…
(If you dare)

Pyreo - November 5, 2008 07:00 PM (GMT)

WAAHA. XD I thought it was good! I just love reading your characterisation. They manage to balance it fairly well, with Willie getting confused to point out where the writing's too vague and Klogg kinda losing it and ending up as the only sane one.

QUOTE

Willie- no!

QUOTE

What did you do?

Willie- nothing!

QUOTE

What did you not do?

Willie- thing!

That especially. XD Aww. And I don't often 'aw' for Willie.

Kwoggy needs somebody to cry to before he snaps. 8<

Kolourful - November 5, 2008 10:33 PM (GMT)

Ahh, that made me laugh. Klogg, Hoborg, and Willie make a great "team."

dsfrogs - November 6, 2008 05:32 PM (GMT)

Thank you... ^=^ By the way, don't be afraid to say anything "bad", constructive criticism is fine...

QUOTE

XD Aww. And I don't often 'aw' for Willie.

My goal in life is to make more people 'aw' for Willie.

You realise that "Klogg losing it" was just a disguise for myself losing it, right? :-P

And Willie is a cool character, but people often don't notice it, because Klogg's loveliness is too great to notice anything else.

dsfrogs - November 11, 2008 02:30 PM (GMT)

and another one...

QUOTE

The fool's errand * \ Rynnay- bit number 2

Hoborg- Um. Is this thing on? All right.
So, here's the summary. That's the protagonist, he's upset and angry and he's-
Klogg- (growls)
Hoborg- moving very quickly from one point to the other, while the weather is not sunny.
He finds a girl, and kidnaps her.
Klogg- Welcome to another hour of defiling horror.
Hoborg- I would like to add my own individual welcome, separate from my colleague's welcome which is a bit harsh-
Klogg- get on with it.
Hoborg- My welcome's really just 'welcome'.
Klogg- oh, brother.
Willie- Hello!!!
Hoborg- so you have the choice between, 'welcome to another hour of defiling horror', 'Hello', and 'Welcome'.
Klogg- He's like that all the time. all the time!

QUOTE

Willie- That where we-
Klogg- stopped to have a picnic last time, yes.

QUOTE

I stop and look around. “Where are your bags—your, your

Klogg- your make up kit?

QUOTE

medical bags? This?”
“Y-yes, but—!”
“Okay!” I grab it and leave. She screams in my ear, so I shake her by the wrist and calm her down. “I can run really fast, it’s okay! It’s okay, lady, it’s okay. Just hold on, I won’t jar you too much, okay? Just don’t scream! It’s okay. It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.” And I turn my head over my shoulder and smile at her.

Klogg- psycho.

QUOTE

My hair is plastered in my face and water is dripping off every place imaginable and others you probably couldn’t think of if you weren’t running in a thunderstorm.
There’s a crack of thunder, and the woman on my back tenses her arms, still trying to object, so I skid to a stop with a frustrated, furious cry, and let her go. “What’s wrong? Are you cold? Are you we—you’re wet, I’m sorry, I should have let you get your coat. If I give you mine will you stop resisting and please come?” She starts to open her mouth but damn it, no time. “Here, here,” I stop her and pull my coat off and throw it at her. “It’s too big, but I’m sorry, just put it on.”

Klogg- that was one, two, three, four, five, six-
Hoborg- what are you doing?
Klogg- Counting the… right, I forgot.
Willie- Willie can go all the way up to fourteen!

QUOTE

She hastens to put her arms through the sleeves and button up the front,

Klogg- WHAT! …oh, he gave her his coat, right (embarrassed)
Hoborg- Try to pay attention.

QUOTE

but I grab her wrists, “Good enough come on!” and direct her to hold onto her bag and climb on my back again.

Hoborg- Hmm, why is he caring her? She can walk, can't she?
Klogg- Yes, but he's about to RUN. And no one can run faster than… hey, that's Arven!
Willie- Where?

