Oh No! I was afraid this would happen one day!

I just got a call from day care. Dylan wanted a toy, another boy wouldn't give it to him so he bit the boy on the back, through his shirt and through his skin! I'm so upset. Dylan has been throwing more and more temper tantrums (and more intense). UGH!

How have you all handled biting?

We worked with ds to teach him not to bite. We had him practice not biting, where we'd put our hand in his mouth, and encourage him NOT to bite (this worked rather well). We accompanied it with lots of praise, and after a bit (no pun intented) he got the hang of it.

Every now and then, he may need a gentle reminder of "no biting" but since we introduced this fun method it's worked pretty successfully.

I like that idea Chav! Thanks!

We kept up with:

"People are NOT for biting!"

That did nothing.

"Biting hurts! Teeth are sharp!" and holding her hand to her teeth.

That did nothing.

I probably did some 30 other things, all of which...

did nothing.

But then time passed. And that worked.
It's a stage. They grow out of it, b'H!!!

Zeph -hopefully it's a stage that passes very quickly. Our day care has a strict "three bites and you're out" policy.

We are going to have to nip this one in the bud (pun intended).

Is that for real? You're serious? 3 bites and you're EXPELLED?

That is the most absurd thing I've heard all day.

Kids bite.

Some bite more than others.

They grow out of it.

In some cases, they can be stopped, but in other cases - not so easily. Certainly not within 3 times!

Biting is usually correlated with language development (or rather, lack of same). The one positive thing you can do is work with him on verbal responses to stress. Such as "AARGH!" or "NO!" or "HAAH!".

Happy Mom would say that you can usually tell when a child is about to lose it, and if you were within arm's reach, you should be able to defuse the situation before the teeth are even bared.

In your case, this would apply to the child care provider. If they see a fight about to happen, why do they not step in? Are they not within arm's reach?

I agree that's horrible. It's a stage that some kids go through. And yes, I would say it's more an issue of the DCP not preventing it than something YOU'VE done to "create" a biter.

I don't know how strict they are on the 3 bites rule but that's what is in our handbook.

Sometimes things happen so quickly the teacher just can't get there in time.

After a bitting has occurred, they shadow the biter to help them redirect their energy and express the problem. I tried Chav's idea and so far so good.

We realized last night that we are sending him mixed messages. He likes it when we play with him and try to take away his milk (tell him it's mine and he pulls it back). Bad mommy & daddy I told DH we have to stop doing that because it's telling him that taking things away is a game and fun when it's really not.

Do you really think it's realistic for a DCP to stay close enough and aware enough of this to preempt biting? If most people think that it's unreasonable to expect of a mother who knows her kids and has a much smaller ratio of kids to adult, how in the world can this be expected of busy caretakers who have much less emotional involvement and investment?

Someone last year told me that her 2.5 year old was kicked out of daycare/playgroup. I was really taken aback - it was the first time I heard of such young kids being expelled. I think that her problem was also biting.

I don't think in Israel this is going to happen any time soon, but in the US there are different standards. And biting is dangerous.

I don't know how these rules are established - it does seem kind of hard core - but I guess they have to draw a line somewhere.....

>>Happy Mom would say that you can usually tell when a child is about to lose it, and if you were within arm's reach, you should be able to defuse the situation before the teeth are even bared. <<

Um, LFE, are you making fun of me? Because I really wouldn't say this.

I don't.

But how in the world could the children be expected to act with that much more self-control?

Granted, I could imagine in extreme cases, where the child bites consistently and often, and there is no improvement, then the child should not be placed in that situation.

But for your average kid, it's like saying "3 toilet accidents and they're out".

More realistic that to expect the parents who aren't there to prevent it.

Dylan has bit me and DH before. He's so quick about it that you don't realize what is happening until he's on you. Sometimes he gets worked up when playing with us and other times it's when he's frustrated. He's just never done it to another child before.

There is a huge difference between a bite (which can cause infection) and an toilet accident (which causes a mess).

I understand the rule and I am fine with it. I just hope that it doesn't happen again.

How old is Dylan now? Just around 2?

He's probably never done it to another child because he only just started playing together rather than in parallel.

And his verbal skills are probably not sufficient to allow him to choose verbal reactions under stress.

Plus, he doesn't have any older siblings to practice being frustrated with.

Adds up to normal biting.

Follow all the suggestions against biting that you see or hear.

But if he continues biting, that is NOT because there is something wrong with him, NOR with you.

It is completely normal, it will pass, and does not say anything about him as a person or you as parents.

(PS: Biting causes infections and toileting accidents don't? Err.. beg to differ! Most baby bites don't break the skin in the first place, and a little Bacitracin takes care of the few that do. Poop might have e.coli! ... Don't want to start an argument about the relative dangers - that's just ammunition in case the day care gives you a hard time )