Breathing water, Sequel to All for you. Read that first

[Angel]

Title: Breathing water
Chapter: 1/10
Status: ongoing
Author: Angel
Genre: Angst
Band: Dir en grey,
Pairing(s): Daishin, Kao x Totchi
Rating: NC 17
Warning: none?
Disclaimer: Don't own them
Comments: Finally, I started the sequel to “All for you” However, I feel this is gonna go in a completely different direction than I originally intended. When I originally began to plan out this story, I had the idea that the guys would be taken and put on a remote island (As a revenge for killing one of the Yakuza) where they’d have to fight for survival against an army of soldiers. (Battle Royale influence). However, as it went along, the ideas got sillier and sillier, and ended up with Toshiya and Kaoru being caught by cannibals and Kyo having to rescue them as Die and Shin were caught up fighting some kinda hybrid beast thing that had gotten loose from a research lab o.o;;; So yeah.. I think now, it’s gonna have more of a psychological influence. Unless you guys want the remote island storyline. Let me know. Either way, it won’t change this first chapter ^^

~~~

Doctors and nurses crowded around the still body. Saving it. Fixing it. No sign of life except the steady beat of the life support machine. Artificial life. His lungs weren’t yet strong enough to move on their own. To pump the much needed air through his body via his blood. The blood he’d lost so much of. However, he was alive. Just.

Miraculously, the gun shot had missed all his vital organs, just in inch across to his right and it would have gone through his liver. His intestines had been stitched up to fix the hole, and soon they would be working normally again. The wound on his stomach had been stitched up, and the bullet removed. There was no exit wound. Exit wounds were always worse than entry wounds. If the bullet had gone straight through him, he’d no doubt be dead.

In fact. He should be dead. He had been dead when the ambulance reached him, his boyfriend crying hysterically over his limp body, covered in his blood. His band mates and friends clinging to each other crying silently as they watched the scene. His heart hadn’t been pumping. There’d been no pulse. Scientifically… he was dead. They’d even pronounced him dead at the scene. His lips were blue, eyes lifeless.

But then, in the ambulance on the way to the hospital to rest his still warm body in morgue, he had suddenly sat up straight and screamed. Screamed so loud that the driver of the ambulance almost crashed. After that, there was a lot of panic, a lot of confusion and many shouts of “Miracle!” and “Impossible!” And “He’s alive!”

But he’d slipped into a coma, and now, after the seven hour operation, doctors were unsure if he’d ever wake up. As he was wheeled into a private room in the ICU where he would be living until he regained consciousness, Doctor Hiroki went to the waiting room to speak to his lover.

~~~

Ando Daisuke paced the length of the waiting room. His hands were clasped tightly behind his back and his face was tear stained. He had been in the ambulance with Shinya when the younger boy had come back to life and screamed so anguishly. He knew at that moment that some miracle had bought his lover back to him. But it had been so long since they took Shinya away to operate on him that Die was beginning to panic. What if something had happened and Shinya had been snatched away again!

The other three members of Dir en grey had cleaned themselves of the blood and stuff they had been covered in from the final battle with Yarazawa, and were now sitting on the orange plastic hospital chairs, waiting for news of their drummer. Die had told them about Shinya coming back to life, but they found it hard to believe. They had seen Shinya’s dead body before it had been taken away in the ambulance.

Die turned suddenly as Doctor Hiroki entered the room. He rushed over, eager for news on Shinya. But the doctor looked serious. Actually he was even frowning a little.

“How is he??!!”

Die burst out before the doctor could even say anything to him.

“Well… the good news is… He’s alive”

The doctor paused and Toshiya Kaoru and Kyo all looked up, watching Die and the Doctor. They were too scared to believe it was true. Die feared there was more to it than that.

“But…”
“But he’s in a coma. We don’t know if or when he will awake. You have to prepare yourselves that it might not happen. He may stay in this coma forever. If so, it will be your choice to turn off the life support machine. It would be unfair to keep him alive if there is no chance of recovery. You understand that? Right now, the machine breathes for him. The machine keeps him alive. I advise that if there is no improvement in one month, you switch it off.”

Toshiya began to cry at this news. Kaoru hugged him from one side, and the unusually quiet Kyo hugged him from the other. Die felt all his hope slip away. He was crushed by this news. It really didn’t look good for Shinya.

“May I see him?”

He whispered, his voice barely heard even though the room was silent except for Toshiya’s sobbing.