QUOTE

I’m running again before she’s completely settled, and when she finally gets a good grip around my neck, I fumble to hold onto her legs instead to support her better—nearly trip and fall again (don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall again, not acceptable, that’s not acceptable. Stay on your feet),

Willie- Hang on!

QUOTE

but I stay up, locking my hands around the medicler’s legs around my waist as I go.
“Hold on tightly please ma’am,” I tell her, and then I decide I need to go faster.
Faster. Faster. Faster. You have some extra baggage now. That’s okay. Your legs can make it. It’s not far. Is the rain getting harder? Why does it always rain more when you don’t want it to? Why does it always rain at all right when you least want it to? Stop raining. Stop raining on me!

Hoborg-…
Klogg- I'm fine, I'm all right.

QUOTE

I nearly jump a mile out of my boots when the small woman awkwardly puts the palm side of her wrist on my forehead. I keep running. She touches the side of my cheek with a warm hand, but there’s no romance in it (stop thinking things like that you single-minded bastards, there’s more important things to worry about than that!).

Klogg- He knows!

QUOTE

After a second she wraps her hand back around my neck to hold on better.
“You’re shivering,” she says in my ear. “You’ve lost too much blood, you need to go back so I can—,”
“—We’re almost there!” I snap. “Almost there! Sorry this is taking so long, I know you have other patients—patients with money, that’s okay, I can pay you somehow, okay? Okay? We’re almost there. Hold on tight, okay? Are you warm?”
“It’s not cold outside!”
“It’s not? I’m freezing my ass off!”
“Because you’re—,”

Hoborg- (Hmm, that's strange. I must admit I feel empathy. Yes, he did say "okay" for about a million times, and yet I'm beginning to care about him and not want anything bad to happen to him. Maybe the story is getting better. I won't say anything aloud, though. Klogg will just mock me.)
Klogg- (I wonder if he understands what I was thinking about during that whole 'buttons' scene. He wouldn't know, would he? Damn it, he knows! Will he continue to fake polite misunderstanding to torment me forever??? No, surely he doesn't know… but... I'm not paying attention. Why am I not paying attention?)
Willie- (An elliptic curve over Q is said to be modular if it has a finite covering by a modular curve of the form X(N). ) Samiches!
(I'm dumb, don't look at me) *whistles innocently *

QUOTE

“Hold on!” I realize we’ve entered the woods and there’s a steep, steep decline in the terrain, and I know it’s going to be muddy and slippery, so I stop my legs completely and just slide—slide, slide, slide, stay on your feet, goddamn it! Don’t fall!

Klogg- fall, oh, please, fall, p-lease oh please please please
Hoborg- Hey. Cut it out.

QUOTE

If you fall now you have someone else on your back and they’ll get hurt too.

Klogg- She'll be squashed like a pumpkin!

QUOTE

If you’re going to get hurt, don’t let anyone else get hurt too. If you’re going to get hurt, make sure you’re the only one. The fewer the injuries the better. No casualties. No casualties.

Klogg- I don't know if you've noticed, but I made a little pun.
Hoborg- we've noticed.
Willie- Ha ha.

QUOTE

I stumble when I hit the bottom of the slope much harder than I predicted, and I can feel the impact snap up through my legs and I cringe and hiss out a swear but continue on through the trees.

Klogg- Suffer!
Wllie- Klogg scare me.
Klogg- "Klogg: terrorizing people since 1996".

QUOTE

The rain is hissing in my ears, snickering at my misfortune and those who have been brought down with me, including this poor woman whom I’ve kidnapped.
Don’t listen to it, I sneer, it’s just rain, and rain can’t bring you down. You can’t even bring you down!

Klogg- (stands up and points at the screen) I abominate you, you wicked corrupted weasel! You bucket of slime! You ooze, you despicable maggot! You're fouler than the floor after a get-drunk-party when nobody stays to clean up! I loathe you, with every inch of my teeth, I-
Hoborg- and that's it.
Klogg- what?
Hoborg- That's the end of today's bit.
Klogg- But I was… having fun.
Hoborg- Well, I…
Klogg- and you know what happens when we finish early.
Willie- What?
Hoborg- You just had to ask.
Willie- yeah, 'cause readers not know.
Klogg- (cough) I shall recite some of my poems.
Hoborg and Willie- No, please, no!!!

