Ok, I'll try to confine myself to incidents within the last week...

Every day around 4pm I turn into an ogre and plunk the kids in front of the TV (sometimes earlier than 4pm :blush) and there they mostly stay until supper at 6:30.

I gave dd2.5 a whack on the butt yesterday for...I forget but it was being chutzpadik in some situation or other. I narrowly avoided whacking ds5.5's butt yesterday, also for being chutzpadik.

I lately have managed to stop yelling/whining "(KID'S NAME)!!!!" when discovering some mess they have made. I may once or twice have said "What the hell did you do?" when discovering said mess.

Last summer when I was about 3 weeks postpartum, ds5.5 did something (no idea what) and I really gave it to him in the back bedroom (yelling - REALLY loud). I then realized that the bedroom window was open and ALL THE NEIGHBOURHOOD LADIES were having their book club meeting at that very moment about 5 FEET FROM THE WINDOW. It's kinda funny now, but I waited for social services to show up for DAYS.

And here's the kicker: I'm not at all convinced that yelling is a step up from a whack or two on the butt (I'm not talking about spanking as a policy or spanking like some fundy Xtian families practice it). I think they are bad but I find we all recover from the spank more quickly than from a protracted yell.

I also sometimes whack with the back of my hand on the arm and I don't really feel too guilty about this one. :bag :hide

ETA: Shira, dh and I both are guilty of yelling in surprise/pain when one of the kids hurts us physically.

Never mind the whacks on the bottom, which make their point but are easily forgotten

DD reminded me recently about how I went to her ballet recital, and after saying how lovely she was, I mentioned that one of her classmates looked like she was born to be a ballerina.

Apparently, that was not the right thing to say to one's child.

:blush

This was maybe 10 years ago. Fortunately, my daughter not only has a long memory but also doesn't mind sharing her feelings, each and every single one of them, for the purpose of constructive criticism. So I got to hear about it, along with "Mommy, that was not the right thing to say. I only wanted to hear how beautiful I was".

D'oh.

That's really funny.

Yelling could be worse, your right. It depends how you do each thing, I guess.

I make my kids lots of 'treats,' even for breakfast, lunch or dinner, because its easy and they love it. But I justify it by making it homemade and telling myself that along with the sugar they are getting lots of really healthy fats (like homemade ice cream for dinner made from cream and egg yolks and sugar).

I mentioned that I've swatted them occasionally, almost as a reflex.

That monster you turn into? I turn into one after 6PM. DH takes over most parenting after 6, luckily.

Aside from loosing my temper more often than I'd like, and the occasionally stress-induced melt-down, I can't think of much more.

They watch TV, but I don't think its a bad thing. I watch with them a lot and we end up with a common vernacular to converse about our days at other times, and its really nice and bonding.

I snap at DH too much, too harshly, too often. Working on that too. Thats a big one.

I swear a LOT more than I think I do, and apparently have a horrible tone of voice. Both of which DS likes to mimic.... as in "Oh f**k!" and "why are you doing that?!"

Mostly I feel my shortcomings involve a lack of patience and creativity when dealing with whatever the tantrum/issue/request of the moment is. I read these Neufield threads and feel like I have so very far to go.

Food wise, I'm way to uptight. And cleanliness-wise. I am completely unable to deal with mess, clutter, disorganization, etc. Makes for some stressful moments what with working full time and living with two little people and a husband who aren't as fastidious as I am.

but otherwise I think I'm doing an okay job :rolleyes

My early pregnancy symptoms are REALLY bad, and for my first 2 pregnancies, the nausea lasts well into the 6th month.

So this time, pg with #3, I have been feeling very lousy and thinking of all the yuckiness that will continue for the coming months... In my nausous state, I have spent a LOT of time on my LR couch, directing activities from there, and trying my best not to move around much and make things more uncomfortable.

I have spent more than one Sunday with ds (age 7) playing video games...ALL DAY. (as in, 10+ hours in front of the machine!!!) It was the only way I could forsee doing anything with him that didn't account for me losing it... It was quite pleasant, but I am sure all that time in front of the screen did neither of us much good...


B"H today was the first good day in 2+ months - I am cautiously optimistic that perhaps the nausea won't last as long this time as it has in the past.

I like this thread! Thank you Elisheva for starting this thread.

I snap when I get annoyed and raise my voice. I used to shout (really shout) every Wednesday and spent the whole Thursday feeling bad about how badly I lost it b-H I havent done that for almost a year.

