Advice?

[Spirit Dancer]

Alright, most of you know I'm seeing the most amazing person ever. Well, maybe not most of you. But I've posted about it and my relationship a few times.

Anyways. Last week, I was home when my lover texted me. They were taking a break from Flag practice, and were talking with their ex-girlfriend (who I'm still iffy with, especially after what happened). They told me, after talking with their ex, they realized that their relationship didn't have any closure. It ended abruptly, and horribly at that, since I was there to help pick up the broken pieces and mend them back together.

So I responded with, "Okay...And?" and they asked me if I'd get mad if they did something. I asked what, and they were very vague - all the said is that it would involved some physicality. Wary about it, I gave my consent.

Within a hour of that, (warning bells should of gone off, but they didn't. Call me selfless, I guess), they texted me back apologizing profusely. I asked what happened, and they gave me details. By then I was very upset and crying - which freaked my lover out, because they've never seen me cry nor heard of me crying. Ever. I won't detail to what happened between them and their ex, but it was bad enough to make me extremely upset.

They did, however, redeem themselves slightly by saying it didn't go very far because when things started getting too heavy, they thought of me and how upset I would be, and stopped it. They dug a deeper hole, though, by saying they enjoyed what happened between them and their ex. That hurt me worse than knowing what happened. Because, unfortunately, I'm an extremely insecure person. It was like telling me that I wasn't good enough, even if they love me.

So it's been a week since that's happened. I've forgiven, because it needed to be done so we could go on in our relationship, but I can't forget. It hurt way too much to forget, and it hurts when we drag it up. Since either I drag it up while we're playing a questioning game, or they bring it up as an example for something.

What do I do? D: How do I get past this?

Sorry for the epically long complaint/rant-ish thing. XD I just need some help. And don't say dumping them is my best bet. Because leaving them doesn't feel like it's the right solution. It feels like the easy way out of this, without even trying.

[sassaboo]

Alright well first thing (and remember this all just my opinion) is that, I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat it. It WILL still hurt, and it probably will for quite some time. Dunno how long, but over time it will be just thought of as something in the past.

I think the best thing to do is talk about it with them, even though it will be awkward, difficult and something your not gonna wanna do cuz it may hurt your feelings. But let them know that it does hurt you so much, and it hurt you because you trusted them I'm sure. You trusted them not to do something like that, and they did it anyways. Let them know that you actually didn't understand what they meant when they 'asked for your permission'. You can't just ask to cheat on somebody. (which in what this sounds like, is what it was in my opinion, even though it didn't go far). And it may take a while for that trust to rebuild, and they will have to work for it to earn it. Kudos to them realizing they might hurt you and putting a stop to it, cuz that looks like a sign that they do care (either that or they are afraid to get the crap beat outta them, lol)...

So, long story short, just talk with them about it. It'll probably happen eventually because you'll be thinking about it and they might be too. Even if it is awkward and hard to talk about it I think it's whats best. Then come up with a solution together, even if its the whole rebuilding of trust thing. But, like I said, all this is just my opinion.

Then if things don't go well after that, try taking a break. I'm not saying never see each other ever again if you don't want too, because a lot of relationships break up at least once, then end up back together. But overall just wait and see how it all plays out, I'm not the best person to really ask about this cuz I don't have much of my own experience with relationships (I'm a big loser apparently, lol) but I've seen several friends go through it and its just like, a big hill that you gotta climb up to get over it. Which may take a while, hope it helps =)