Alien Earth Review Topic

[MDHall]

I'm afraid to say much more as it kind of gives away a big spoiler about the third act, but I will say this: yes, if the blasts were strong enough to wipe out the oceans they would have been incinerated. A hangar and a parking garage wouldn't be enough to protect them. But look back at Chapter 2, when Daniel hears a news story about the sea levels falling at unusual rates. Basically, the oceans were already going away before the blasts, so the blasts weren't quite as powerful as you might think: they wouldn't be able to wipe out the oceans on their own. As to WHY the oceans were going away, that's part of the spoiler for later. Hopefully this explains it for now.

[JPDinolover]

Interesting. A little tidbit of what's to come. Can't wait!

[MDHall]

Greetings, Earthlings.

After thinking a bit about my plans for this story, I realized that I didn't spend a lot of time with Carol. Okay, that's an understatement: I spent practically zilch time with Carol. If Daniel's whole goal in the story is to get back to her, I want the reader to understand why, and currently the only reasons are told rather than shown, as we don't know really anything about her. But I didn't want to show where Carol is at this point after the invasion, as I want to keep the twist of that hidden for now. So I was kinda stuck, as you can see.

My solution? Switch to Carol's perspective, change where she is, and divide the story into parts. The end of the currently last chapter is the end of Part 1. Part 2 is going to be from Carol's perspective. I'll go back to Daniel in Part 3, and then Part 4 will be the climax.

Part 2 will also focus more on the White Ones. The Yjo fauna shown in the "Creatures of Alien Earth" topic will be mainly in Part 3. I want the White One's power to be shown personally as well as globally, so they as individuals will be here.

Comprendo, amigos?

[Firehawke]

Sounds like a great idea! Hope it goes well!

[JPDinolover]

Interesting solution. Seems like it'll work out well. Can't wait!

[MDHall]

Well, I decided against using parts, as I thought following Carol and showing where she was would ruin the suspense of what happened to her and where they're going. So, I'll just write some more of her character at the beginning, before the invasion. I think that's the best way to do it.

For now, next chapter posted.

[Firehawke]

At least you realized it before you got a lot of it done!
Good luck!

[JPDinolover]

Good chapter. Very suspenseful. I was sure they were going to die. I wonder why the White One didn't just blow up the plane... Can't wait to find out! Good work as usual.

[MDHall]

Yep, there's a reason for it. (besides needing to keep the main characters alive for now. )

Next chapter posted.

[JPDinolover]

Huh. Plot twist! Didn't expect that.... Guess you've made some changes. Look forward to more.

[MDHall]

Changes? I've always planned this. It serves a pretty big purpose in the story, and if you want to know, highlight, as it's kind of a spoiler: [spoiler]It's foreshadowing.[/spoiler]

Thanks, BTW.

[AEP: E.E.F. Freak]

Finally managed to catch myself back up, but for fear of overwhelming you with all of the things that I spent great detail on editing for you, I will merely leave a couple of overriding themes here.

-- You have these brilliant descriptions of a "post-apocalyptic" world, but you need to make sure that those are realistic. The biggest offender of this is when the plane is 6.5 miles in air, yet they can see how many cracks are littering the bed of what was Lake Michigan.

-- Lots of your sentences are composed awkwardly, and would be fixed with merely changing the word order. Look those over again and it will help you.

-- Make sure the practical aspect of this adventure is always kept close to the characters. For example, if the group finds multiple flashlights on the plane, why after Daniel lost his did nobody decide to use a different flashlight to distract the larger beast?

A couple of other things I noticed, but just make sure to have a story that will draw all of us in. Judging from the comments here, you have done a great job of that thus far.

Enjoy!

AEPEEFF

[MDHall]

Oh, AEP, you're such a natural editor. (Seriously, do you mentally edit things in actual books too? ) But I appreciate it. I'll get to the edits. Thanks.

[AEP: E.E.F. Freak]

You don't know the half of it! But I'd like to think I am, because it's another possible career option... More practical than music, right?



AEPEEFF

[Firehawke]

Enjoyed the newest chapter...can't wait to see what the hideout is like!

[MDHall]

Okay, sorry that took longer than expected. Next chapter posted. Thanks, everyone.

[JPDinolover]

So Adrian's the villian. Well, sort of. I don't know what you have planned for him, but he's pretty secretive. Nice chapter, although I'm wondering why Mr. Boyle is so willing to go along with Daniel across the Atlantic without a second thought... For the sake of his family, wouldn't he rather stay with the survivors?

[MDHall]

He's not THE villain, but he's a villainous character, yes. As for Mr. Boyle, yeah, I probably should have made it more clear, but he doesn't trust Adrian either, although later the idea of staying there will seem awfully tempting... (until they figure out Adrian's true nature anyway)

[Firehawke]

Good descriptions and dialogue! Can't wait for more!