“Yes, but only for five minutes… and only you”

He added as Kaoru stood, ready to follow Die. He sat back down as Die followed the doctor down the sterile white corridor to Shinya’s room.

“I’ll leave you alone”

Doctor Hiroki said, holding the door open for him. Die went inside and over to the side of the bed. He grabbed Shinya’s frail hand in his, surprised at how cold it felt. The life support machine beeped every few seconds to show that Shinya was still alive, and the white blanket was pulled almost up to his shoulders. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were sunken. His lips were parted slightly and he was still. Just like a doll.

Die gently caressed his cheek before planting a soft kiss on the cool skin.

“I love you Shin Chan. Please come back”

He said quietly, staring down at his lover. They’d all been through so much. But Shinya had been through so much more. Die could only imagine the torture Yarazawa had put his sweet lover through. Maybe Shinya didn’t want to come back?

It was then he noticed something strange. Something out of place. In Shinya’s other hand was a lily. A white lily. Shinya’s hand seemed to be clenched around the lily, holding onto it tightly as if afraid to let go. Die frowned. ‘Where did that lily come from…’

~~~

A Year later…

“Are you ready Shin Chan? You got your appointment...”

Die held out Shinya’s fake fur lined coat and Shinya took it silently.

“I don’t need to see any doctor. I’m fine.”

He replied, pulling the coat over his lithe body. Die held the door open for him like a gentleman and he walked out of their apartment, Die pulling the door shut behind them before following Shinya down to the car. He would drive them to the hospital for Shinya’s monthly check up.

Shinya had been out of hospital for six months now, and had woken from the coma after three months. He’d started breathing by himself the night Die had asked doctors to turn off the life support machine. Another miracle. Everyone had expected him to be severely brain damaged, but other than slight amnesia and confusion, he had been perfectly fine. Another miracle. Everything about Shinya seemed to be a miracle to Die.

The empty apartment was left in a gleam of light leaking through the open living room window. The light seemed to focus on a single flower in a pale blue vase that was on the window sill. A single white lily.

~~~

“Ok Terachi San, if you will please remove your shoes and step onto the scales”

Shinya did as he was asked, leaving his shoes neatly under his chair before stepping onto the scales. Doctor Hiroki looked down at the weight that was displayed, and his glasses slid down his nose. Die sat quietly in the corner of the room, keeping a silent eye on his Shinya.

“Well, you are still slightly underweight, but you’ve risen six kilograms to Fourty five in the last month. That’s a good sign. Now, please lie on your back on the bed so I can examine you”

Shinya stepped off the scales and went over to the bed and took off his shirt before lying down. His fists clenched at his sides. Die looked away, out of the window. He knew Shinya hated this, but it had to be done.

“Ah. The scar is healing nicely. Soon it won’t be noticeable”

Dr Hiroki said warmly and Shinya stared through him. The scar was an ugly red and still very obvious to him. He flinched as the doctor began prodding at his naked stomach.

“Tell me if and when you feel any pain.”

He said as he moved his fingers about, and suddenly Shinya hissed. He often got bad pains in his stomach but he supposed that was normal. But when Dr Hiroki pressed just there, about an inch above and to the left of his scar, it was really painful.

“That hurts?”

The Dr commented and Shinya felt like yelling. So he did.

“Yes it hurts! You don’t need to prod me again like that!”

He exclaimed, struggling to sit up. Die rushed over and placed a hand on Shinya’s shoulder

“It’s ok Shin Chan”

But Shinya pulled away, leaving Die to feel stung, his face showing the hurt. Shinya deliberately didn’t look at him as he pulled on his shirt. Dr Hiroki wrote something on his sheet then motioned to the chairs across the room.

“Let’s go and sit down and discuss how you have been getting on since your last visit.”
“Fine”

Shinya pushed past both of them and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest protectively.

~~~

“I’m not coming to any more of these stupid appointments!”

Shinya ranted, ripping up his appointment card and throwing the pieces at Die.

“No more. No more. No more!”

Tears welled up in his eyes and he blinked them away. Die pulled Shinya close to him, trying to comfort his lover as he stroked Shinya’s hair.

“Shh… Shin Chan please. If you don’t want to go to any more appointments, I won’t make you. But it’s only because I love you”

“I Know Die. But really, I am fine now. Promise me you won’t make me do this anymore”

He melted into Die’s arms and Die kissed the top of his head with a sigh. ‘Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore?’ He hugged Shinya tighter, scared to let go.

“I promise”

~~~

Shinya huddled in the bath water, his knees pulled up to his chest as he hugged them. Die had kindly run him a nice warm bath when they’d got back from the hospital and at first he had relaxed in the water, but then his thoughts had caught up with him, and now he couldn’t shake them away.

