Starting Cheider in Elul

This fall my baby boy will be going to school for the first time. It's not an option to keep him home.
I am nervous. He has never been in a daycare or with a babysitter (actually just once.) He gets nervous when other kids get too close or when a strange adult comes too close.
The cheder is almost a mile away, but I don't want him taking the schoolbus with wild kids and no supervision. So I plan to walk him, but I'm afraid it will be too hard.
The day ends at 2:30, which is when he goes down for a nap. It might change by then, but still... I'm considering asking the school to pick him up 1/2 hour early every day. Is that bad? What if they're in middle of an activity?
I'm also afraid of him having an accident and the Rebbi wouldn't change him.
Yes, he will have a Rebbi, not a Morah. Which also makes me nervous- such small kids require physical and emotional care, not just teaching. Will a Rebbe provide that?
I need encouragement!

I will try to address all of your worries.
1) he will not be thrilled at the begining. There might be alot of crying and clingyness, It is temporary, and he will get past it. It is always hard the first few weeks when they start school. I promise it will get better, but don't expect too much before succot. Be prepared for some of your own tears.

2)The school bus--At this age they only have private busses, The legal age for free school bus is 5 years old. A private bus , always has a chaperone, and the kids are strapped in before the bus can move, it is leagally required at this age. I do not bus my kids because it is 250.00 a month per child in my sons school. I take and pick them up everyday, I have a car, and even then its really hard to take and pickup every day. Walking may be a bit difficult after a while.

3)My son had a morah at 3, but has a rebbe this year at 5. I find that the rebbe is very nurturing, something happened to my son at school, and he told me "my rebbe hugged me and wiped my tears". Chassidish schools that have rebbes at a very young age, usually choose very nurturing soft men for the job. They could not do it if they were anything but. I would trust the rebbe. I am sure they will have orientation of some kind, when you go make sure to point out the bathroom, this way he will know where it is and will be more likely to go. It is also important to start preparing him mentally now.

If he will be having an upsherin soon, try to have it take place in the class where he will be going to next year, this way he will hopefully have fond memories of the place, and be more open to the idea of it. Start playing up the fact that he will be a big boy very soon and will be going to yeshiva and have a rebbi. I did this with my now 5 year old, and he adjusted beautifully to having a rebbi.

4) I would not pick up early. It disturbs the whole class dynamic. If one mother comes all the other kids get antsy. Also, it sets your son apart from the other kids. which IMHO, is not such a great thing.

you wil need it more then he does. You will see it will be good!

Thank you so much for your thorough response- I really needed that lift!
I was thinking the same about early pickup- that it might not be worth it. But then I definitely can't send him on a school bus home because he will fall asleep in it and fall/get jostled. And the bus thing- my neighbor has a boy in cheder this year and he goes on a regular big school bus without seatbelts.
Maybe we'll do the upsherin in the classroom- great idea!! It will be lag-baomer so no school that day.

The first thing to do is to get him excited about going to cheider. Talk to him about how he is going to be such a big boy, learning Torah, which is so important, etc. Take him for walks to the school and show him the building and tell him that that's where he is going next year when he's such a big boy.

As far as him getting nervous around strangers -- can you start working on that now? Invite other boys for play dates, go to other people, especially boys who will be in his class, eventually get to the point where you can leave him in a friend's house for a while.

My children start school later, at 4. But the year before, we do a merry-go-around with a friend. My 3-year-old loves going to her friend's house. And it makes her feel all grown up when she stays there all by herself. I've had younger kids at my house also, all by themselves, and they did just fine.

Is there any way to find out who the Rebbi is going to be and try to introduce him to the Rebbi before he starts school?

I never heard of such little kid going on a bus ! Many schools have school on lag baomer, in fact most do. Call up and see if it is possible. It never hurts to try.

He'll be going to the cheider on his upsherin to read the Alef Bais anyway, so even if the entire event won't be there, he'll have a preview.
Good idea about the walking past the school and pointing it out.

I have to get down to business with playdates, but believe it or not, everyone I know with kids this age send them to playgroup.

Oh, and the Rebbi will come to our house before school starts (which I think is wonderful) but it's only one time and I don't think I can impose more than that on him.