To be continued…
(If we'll bloody feel like it, OKAY?? I mean, sheesh, I mean COME ON!)
Hoborg- Hey. Cut it out.
('msorry)

Pyreo - November 11, 2008 02:48 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 11 2008, 02:30 PM)

Klogg- (I wonder if he understands what I was thinking about during that whole 'buttons' scene. He wouldn't know, would he? Damn it, he knows! Will he continue to fake polite misunderstanding to torment me forever??? No, surely he doesn't know… but... I'm not paying attention. Why am I not paying attention?)
Willie- (An elliptic curve over Q is said to be modular if it has a finite covering by a modular curve of the form X(N). ) Samiches!

A++ will lol again

NEED MOAR :'D

You're managing to make this strange and incoherent writing a million times better. Makes me feel like with the stinkbomb that is Faithful Hearts we really ought to be able to do better mocking it....

dsfrogs - November 11, 2008 06:55 PM (GMT)

Thank you, we aim to please. :wilwub:

QUOTE

You're managing to make this strange and incoherent writing a million times better.

I sort of have this strange urge to defend that story. I mean, hey, I'm cutting it to bits whenever I feel like taking a break, I interrupt sentences for my jokes, so no wonder it seems incoherent. Not that I think it's some great work of art, just that it not THAT bad. Goodness, I've gone peculiar.

Kolourful - November 11, 2008 07:01 PM (GMT)

I love it so much. :wilhappy: I'd pick our a few funny parts but then I'd have a really loooong post because it's all good.

dsfrogs - November 11, 2008 10:02 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 11 2008, 07:01 PM)

I love it so much. :wilhappy: I'd pick our a few funny parts but then I'd have a really loooong post because it's all good.

A compliment from you is a compliment. pfff!

Thankyouthankyou! *Glee*

(OK, I'll stop being silly now)

Taklay - November 11, 2008 10:08 PM (GMT)

I don't have a lot of patience/time to read the whole thing right now (normally I would). :willie: But... the story, the way she writes it, I can barely bother to read it when it's one big paragraph, let alone when it's cut apart mid-sentence (because then I can't re-read as easily and try to make sense of it). XD I'm not saying you shouldn't, it makes sense that you do.

I think Rynnay would be a much better author if she didn't write in first person through Cryus's jumbled explanations. I do enjoy her writing, I do... and sometimes writing in first person works fine, but JEEZ, not so much a whole story. If you're gonna write in first person, you have to leave some mystery and distortion toward the character's bias and state of mind and what he should actually know and not know. And sometimes she does... but reading Cyrus repeat himself over and over again while still being the biggest smartass (and smartypants) in the world doesn't come off as interesting most of the time. Sometimes having to read paragraphs three or four times to try to understand what just happened doesn't make for a good story, really. =(

But that's me picking her writing apart. I usually read most of it when she posts and enjoy it.

And your Klogg-Hoborg-Willie comments are cute and amusing. :aww:

Kolourful - November 11, 2008 10:28 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 11 2008, 05:02 PM)

QUOTE (Kolourful @ Nov 11 2008, 07:01 PM)

I love it so much. :wilhappy: I'd pick our a few funny parts but then I'd have a really loooong post because it's all good.

A compliment from you is a compliment. pfff!

Thankyouthankyou! *Glee*

(OK, I'll stop being silly now)

from me?...comments like that blow my mind, seriously, because I'm always trying to just keep from being annoying. :ohdear: I never expect for people to talk about me like I'm "cool." Honestly, stuff like that means a lot. *hug*

I'm looking forward to the next one, by the way. I like how you do Willie, and he can be hard to get right.

dsfrogs - November 12, 2008 04:58 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Taklay @ Nov 11 2008, 10:08 PM)

I think Rynnay would be a much better author if she didn't write in first person through Cryus's jumbled explanations.

