Struggling with the idea of going back to work, Work and Childcare

[Mirichka]

I didn't know where to post this, but I figured here is as good a place as any. I love being home with my son (3.5 years old) and could really see myself homeschooling. I've been researching different approaches--Waldorf, Montessori, unschooling, of which Waldorf and unschooling speak the most to me and to what I think wouls work for us based on interests and natures. However, family financial needs and the desire to contribute to relieve some of the burden off my husband compel me to have to go back to work--not full-time but more regularly, I could phase into it slowly--two days a week and then maybe 4-5 hours 4 days a week.

There is a local Jewish Montessori school and I've visited not once, not twice, but three time with Noam and I am still feeling all icky at the idea of sending him to school. Everything there is supposedly ideal, they have a great playground Noam loved and did not want to leave. There is more freedom and manipulatives available than in other schools, but it still seems forced and more structured than I would like. I also feel like the environemnt is more stimulating than I would like, why do the walls have to be so busy. I find myself being super critical of everything, aaah! I've been talking with him about it and I don't know if it's that he's reading how I am feeling about it and just mirroring that, or if he really just wants to be with me or just a combination of things but he doesn't seem too keen on school either. We get to do so much together and I love this time with him. I know it has been a luxury, but I just want to keep living the dream We are expecting another baby at the end of May at which point the work would have to happen from home, or I could have the flexibility to take baby into the office with me. We wouldn't enroll him in school until the end of August, so that gives us some time, and I have a sitter for two days a week. While he's not wild about the set-up it seems like this could work for now.

I think at this point I am more concerned at sending my son to school more than anything else. Is this me being lazy? Is this me not trusting others? Or is it just I love being with him and love talking with him, is it normal for a mother to want to be with her kid all the time?! Not that I never take time for myself, here I am putzing around on the computer when I should be cleaning and cooking after all it's Erev Pesach! I also find ways to incorporate "me time" by excercising and leaving Noam for 30-45 minutes a few days a week and we go on bike rides together so I get some energy out. And I have my moments, but I love that I am getting to work through that with him. Now that I've chewed your ears off, Any ideas for alternative solutions to school and how to cope?

[shirarocklin]

maybe, to start, don't think of it as school at all. he's basically going to daycare, at 3.5 yo, even if it is set up as a school. So, you aren't choosing to homeschool yet... you have years before he is mandatory school age to figure that part out. knowing that, where will he have most fun? with a babysitter/nanny? at the montessori? do what best suits his personality, within your choice of working or not working.

[ImaGeek]

I can relate to this. I remember the first time I took my kids to daycare. I knew I had to start back at work due to our family's financial situation, but my heart still broke as they clung to me, crying. All day, I worried about them. It wasn't that I didn't like where they were or didn't think the women there weren't doing a good job...it was that it wasn't me there to play with them or kiss the boo boos or to cuddle with them. I had tremendous guilt over being at work.

Then we all adjusted. The kids started making friends at preschool/daycare. They grew so much socially and really blossomed when it came to relationships. They became close to some of their caregivers and some of their caregivers became like family to us. I still would have preferred staying home with them longer, but it really wasn't the end of the world I had make it in my head to be. I still nursed my youngest until she was 2, pumping some at the end and sending milk in with her, but we nursed in the evenings more. My daughter now is more outgoing than her big brother and I often wonder if that is partially due to her have so much more social exposure younger?

It's tough...particularly if you'd rather be home full time, but it can also be good. It takes time to adjust and to feel comfortable with the environment you are leaving the kids in. It's normal to feel the way you are...after all...you're a good mom who only wants the best for your little ones!

[LearningFromExperience]

In addition to all of the above -

Sending your child to school doesn't mean that you relinquish the responsibility for his education. You're just outsourcing some of that time, for certain information / skills. They provide a service, of which you and your child are the consumers.

You are and always will be your child's most important teacher.

That is why, in Halacha, a child must refer to his mother as "Imi Morati" (my mother, my teacher), and his father, "Avi Mori" (my father, my teacher).

Now, if for a few hours a day, he's off singing songs, playing games, and attaching to several additional adults, that doesn't alter your relationship with him. Unless of course you let it - there are people out there who expect schools to raise their children, and act accordingly. Don't do that.

(For background - I have 7 kids, the oldest is almost 20, who all went to school, and who have a very strong relationship with me and definitely see me and their father as some of their most important teachers... on every level, including academic )