I've said really hurtful things to the kids mainly like stop touching me or go away from me, or go away, or you're annoying me or leave me alone. Its been a while since I've said this too though.
I've also said "I dont like you either" when the kids said it to me and similar things (I know thats very bad).
I've smacked ds 3 times total, once was when I had a tooth pain and had to have an emergency tooth removal done. The other two was this past week (or the last 2 weeks). I didnt smack him hard though but wanted to see if it would work quicker then what I was doing, it didnt really.
I once smacked Eidele across the cheek in my sleep. She was sleeping and I dont know what I dreamt but I woke up (not completely I think though) and smacked her and then woke up properly when I'd done it and she cried. Other then that I havent smacked her.
I can get pretty sarcastic when I get annoyed. I have many times chosen the easy route because I didnt have the energy for a fight.
In my first trimester with dd, ds watched tv the whole morning and part of the afternoon if memory serves.
They routinely watch tv for 2-3 hours a day.
I swear as well and the kids have repeated it without really knowing that its bad words. I say things like bl**dy h*ll, and cr*p and a few times the dreaded f word.
When I am really angry I might go into a different room (where the kids cant hear me and swear at the kids and say things like stupid and idiot. I only do this when I know the kids cant hear and then breathe and ask for help and go back to the kids.

These days, I'll take the computer with me to the toilet and tell them I'm using the toilet and need privacy when I need to get away, so they'll probably grow up thinking I have some sort of toilet issues.

If I am really tired I'll stay asleep so I either move to the couch or the kids come into the bedroom and play around me or just play. Dh gives them breakfast or I give them breakfast and go back to sleep.

I snap at dh too but have been better with this too.

Where to begin?

With the fact that I am the person most likely to pay the swear-word fine we have in the house? (The fine was instituted to help me speak more appropriately. Sad, but true).

That unless my dh is travelling, I tend to forget to plan meals?

That I struggle with emotional availability? (Yes, there's a connection between that and meals).

Oh, and I have decided that Say Yes to the Dress on youtube is educational television. But I cap it at 1 or 2 episodes every few days.

Yeah, I swear. I've gotten somewhat better and the kids have never said the F word in public so...I also do the thing chavs described where I turn away and mouth not-nice things to the children. I also have what I call "body independence time" where I tell the children they can sit near me but not on me. I have a thing about too much touching.

Oh, and the day we discovered there were at least 20 free episodes each of Fireman Sam and Postman Pat on youtube was possibly the best day of my life.


from my kids: :panic :panic :lurk :lurk :panic

Gosh, its so good to hear!

I find it amazing (not in a good way) how much anger I can feel at my children a times, it isnt logical to me how I can become so angry with them (I mean really, really angry!), they are so small, yet they can really bring out strong emotions in me.

Totally OT, I think, but - Postman Pat AND Fireman Sam - ooh!
I miss them both - watched them with my baby siblings (OK, my sibs aren't babies, but they were when I was a teenager and I did lots with them). There were a couple of Postman Pat videos in the library when my oldest 2 were toddlers/preschoolers, but since we moved we've done without. Can't wait to show my 2yo Postman Pat, and put her special plates into context (we have 2 dishes with PP on them).
I guess this isn't totally OT when I admit to using videos way too much with dd2, especially since becoming pg. Yet, at the same time we are reducing the amount of media time the boys are getting (dd1 got an ipod touch for her bat mitzva, and has been exploring it a lot).
And yet, of the things dd2 could be exposed to, I think much of what she watches is helpful for her to explore her place in the world - Caillou, Poko, Barney (I don't like Barney, but she does!). I think Postman Pat and Fireman Sam are great examples of community responsibility, and show middos in a way that preschoolers really understand. (And I pine for the English/Welsh countryside - sigh!)

We are anglophiles around here. And the above is true except for Norman (F.S.) who is a little brat ;) I adore Postman Pat, though. My ds5.5 still watches and loves it. Kipper the Dog is another English cartoon on youtube (10 min episodes) and is great - quiet, simple, focus on friendship and imagination.

Norman is good for showing kids that there are others out there who don't behave well, and the adults don't like that behaviour. Haven't got a good enough recall to remember how the other kids relate to him, or deal with him, but very good as a conversation starter for dealing with peers who don't behave appropriately.
Kipper is good, too - I think we had a couple on video that my mil taped from the TV for us.

Fireman Sam, natch.

ds7 could write a book called "Everything I needed to know I learned from the Simpsons"

All 21 years of it... and he's only 8

I get touched out, particularly with my son. It's hard not to say, "Get off me," when he's clinging, pulling my sheitel off and sweaty. The hurt look he gives makes me feel awful and I usually pull him back in.