We-ell, I thought about it, and a human mind CAN be a roller coaster of neurotic little worries. It's okay to write like that sometimes, but not all the time. And the first person just makes it worst.

QUOTE

But... the story, the way she writes it, I can barely bother to read it when it's one big paragraph, let alone when it's cut apart mid-sentence (because then I can't re-read as easily and try to make sense of it). XD I'm not saying you shouldn't, it makes sense that you do.

Actually, for me it was easier to cut it into little bits. The thought of reading the whole thing without stopping drives me to despair. :whut:
Maybe I should try not to interrupt mid-sentence so often.

And Kolour, if you don't stop being so nice, I might cry, and that will ruin the tough image that's taken me years to creat.

Trelela - November 12, 2008 06:03 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 12 2008, 05:58 PM)

QUOTE (Taklay @ Nov 11 2008, 10:08 PM)

I think Rynnay would be a much better author if she didn't write in first person through Cryus's jumbled explanations.

QUOTE

I find it interesting when people write someone's thought's like that (because our thoughts are crazy to follow), but not when there is too much of it. i think it would be better if it was from the 3rd person and that guy's thinking was just popping from time to time.

Kolourful - November 13, 2008 12:47 AM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 12 2008, 11:58 AM)

And Kolour, if you don't stop being so nice, I might cry, and that will ruin the tough image that's taken me years to creat.

I can't help it! :gonk:

Taklay - November 13, 2008 07:48 AM (GMT)

I think what mostly bothers me is that it's like he's telling his own story RIGHT AS ACTION HAPPENS which makes everything really jumbled and confusing. I'd think that if you have time to sit back and retell your own story that you'd have time to find a better way to describe the events. Though action scenes are hard to write, anyway.

QUOTE (Trelela @ Nov 12 2008, 11:03 AM)

Exactly, that's what I'd wanted to say, but it didn't really come out right because I couldn't think of a situation where both POVs would be used in a proper story. XD But then, I don't really like when stories jump POVs, either... It has to be pulled off a certain way, y'know? Otherwise, if there's no explanation for it, it's like... okay, who's telling the story, you, or the Mysterious, All-Knowing Voice?

dsfrogs - November 17, 2008 08:22 PM (GMT)

QUOTE

The fool's errand/ *Rynnay- bit number 3

Klogg- Hiii! *hik!* Welcome to… 'Klogg and friends'
Hoborg- You just called us 'friends'?
Willie- Everybody friend!
Klogg- I was at a party, you know!
Hoborg- A very good party, apparently.

QUOTE

“Sir, what’s your name? Sir?” the woman asks in my ear again, holding on with a firm, confident grip. .

Klogg- Yeah, I wanna know what to write on your tombstone.

QUOTE

“Uh, uh,” I was completely deaf to her question. Where did I leave them? Oh god, did they try to follow me? Are they lost? Where’s Kaiya? Oh shit, what if she tried to follow me? Now she’s lost, what if she’s attacked by— “What? What did you say?”

Hoborg- More questions.
Klogg- so.. what did you do today, Hobi?
Hoborg- I… created some plants. I sang songs for Quater-
Klogg- fascinating. Pffff!

QUOTE

“Your name!”
“Nale and Ethan! They’re just ahead, I’m sorry to take you out into this!”
“No, what is your name, sir!”
“Four! There are four of us!”
Her grip tightens slightly and I’m not sure why

Klogg- She's gonna kiss you, kiss-kiss-kiss-
Wllie- Willie scared again.
Klogg- Klogg: kissing people since… no, let me think about it.

QUOTE

—wait! I recognize that boulder. I’m almost th—
--There they are! Elysia’s Grace, they stayed where I told them to stay!

Klogg- remarkable. Pffff!

QUOTE

I can see Kaiya first, her eyes move to find my face, and then immediately Ethan, supported in her lap and holding his side, the shaft of an arrow sprouting from between his bloody fingers. He’s in pain. He can’t move even though he wants to.

Klogg- (opens mouth)
Hoborg- Surely, you can't sneer at people when they're in pain.
Klogg- I can. Sneer, sneer.

