"Girl" as a derogatory term

The background: Ds just did 10 pushups (he wasn't feeling so good, this helps) and I was really impressed with his speed, and said so.

He was surprised, and said, "were they really that fast?"

and I responded, "well, you know me, I only do girl pushups (pushups with bent knees)".

My girls were in an uproar: "we are girls and we don't do pushups like that!!

They don't. They can do pushups with the best of them (they are 7 and 9. A little brag: I was watching the class and a boy was told to have a match against my 7yo dd, and the boy whined and said, "but she's *good*!! And yeah, that kid spent most of the match flat on his back).

Back to the point: I used "girl" as an adjective to mean weak and inferior. I am glad my dds called me on it.

I wonder how often I do this... do you do this too? Do you stop yourself? How do I stop it?!

Except that those are actually called "girl pushups".

http://www.ehow.com/how_2156721_do-girl-push-up.html

yeah, I was taught that in gym class. Moral of this story...everyone should stop doing pushups. they are sexist.

Pushups are really healthy, and when girls start young enough they can continue doing them into adulthood. "Girl" pushups are where every out of shape person begins. If we called them "fat people pushups", would that be any different?

I am not trying to be politically correct; I am trying to raise daughters who value themselves and see themselves as capable and competent people. When I describe something as "girl" to mean inferior, I am moving away from my goal.

we called them bent knee push ups

It's derogatory if you mean it as in "easier, less-demanding, because girls can't handle the real thing".
It's not derogatory if you mean - girls and boys have different bodies and these are more appropriate for our body structure.
If you give the message of different is just the way it is, not better or worse, then that's OK.
Some people feel that way about being over-weight (when there are no other health impacts - so someone overweight without heart, blood pressure or blood sugar issues). It's just body type, like height, hair colour, etc.
But, if I found myself using it as a judgmental comment, then I'd want to reframe my own attitude to pass along one of strength and comfort in differences to my daughters.

That's the whole point-- my girls, as well as their dance teachers and other in-shape women in their lives, do NOT do pushups with bent knees. They do regular, leg extended pushups and make them look easy. Bent-knee pushups aren't "more suited to women's bodies". They are suited for people who can't hack the real thing. Myself currently included, but I'm working on it.

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ETA: I just tried, and after a little more than a week doing bent knee pushups, I can now do the real thing!!!

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So as soon as you say "girl pushups" you automatically mean inferior.

I'm not trying to raise my kids gender neutral. My girls love pink, they wear skirts all the time, they take dance along with judo (you should watch them change out of one uniform and into the other-- their bearing and posture changes right with the uniform. It's like magic). They are into all things girl.

But they aren't weak and they don't need pushups, or anything else, dumbed down.

Which is what using "girl" as an adjective usually implies. And that's what I don't want to be doing.

Am I really alone on this here?

You are not alone.
I have found myself evolving to have a more mature view of gender differences, especially as my oldest daughter grows up, and as I see myself more comfortable in my role as an at-home mom, without feeling inferior for not holding down a paying job outside the house. And I think that as I go through that change in my own outlook, I'm using the language of gender differences in more positive ways, rather than discriminatory. And that goes for boys roles, too - seeing them helping in the kitchen and with the younger kids in the same way that the girls generally are expected to.
Having recognized that you have a tendency to use "girl" as a derogatory term, I think you'll see yourself reaching for other descriptions that aren't gender-biased, and more describing things more objectively.
Do you think I answered your question this time? Or is heat- and pregnancy-induced fogginess still obscuring my ability to express myself?

It doesn't need to mean inferior or derogatory, since men and women have different bodies with different strengths and different weaknesses. For the very young and those who work at it, it is not an issue.

I recently took part of a day for mothers and one of the activities was rock wall climbing.
All of the women there were mothers, of different ages, stages etc; some were very toned, work out and some not. The first mama who attempted the climb was having a really hard time and she was,toned, goes to the gym etc; THe instructor told her to use her legs, thighs and not try pull herself up with her upper body.....she then explained to us that women naturally have more strength in their legs and men in their upper body. She was not being sexist, just stating fact!!!! By using my legs I was able to do it too otherwise I would not have gotten very far...
Our bodies can carry, birth, and nurse babies, they are stronger in some places for a reason.
Someone, who has not yet had babies could probably rival anyone with abs sit ups, but after pregnancies, there tends to be some separation of the abdominal muscle diastasis recti. Doing sit ups is not only going to be in-effective at toning/tightning the abs, but can be downright damaging. There are other abs exercises geared to help strengthen this that are geared to women.

If you thought it was a derogatory term, like "you throw like a girl", then I agree with you, you shouldn't use it any more, especially since there are several other names for that exercise.

In general, I agree with Gilima, each exercise must be evaluated for its appropriateness to one's body, and gender is an important factor. Push-ups can be used for "core muscles" instead of upper body, depending on the angles. Personally, I use the machine in the park that's designed for pecs to work on stretching my shoulder muscles and strengthening upper back muscles. It's all in how you do it.

I don't see that you have anything to prove by doing push-ups.

I am with you in that. I dont know what the 'correct' term is for bent knee push ups but I wouldnt be comfortable calling them that as it does sound derogatory. I am not saying that girls and boys are not different but girls are physically just as capable as doing pushups as boys are (your dds being good examples of this). Its not farfetched to imagine that the term got coined because it is less demanding and the implication being that women/girls are weaker and cant do the real thing. It just doesnt sound like a name that got coined because science went into proving that this is more preferable for a womans body because of the differences between that and a man's.
Anyways, I think its great that you are willing/open to change hen it got pointed out, so well done!

I don't have anything to prove, it's part of my at-home upper body workout (15 minutes 3 times a week, give or take). I started with modified pushups, with the goal of going to conventional ones eventually... I certainly didn't expect to get there in two weeks!

Gilima-- thanks for the reference to diastasis recti. I heard about it before, but didn't really think about it, but it might explain that while the rest of my body has been getting muscular, my belly has been getting bigger. Time to adjust what I do, but I really, really don't want to give up my much beloved (and much more intense than the name implies) yogalates class.

And in the meanwhile, I have been careful about my adjectives. I have been reading the accounts of women who were raised as homeschoolers with parents who believed that "you don't need college, you'll be a sahm anyway". This sort of an attitude is incredibly damaging and many of these girls are now crippled (one particular case is now a mom of 4, a brilliant blogger, and can only get minimum wage work). So on the one hand, I value what I do as a SAHM, and the choices that I have made. OTOH, I cannot predict where my children's lives will go, and I raise them accordingly. I respect gender differences, but respect should not hobble either gender.

I hate this kind of thing myself. I was happy one year when I saw a girl of about 12 with a shirt which said on the back, "Yes I run like a girl - FAST and faster than you!"

I remember working an an all-male office where the team lead one row over routinely referred to his team as women as a form of insult. "C'mon ladies!". Or "Don't get your panties in a wad.". The sexism in that corporate culture was pervasive. I quit after my nickname on my own team became a sexual slur I won't even repeat in polite company.

This kind of speech is pervasive and damaging. It belittles girls and teaches them that they are less capable. A healthy woman can do a full pushup as easily as any man. That's why bent-knee pushups aren't accepted for physical fitness tests for the military or police, regardless of gender.

Our girls deserve better and I think it's great when we can root things like this out of our own speech.