‘Die’s so good to me. I love him so much, but he deserves better than me. Why does he still hold me and tell me he loves me when I’m so mean to him?’

Shinya closed his eyes, resting his forehead on his knees.

‘No! It’s because Die loves me that he holds me in the night when I wake up screaming from the nightmares. He soothes me, and only on those nights do I sleep soundly.’

Shinya sighed.

‘But… I can’t give him what he needs. I can’t give him anything in return. I can’t bring myself to even make love to him. No matter how much my heart cries out for him, my head turns him away. I love him too much; I can’t ruin his life like this! I’m just a burden to him… Die… Forgive me…’

A Sudden pair of arms around him made him cry out as he realised he was being lifted out of the water. He kicked his legs out trying to get free until he heard the calming voice of his lover.

“Shinya, it’s me, Die. I was worried. That water’s stone cold! What were you doing in there?”

Shinya immediately went still, and turned in Die’s arms so that he could look into those endless brown pools of love. Die’s hands held gently to his arms, and before Shinya knew what he was doing, he leaned in and pressed his full lips against Die’s. The kiss wasn’t passionate or hungry or lust filled. It was sweet and innocent. He felt Die respond to him slowly, and held the kiss for a few moments before pulling away.

“Let me get dressed”

He said quietly, and Die nodded, leaving Shinya alone in the bathroom.

~~~

Shinya always loved the way Tokyo looked at night. The way the lights twinkled across the whole metropolis like artificial stars. He looked out across the city now, his white bathrobe pulled tight across his body and Miyu yapping at his feet as he absently stroked the stem of the lily.

Die came into the room and smiled across to his lover, even though he couldn’t see his face.

“I made ocha”

He said, holding out a small cup to Shinya. Shinya tensed up on hearing Die’s voice. He didn’t want to turn around as he didn’t want to see the devastation that would no doubt be written over his face when Shinya said these words

“I think we should break up”

[Angel]

Title: Breathing water
Chapter: 2/10
Status: ongoing
Author: Angel
Genre: Angst
Band: Dir en grey,
Pairing(s): Daishin, Kao x Totchi
Rating: NC 17
Warning: none?
Disclaimer: Don't own them
Comments: Ok I’m going with the psychological storyline. Sorry this took so long. I had severe writers block

~~~

The silence that followed Shinya’s statement was soon broken by the shattering of the cup as it fell from Die’s hand, the black tea staining the plush cream carpet. Surely… surely Shinya didn’t mean those words? He rushed across the room to his lover and tried to hug him, but Shinya moved away, refusing to meet Die’s eyes.

“Shin, you… you don’t mean it. Tell me you don’t mean it”

Die couldn’t help the tears that began to fall from his eyes. Shinya stared down at the ground. Die grabbed Shinya’s shoulders and started shaking him vigorously, but Shinya didn’t respond. Didn’t say a thing. Didn’t say that he didn’t mean it. He meant every word of it. He knew that if they stayed together even just one more day, he would end up destroying the life of his most precious. That their love would be corrupted by his fears and insecurities. He knew it was best for both of them if he ended it now, clinging to the memories of all the good moments that had passed between them before their love turned bad and Die began to resent him.

“Shinya! Say something!”

Die begged. His heart was breaking more and more the longer Shinya stayed silent. But his hands dropped from Shinya’s shoulders when the drummer looked at him with cold, hard eyes.

“I’ll pack some stuff and leave right away”

Shinya walked away from Die and into their shared bedroom, shutting the door behind him before his face crumbled. He wanted to vomit. Miyu yapped at his feet but he ignored her as he got out a large suitcase and began throwing his clothes into it. He wanted to leave this room, this apartment. Leave Die. He couldn’t stand to see Die’s face. He never wanted to see Die’s face ever again.

But his heart… it was crying out in agony. Trying to turn him around and run back out of the room and into Die’s arms. To say sorry and hope that Die would forgive him and kiss him better. Caress his cheek and tell him everything was ok.

Shinya’s head, Shinya’s logic told him that would never be possible anymore. That he had to forget the red head and move on. Even if… even if that meant leaving the band.