Don't worry about his nap time. His schedule will change to adapt to new conditions, you'll see.

I don't know about your school, but here in Israel, young children don't start right away with a full day. The first day is just a few hours, then a few more.. it takes about a week to get up to a full day. Your school also will have an orientation, for the children as well as the parents, I'm sure.

Do they have a day camp in the summer? Sometimes it helps to send the child for a few weeks of fun, less structured activity, that allows them to meet some of the staff and some of the children.

Lots of Nachas!!!!

That's great that the Rebbi will come to your house. I think it will help a lot.

About transportation -- is there any way that you could buy a car? Once you have children who go to school, it's not a luxury any more, it's a necessity. And when something becomes a necessity, Hashem provides it for us just as He provides for all our other needs. Before my daughter started school, we had to buy a van. By hashgacha pratis (Divine intervention), we were able to buy a used van in a great condition for 2/3 of the market price. So don't give up. Be on the lookout. Maybe someone is moving and really needs to sell a car. Or maybe someone wealthy just needs to get rid of an old car and would sell it for almost nothing.

While you are looking, do you have any neighbors with cars who take their children to the same school and who could also take your son? It could be in exchange for some favor, like maybe you could watch her baby while she takes the older ones to school or something. Or some people would just do it for the mitzvah -- they're going to school anyway, and they have space in the car, so why not?

Another thing I wanted to tell you is that this is your first time and of course, you're worried, but chances are that your son will absolutely love school. The first time I took my daughter to school, I expected to stay there for at least a couple of hours until she gets used to it. After the first 5 minutes she said, "Bye Mommy." I couldn't believe my ears. I asked her if I could go home now, and she said yes, not even looking up from the toys she was playing with. So I left. And she came home happy.

AP children tend to be very independent and confident, specifically because we are so quick to respond to their needs. They are ready to face the world, before we're ready to face the fact that they're not babies any more .

Yehudis, at first you gave me a good laugh at the car idea. We barely live from week to week! But then I read the rest of it- interesting point about Hashem providing necessities. Thank you for being so encouraging!

I don't know if I would rule out the schoolbus if I were you, You said the school is a mile away from your house, that means a minimum of 4 miles a day walk for you and the kids.....its nice in nice weather, but will be awful when it is really cold, raining or hot.

My husband and I figured out that for the price of bussing our 2 kids to school in pre school (280 a month per child ) we couyld lease a van and have it all the time. so thats what we did.

Wanted to chime in re: transportation. I walk my kids to and from schools (different locations). It's not always easy, but it is better for me and for them.
Don't worry about nap time, just make sure to put him in his carriage on the way back; my 2.5 yr old DD often falls asleep in the cariage, and keeps sleeping in it once we get home.

re: buses - it's only convenient if it stops in front of your house. In our case, I would still have to get out in all kinds of weather, shlep everyone 2 blocks away, and wait for the bus, which would then take my older DD to school after 40 min of driving; whereas we live withing 25-30 min walk. So, doesn't pay for me; besides, DD 1 gets very car sick. And I would still have to walk the younger one to school since I caanot pay another $2000 a year for a private van.

The unexpected but pleasant surprise is that my kids get great exercise, and can walk for an hour (my older DD used to receive therapy for low muscle tone and such. Not a problem any more!). Instead of coming to school groggy after a bus ride, they are awake after a brisk walk. It also gets me moving - if I didn't have to get out of the house, I would be just stuck here all day - I am a sedentary person by nature.

You have to see what's best for you, your kids, your family, your budget.

Thank you! You made me feel better on that front.

Karapooz, I like your screen name -- My first language is Russian:)

Good luck with starting school. For my 2 yr old it went much more smoothly than I expected; I was thrilled.

[Moderator Hat]

I just de-hijacked K-z's thread. All the Russian culture stuff is now in the Official Russian Thread in Shmoozing.

[/Moderator Hat]

The one pertinent thing my post had said before it was moved:

Right. Back to Karapooz's dilemma. (He'll be fine, y'k. He'll make friends, have a good time, eat some white sugar. Everything will turn out okay).