QUOTE

Nale is further away, bound to the ground by stone restraints from Kaiya’s earth shifting as he bellows in pain and delusional fury.

Klogg- Kaiya, Ethen, Nale… (counts) three!
Hoborg- and the main character.
Klogg- Oh.
Hoborg- Why are you here? You can't even concentrate.
Klogg- can too.
Hoborg- you're completely-
Klogg- Charming? Yeah, I know.

QUOTE

How far did his curse spread while I was gone? Did Ethan do anything else? Why did Ethan’s seal break? Why then?

Hoborg- I hope the other woman is taking care of those poor guys.
Klogg- I hope she kills them.

QUOTE

I start to feel gravity laugh in my face and pull at my chest as the woman lets go of my neck and slides off my back just before I go to the ground. She runs ahead, and I can hear another woman’s voice say, “Oh my gods!” and she sounds so pained—why? Oh god, why does she sound like she’s in pain? She didn’t get hurt! I swear to all four gods, if someone hurt her while I was gone, I’ll…

Hoborg- What about the other guys?
Klogg- If they're not the main character, they can drop dead.

QUOTE

“Cyrus. Cyrus, can you hear me?”

Klogg- The bastard's name is Cyrus. Goodie!

QUOTE

I want to open my eyes, but if I do, the water will get in my eyes, so I just keep them shut and wince. My hands go to my side instinctively when the pain makes itself known again, and as I’m rolled to my back and sat up, I start to sputter and spit up copper-tasting rain.

Klogg- Ha! They've got some vicious air pollution going on.
Hoborg- It's not. Really. Rain, Klogg.

QUOTE

Doesn’t rain taste like water? Why does this taste like copper?

Willie- Perhaps… it's not… rain…
Hoborg- Very good, Willie.

QUOTE

A pair of small, warm hands are cradling my head, and I can’t help but breathe so heavily as if that would get any more air in my burning lungs. They’re burning and laboring and screaming, and my heart is still racing, thudding, drumming, beating…
Beating…
Drumming…
Thudding…
Racing…
Racing toward…

Klogg- Wanting. Waiting. Needing. For you… to justify my love!
Hoborg- Oh, Quater.

QUOTE

The rain isn’t hitting my face anymore, and I can feel trickles of water just hitting my face. When I try to open my eyes, my vision is too blurred, but I can see Kaiya’s round, young face hovering over mine while she supports my head in her lap. Streams of water are running from her white, white hair framing her face, and from the tip of her nose and the end of her chin.

Willie- Is called 'crying'.
Hoborg- Well done, Willie.

QUOTE

She’s saying something, but I can’t hear her. All I can focus on is how upset she looks. Did I do something wrong? Did she get hurt?
“Are you hurt?” I think to ask, confused. My voice sounds odd to me.
She grips my face (it hurts, why does my face hurt so bad?), furrows her brows deeper, and bites her lip so hard I think she’s trying to draw blood from herself. That’s absurd, why would she do that?

Klogg- I think I'm gonna throw up.
Hoborg- It's not that bad.
Klogg- No, seriously, where's the bathroom?

QUOTE

“Hey,” I tell her. “Hey, stop it. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Split lips hurt. And what a shame it would be if her lips were…
“Shush,” she rocks my head very slightly. “Shush, shush. Slow down. You’re going to be okay.”
Okay? Okay… okay. They’ll be okay. She’ll be okay. Will she be okay?

Willie- I love, he she it loves.
Hoborg- Willie, you know grammar!
Klogg's voice from some distant place- Baaah…

QUOTE

“Will you be okay?”
“I’m not hurt,” she replies—it’s a lie. She’s scratched and bruised up. She looks cold. “It’s you that you should be worrying about…” her eyes shift away from mine for an instant—hey, come back, don’t look away—what are you looking at? Look at me.
“Cyrus, look at me. Can you hear me?”
I can’t decipher her words anymore. Everything is slow now. Slow and easy.
See, that wasn’t so hard. I knew I could do it. I understood the situation, and what I needed to do, and I did it.
I’m no fool.
I can’t hear anything anymore. Not the rain, not Kaiya’s voice, or Nale’s pained yelling.