In the living room, Die had collapsed on the couch. He was in shock. Surely Shinya didn’t mean it. He waited for Shinya to come back out of the room and tell him it was a mistake, a joke. But the longer time passed and the longer Shinya didn’t appear, he knew it was really happening. He buried his face in his hands, body shaking as he cried. He’d finally got his Shinya back and now he was losing him all over again. But this time, it was by choice. Shinya’s choice. He knew he didn’t have the strength to fight for Shinya any longer.

At that moment Shinya came out of the bedroom, suitcase in one hand, and Miyu in her carry case in the other. Die jumped up from the couch and rushed over to his love. He grabbed Shinya’s wrists and forced him to wait

“Shinya if you… if you can look me straight in the eye and tell me you mean it, I will promise you that I will leave you alone. I will find someone else to love. I will forget all about you”

His voice was shaking as he said the last sentence. He nibbled on his lip, scared to look at Shinya, but afraid to look away.

Shinya stared into his eyes coldly.

“Ando I do not love you. I never loved you. I’ll never love you. Get on with your life so that I can get on with mine. Goodbye”

Die didn’t realise that Shinya had left him all alone until he heard the front door slam. All he could hear were those words echoing in his head. <i> I do not love you. I never loved you. I’ll never love you.</i>

~~~

Toshiya shrieked as Kaoru chased him around their small apartment wearing nothing but a yellow apron covered in bunnies. He had a tea towel in his hand which he was using like a whip on Toshiya’s pert bare backside. Toshiya’s bath towel had fallen off somewhere in the living room.

Kaoru chased him into the bedroom where he had collapsed face down, burying his face in the blue silk sheets. Kaoru dropped to his knees and sunk his teeth into a firm cheek, causing Toshiya to cry out in pleasure, and whimper as Kaoru dragged his teeth down over the red skin before flicking his tongue out across the redness, taking away the sting of the bite and making Toshiya writhe in pleasure.

Kaoru stood up so that he could untie the apron and Toshiya took the chance to turn over so that he was lying on the bed. His eyes were glued to his lover as Kaoru balled up the apron and threw it on the floor.

“Ravish me Kaokao”

Toshiya said sensually, spreading his legs and purring. Kaoru didn’t need to be asked twice and he jumped on the bed, landing right between those long, slender legs.

Toshiya sat up and pressed his naked chest against Kaoru’s. Kaoru gently took Toshiya’s chin and turned his head, sealing their lips in a passionate kiss that was also full of love and emotion.

Toshiya kissed back, sighing happily into the other’s mouth. He parted his lips and rubbed his tongue against Kaoru’s when it entered his mouth. He traced circular patterns up and down Kaoru’s bare back as he concentrated on the kiss.

Kaoru’s hands found the ass that he loved so much and he grabbed it, pulling Toshiya close to his body. Their arousals brushed together and Toshiya bit down on his tongue. He pulled back and glared at his lover, but Toshiya just giggled and licked the tip of his nose.

“I love you Kao”

He whispered against the other’s lips before lying back on the bed, pulling Kaoru with him. He wrapped his legs around Kaoru’s waist, rubbing their erections together.

Kaoru pressed his hips down into Toshiya’s and both men moaned.

“I love you too, Totchi”

Kaoru murmured as he buried his face in his lover’s neck, kissing and tasting him. Toshiya turned his head to the side so that there was more flesh for Kaoru to tease. He pushed on Kaoru’s shoulders, urging the older one to move lower.

Kaoru, eager to please his lover, began to slowly kiss his way down Toshiya’s body, paying close attention to each of the beautiful chocolate coloured nipples. He nibbled and stroked the toned stomach before moving lower so that he was level with the tip of Toshiya’s sex.

“Please!”

Toshiya begged, pushing his hips up off the bed. Kaoru firmly pushed Toshiya’s hips back down, then leaned over, ready to take his lover into his mouth. He was moving closer, so close now; Toshiya could feel Kaoru’s breath against his sex, making it twitch. He could almost feel the hot wet mouth surround him when suddenly Kaoru’s cell phone rang.

Kaoru moved away to answer but Toshiya grabbed him back

“Ignore it”
“I can’t. What if it’s important?”
“Aren’t I important?”

Toshiya pouted, his eyes filling with fake tears and Kaoru sighed. The phone stopped ringing, making the choice for him. He went back to his previous position and was about to take Toshiya in his mouth when the phone rang again.

He didn’t dare look at his sulking lover as he got off the bed and walked to his phone so that he could answer

“Die!”

Toshiya turned his back on Kaoru, sulking. However, he kept his ears open so that he could listen into the conversation, even though he could only hear Kaoru’s half

“What??!!”
“…”
“Die, calm down!”
“…”
“He’ll be back”
“…”
“Don’t say that!”
“…”
“I know, I know”
“…”
“Hang in there, I’ll be right over”

Kaoru hung up and began throwing on some clothes. Toshiya just looked at him. He was still angry, but he was curious about the phone call and Kaoru looked so worried.

“Well. Aren’t you going to tell me? Or are you going to leave me hot and hard without an explanation”
“Shinya left him”