I'm overly critical of DH, particularly when it comes to romantic things, like gifts or special anniversaries and such. He tries, but the poor guy just isn't wired that way and I always get upset and then bring up previous times it's happened. Then he feels awful. Not good.

I often overly favor our daughter. She has always been the "easy" child. I try to balance it, but then the clinging by ds starts up again. It's getting better as I've tried to catch him before he starts the clinging and proactively hug him and cuddle with him. I have to remind myself that he's still a little boy, even though at 8 he seems so mature. I still often lose patience with him and I know I'll regret it when he's bigger and no longer wants to be near me.

I fed the kids doughnuts for breakfast this morning.

That's about all I can think of right now...but mostly I feel like we're too hard on ds and don't give him enough affection. He really is a great little guy. :sigh

I like cooking, but dislike being responsible for meals 3x/day, 7 days/week. I've been known to respond to "what's for lunch?" by saying "forage!" My kids also eat too much junk.

When dd#1 was a baby, I never let my co-workers at Children's Aid into my apartment, even when they were picking me up. I had read too many affidavits describing filthy homes, and didn't want anyone to report me.

My issues with bus counsellors for Lubavitch Day Camp:

1. The first time they called asking for "Mr. or Mrs. K", I assumed that it was a telemarketer and was pretty rude with a "sorrywe'renotinterested" before she stammered "...but, but, but I'm the bus counsellor from Lubavitch camp!"

2. Next, I forgot about the note home that said that camp would end early for the fast of the 17th of Tammuz. I was out shopping when I got a call from my dad (the emergency contact) and had to go retrieving my sadly forgotten 4 yo. Then, I had to get a call from the same bus counsellor, who was fasting and hysterical with concern.

3. The next year, dd1 returned to the same camp, and I had a newborn. I got chewed up for taking to long to answer the door while I was nursing the baby. After that, I started to nurse on my front porch, and tended to greet the bus counsellor with a baby hanging off the boob.

I often forget to pick up kids from whatever activity they're at.

They all have cell phones now, even the little one, which helps. So I get: "Mommy, pick me up, please", and don't have to worry about remember who's where when and why.

At least I more or less have a clue. DH has been sent to pick up X or Y and went to the wrong place, like where they had gym 3 years earlier.

I don't think they take it personally. I hope. Probably. I should ask. Not that it will change anything.

Thanks for the heads up on Postman Pat - never heard of this program before but the fifteen minute segment we just watched kept me feeling like I was going to strangle one of my littles if I had to look or listen to them for even one more second.

It's been that kind of day...

My 2yo asked for more, and more... (and I let her!). She wasn't as excited about Fireman Sam - I think it was a little too sophisticated for her.

Shut up! ;) The Simpsons started when I was in high school and has NOT been on for 21 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


:panic :panic

"Postman PAt, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat..."

We're sitting around watching Milo and Otis (ethical treatment of animals aside...) while we wait for the baby to wake up so we can go to our homeschool playdate.

Oh, are there *any* Disney movies where one of the parents isn't dead?

Mulan has 2 living parents.

Tangled. Great movie. The mother character, played by Susan Sarandon, in probably her best role ever, is a gem of a metaphor for manipulative parenting. I'd love to hear the Neufeldians' take on her...

Not for small kids.

But Pixar movies are the best! Toy Story 1,2,3, Bugs Life, Monsters Inc, WallE, Finding Nemo, Up ... there's a reason they keep getting Oscars

Uh huh

And still going strong.

Last year, they went to Israel. Bart was beaten up by a girl who knew "Krav Maga". It was a moment.

But what it means to you is that however old you were in high school, that's how old you still are because The Simpsons are still on.

See?

:shades

Susan Sarandon is the evil witch in Enchanted, while Donna Murphy plays Mother Gotha (the evil mother character) in Tangled. Just, you know, if it comes up in Trivial Pursuit. :)

I swatted mine on the bottom the other day because he kicked me in the stomach. Repeatedly. Bad enough that my MW noticed a HUGE BRUISE and was VERY concerned. We both BAWLED afterwards because I felt (and still do) like the worst mother ever for that one. We do NOT normally do spanking at ALL because I hated what my parents did to me.

He watches futurama and Dr Who.

I also let him have a lollypop today.

He also watches entirely too much Sesame Street.

But I refuse to let him watch ANY disney because I personally CANNOT STAND DISNEY MOVIES. Poor child is not going to be caught up with his peers.... :haha

Heh. I guess that explains why I thought it was so good. Susan Sarandon would have probably taken it over the line of believably caring and into just plain dysfunctional