Hoborg- Can't anybody do something about that already?

QUOTE

Soon the black spot obscuring Kaiya’s face gets bigger and bigger before it’s consumed my entire vision, and I can’t see anything until finally the only thing that exists is her voice.
“Cyrus…? Cyrus!”

(Klogg comes back)
Klogg- Hey…
(sits)
Hoborg- It's over.
Klogg- Is it?
Hoborg- What kind of party was it anyway?
Klogg- You don't remember! (offended)
Hoborg- (snaps fingers) I'm so sorry!
Willie- Happi Birfday, Klogg!
Hoborg- How come you didn't invite us?
Klogg- I only invite to my parties people I don't utterly hate and disdain. Which is why I was the only one there. (pause) I feel so lonely. (sniff, sniff) It ain't easy, being me.
(Hoborg puts his hand on Klogg's shoulder)
Hoborg- Listen,
Klogg- He bought it! Ah ha ha ha!
Hoborg- (cross) All right, Klogg. Goodbye.
Klogg- 'oh, I'm so miserable'!

To be continued *hik!*

Klogg- Pffff!
…
Klogg- Where's everyone?

Pyreo - November 17, 2008 08:27 PM (GMT)

Aaaawwwwwww! D:

...Yeah that's all. No wait. He had a birthday party for himself and got drunk? No wonder. That is completely and totally sadder than ANYTHING I've ever made him do.

Love it. PLEASE MORE.

dsfrogs - November 17, 2008 08:33 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Nov 17 2008, 08:27 PM)

DAMN, you're fast.

Klogg- Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Klogg, happy birthday to me...

I ignored the fact that it's also Klaymen's birthday.

Pyreo - November 17, 2008 08:36 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 17 2008, 08:33 PM)

Klogg- Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Klogg, happy birthday to me...

FFFffff! D: Stoppit! Aw man.

(Actually I think we DID make him that sad in an RP once. A few other Hoodians overpowered him and beat him up, and stole his skirt. He walked home limping and cold, and then sang happy birthday to himself.

We are seriously mean.

dsfrogs - November 17, 2008 08:38 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Nov 17 2008, 08:36 PM)

(Actually I think we DID make him that sad in an RP once. A few other Hoodians overpowered him and beat him up, and stole his skirt. He walked home limping and cold, and then sang happy birthday to himself.

We are seriously mean.

what- what- really? That really IS sad.

Trelela - November 17, 2008 09:13 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Nov 17 2008, 09:36 PM)

QUOTE (dsfrogs @ Nov 17 2008, 08:33 PM)

Klogg- Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Klogg, happy birthday to me...

Should I remember that one?
Cus I don't XD But it's cruel and awesome :D

Anyway, I love it :D
I kinda hope that someone will make a MST of my fiction that I'm writing right now :D (I want to know is it crap. yet people say that I have some nice ideas but you never know unless someone reviews it)

Taklay - November 17, 2008 09:16 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Pyreo @ Nov 17 2008, 01:36 PM)

Actually I think we DID make him that sad in an RP once. A few other Hoodians overpowered him and beat him up, and stole his skirt. He walked home limping and cold, and then sang happy birthday to himself.

I bet he deserved it.

I like how even Willie is picking up on the grammar, though I wouldn't think his attention span would be keeping on track so much, haha. And Hoborg cares about everybody in an oddly passive kind of way.

dsfrogs - November 17, 2008 09:20 PM (GMT)

QUOTE (Trelela @ Nov 17 2008, 09:13 PM)

I kinda hope that someone will make a MST of my fiction that I'm writing right now :D (I want to know is it crap. yet people say that I have some nice ideas but you never know unless someone reviews it)

MST is not a review, you can mock anything. Especially if you're Klogg. Don't take someone's ability to make an MST as a proof that the story is bad. Constructive criticism is a completely different thing.

View Full Version: my MST