~~~

Shinya had checked into the nearest hotel and the first thing he had done was have a shower. He’d forgotten that he’d only bathed a couple of hours earlier. He felt dirty. His skin was bright red where he had scrubbed at it to get it clean. His cell phone was turned off so that his band mates couldn’t get in touch with him. He wanted to be completely alone. He needed to be completely alone.

With his hair still wet, he got into bed and turned off the light. As soon as the darkness surrounded him, he was attacked by images of Die. He couldn’t shake the image of Die’s face out of his mind when he said he didn’t love him and never would. Die had been so heartbroken. Devastation was too tame a word for it. Die. Please be alright. I know you are strong enough to get through this

He turned over in the bed, pulling his body into a foetal position. He hugged a pillow to his stomach and realised for the first time that he was crying.

“Have I really done the right thing?”

He asked alone to the empty room. The last thing he expected was an answer. But that is what he got. A cold harsh laughter ripped through the darkness and Shinya bolted up in the bed.

“Who’s there?”

He asked, his voice shaking as he kept the covers pulled up to his neck.

“You can call me Kita.”
“What… what do you want from me?”

Shinya questioned, eyes wide with fear. Kita laughed again.

“Nothing, little Shin Chan. I’m here to help you. Of course you made the right choice. Die already resents you because you won’t fuck him. He’s just a man. He thinks with his dick. If you stayed with him, he’d end up hating you. Wouldn’t you rather cherish the good memories?”

Shinya listened carefully before nodding. Of course, Kita was right. Kita confirmed his fears.

“You’re right. But… why does it hurt so bad?”

He said with a loud sob. He tensed up when he felt a hand on his chest.

“Your heart will heal with time. Have faith in yourself. Be strong, Shin Chan”

Shinya knew that kita had left him and he was alone once more. He couldn’t help but wonder if it had all been a dream. It didn’t feel real. His heart still felt empty, but he was even more convinced that he was doing the right thing. He settled back in his bed and closed his eyes.

He was almost asleep when something soft landed on his face. …What? He reached out for the light switch that was near the bed and turned it up. He was shocked and a little scared to see the white lily that had slipped down into his lap when he had sat up. I left that back at the apartment. How did it get here?

~~~

Toshiya flung himself at Die and hugged him tightly whilst Kaoru cleared up the empty vodka bottles. Since Die had got off the phone to him barely an hour before he had drunk himself into a stupor and could hardly even stand.

Toshiya had insisted on going with Kaoru and they’d had a small argument about it but of course Toshiya got his own way. Kaoru was very weak where his black haired lover was concerned.

“Oh Die, he’ll be back! You can talk to him tomorrow at practice”

Toshiya soothed, but Die pushed him away rather roughly and Toshiya fell off the couch and landed on the floor with a thud. He stared up at Die in surprise.

“Why did you bring him?”

Die demanded turning to look at Kaoru completely ignoring Toshiya. Toshiya felt stung and bit on his tongue. He didn’t want to start crying. Kaoru glared at Die who had obviously upset his lover.

“Don’t take it out on Totchi. It’s not his fault. And I bought him because I love him”

This was the wrong thing to say as Die sprang up from the Chair and took Kaoru by the neck, pushing him up against the nearest wall.

“You bought him so that you could rub it in my face that I lost mine while you still have yours! Great friend Niikura, such a great friend! Now leave! Both of you! Get OUT”

He threw their coats and shoes at them and pushed them out of the door, slamming it shut in their faces.

He collapsed against the door, falling to his knees. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t get through it. He was broken

~~~

AN: Yes I know, this chapter is crappy. I’ll try and write the next chapter quickly, but I have three assignments due in before the end of November so I can’t promise anything