Neufeld

This may come across sounding blasphemous...

But before I invest in the dvds I wanted to find out.

How do you know that any of what Nefueld writes is true?

I don't have my copy of Hold On to Your Kids to hand, but I suspect he has some sources cited in the back.

The Vancouver library almost certainly has the DVDs (they do here) and they'll have a gazillion copies of HOtYK...

In other evidence, my MIL and FIL are registered psychologists and they claim he's spot-on as well...

That's not at all a blasphemous question. Critical thinking is key, even when it comes to Neufeld's work.

Here's my answer:

1. Because all of his work is relies very heavily on actual research, not conjecture. What he really brings to the table is his ability to synthesize information in ways that no one had considered before. If you haven't studied psychology, his genius is obvious enough. But if you have, you see how incredible his work is. (

2. Because most of what he says in no longer common sense, but it does have roots in the Torah. Ask LfE about this-- she keeps stumbling over Neufeld concepts, often using the same terms, in all sorts of places (the Ramchal quote she mentioned in the clingy 4yo thread comes to mind, and as I recall there are others).

3. Because it has increased the shalom bayit in my home by an enormous factor. Learning Neufeld's ideas has improved my marriage (and not just mine-- every married couple in the class has reported the same). The kids are happier and more peaceful. And when incredible stress hit our family, when we were separated for two months, instead of falling apart, we came together.

I am not a parenting class sort of person. I simply never found a class that was worth the investment, or that I felt would enrich my family's life. (I was even asked to give classes in Faber/Mazlish, and declined, because as much as I liked the material, there simply wasn't enough there).

Neufeld's work is different. My friends who have gone beyond Power to Parent and have taken the intensives say that as much as there is in the P2P class (the one I'm trying to organize on here) there's even more. Which is why the class is so worthwhile-- because the instructor brings the material from the intensives into the class, and the videos take on an even broader dimension. But even without the class, the videos are worth it, and if you can afford to take the class as well as buy the videos, that's even better.

So far I am in the second series of the Power to Parent series (completed the first 8, now half way through the second 8) and I have watched each video, I'm guessing 2 to 4 times? At least. I'm rewatching them all from the beginning right now, because after dd2's accident, the incredible stress of it set us back a good deal. Eventually if my life calms down, I'll probably take the intensives, just because it's so fascinating. As far as parenting goes, you will get everything you need out of P2P, though.

Has anyone here read Raising Roses Among the Thorns? It's one of my favorite parenting books.

I just read the first chapter of Hold On To Your Kids online, and I see some similarities (not in style, but in general theme of attachment being essential for discipline). I'd love to hear from anyone who has read both.

Elisheva the library hear does have the DVDs but has about a 6-month (at least) hold on it...

I just see it working in real life. And even more, I see it so much in my own inner work and personal growth, as Zephyr has mentioned. I see the exact patterns that Neufeld describes, and I see how working on that, using his ideas, is really helpful.

so interesting. It's not at our public library and when I inquired about an inter library loan, they said the DVDs were cost prohibitive and therefore, no library would purchase them

Vancouver is the centre of the Neufeld universe...

Yeah, gr8, I have been waiting since December for the vids and just got them Did you see the course Zephyr is coordinating? It will provide access to the vids online for the participants during the course. That may be the way to go.

I read Raising Roses when I was in Korea two winters ago (it's in the Chabad House library there).

I can understand why someone would enjoy it, but it cannot hold a candle to Neufeld. Neufeld has *so much more* in terms of growth and development (though I did get some useful info from Raising Roses).

There is a caveat, though-- Neufeld's book doesn't do justice to his theories, his ideas or his life work. It's repetitive and dry. The book is so wrapped up in peer dependence that it's really hard to pull out the practical stuff for those of us who aren't dealing with that issue.

And it's still the best parenting book on the market.

Like pretty much everyone else I know who has read the book and also gone on to explore Neufeld's ideas through the videos and classes, have a love/hate relationship with the book. It's better than nothing, but it's not the book he should have written. (I said this to him, but he believes that people who read parenting books are a self-selecting group who needed this book. I still disagree).

A book more similar to Neufeld that I highly recommend is Raising A Child with Soul by Slovie Jungreiss (though she has these examples of parents saying things that are so outlandish I cannot really believe anyone is that materialistic! But then, I do not travel in the same circles as she does, to say the least).

zephyr, I so agree about the book being dry and not practical and while I have only seen part of one DVD it all fell into place right away.

btw, I don't have the book by Slovie Jungreiss, but heard her talk and was not so impressed and therefore did not get the book. She spoke at the preschool my dd teaches at and everyone told me I have to come listen to her, she is so amazing etc;
I also found that she was not realistic and not practical and just couldn't relate to the examples she gave at all, although I do know there were parents there who did.
I know that there is a fair amount of materialism here but I really don't know to what extent and it would only be a part of her audience anyway so I don't know why that is her theme. She spoke a lot about peer pressure but didn't come anywhere near neufeld with how to counteract that. She also spent a long time talking about how she was raised ( her parents are/were true greats, her mother is Esther Jungreiss ) and how they respected and honored their parents etc; but she wasn't able to convey what it is her parents did or didn't do and some people felt that she was lucky enough to be raise by amazing parents, but what about the rest of us?

I know you have courses with Leigh and I know there is somthing next week through a blog but did I miss somthing? are you putting together an online/group course?

I have the book and while I found it interesting I didn't find it so practical.

I ordered the DVDs so we will see ...

I ordered the set of p2p dvds and am getting one set at a time (There are 3 parts to it). I liked what he wrote in Hold on to your kids but actually found it hard to read and didnt think they were very practical either. I have gained more from reading ppl's interpretations here actually but I hope the dvds are better then the book. Unfortunately our library dont have them and dont want to get them because of the area code (section 1 of the world or something like that versus section 2?).

I will show this to dh as he asked me what his peer reviews were and what his sources were and stuff like that I dont have any clue about. To me its a matter of it seems right to me and works but he works differently to me. i am sure this will interest him so thank you!

I'm trying to put something together with Leigh. She's agreed to it in principle but she's travelling so it's hard to coordinate.

As for the Jungreiss book, I really enjoyed it and found that it had a lot of helpful ideas. Its primary message was to work on yourself first, and I really appreciate that message in a world where so many parenting books are just about a bag of tricks. It's from a secular publisher, so it may be available at your public library. It's worth a look through.

I'm going to ask Leigh this question. I looked through the book and didn't see any references to his published work, and google turned up research by other people based on his work.

Requisite link to the website explaining his approach.

ETA: I have another friend who is studying under Neufeld right now, she is going to ask him about this and I'll let you know what she says.