Weakness, Addison

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark was back sitting at his desk in his office after sitting on the stairs for what seemed like hours holding onto the results from his latest lab work.He was no longer in remission Dr. Grayson had told him and his prognosis was poor.Mark had sat and talked to Jacob until he had to go to Jenni's OBGYN appointment.Mark had insisted that Jacob not say anything to Addison because Mark wanted to tell her himself.He needed to be able to tell her himself.

Mark had paged Addison to come to his office as soon as she was finished with the appointment.He wanted to just run,but then he remembered how lonely it was when she nor Derek knew that he was sick and he was in New York getting treatment.He knew that he needed Addison's love and support throughout the treatments.He knew that he didn't want the kids to be kept in the dark.He wanted them to know the truth about him and how sick he was.

Mark's slate colored eyes stayed on his sheet of paper that Dr. Grayson had given him.On it in block letters it said PROGNOSIS-POOR.That was enough to send Mark over the edge into devastation and disappointment.He had hoped so much that he was going to be able to beat this without having to go through it all over again.

He needed to see Addison and talk to her.He knew she would be upset and crying and Mark hated having to do that to her.Mark knew that if he just left and walked out of Addiosn's and his kid's lives that he would regret it.Addison would hate him for not trusting that she could handle this and leaving her.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

Addison got the page and smiled. Yea, she had noticed Mark's funky attitude lately, but she let it slide. She thought that maybe, being so excited and all the wedding planning was overwhelming him, so maybe that was all it was. After her appointment, she placed back her ring on her finger and walked out of the patient's room. She had taken it out because she had been delivering a baby naturally and she couldn't stick her hand in with a ring on her finger.

When she walked into Mark's office, she was beaming happily. Just the thought of him, made Addie's day a whole lot better. "Hey baby." Addie came in, went straight to sit on his lap and failing completely to notice his demenour. Her arms immediately linked behind his neck and she kissed hm so passionately. She had to admit she was a little turned on and if she were completely honest, she wanted sex right now. Of course, since Mark had gone into remission, the two of them had been at it like rabitts. Too bad her world was about to come crashing down in a matter of seconds.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark looked up and attempted a smile as Addison walked in.Mark could tell that Addison clearly thought that he had paged her for sex.Mark didn't make a sound when Addison sat on his lap.When she kissed him,Mark kissed her back softly,but then pulled his lips off of hers.He needed to talk to her and kissing her was the best way to distract him and right now Mark didn't need to be distracted.He rested his forehead against hers and whispered"It's back baby and the prognosis is not good at all."Mark didn't want her to read it off the paper.He wanted to be the one to tell her.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

Addison made a whinny noise when he pulled his lips from her. God, she wanted her soon to be husband so badly. Except now he was telling her it was back. Her sexy little smirk, the glint of mischief in her eyes, the sexual desire to have him... all of it went away and a rush or everything bad came back.

"No." Addison whispered with tears in her eyes. She pealed herself away from him and grabbed his trash can just in time to return the breakfast he had lovingly prepared for the kids and the two of them this morning.

After cleaning herself, Addie's eyes were already red. "No! No! It can't be back, Mark. There must be some kind of mistake. Maybe they mixed your results with someone else's." Addison was crying now. Every bit of her body screamed fragileness. Like she could break with even just a wrong look. "It can't be back, Mark. We're supposed to be getting married in six weeks. The kids... they were so happy... We were finally doing so good. Mark, this can't be happening to us... not again... Please tell me this is a joke, a mistake, a nightmare... tell me it's anything but the truth." Addison was hysterical now. Her mascara was running down her cheeks leaving it's tracks.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Marj hated this.He hated this so damn much.Addison deserved the world and right now he was crushing her world.Mark knew that Addison would be heartbroken and seeing her react like this made his heart break all over again.This time for her.Watching Addison puke up the breakfast that he had made for the five of them this morning was awful.Mark knew that Addison was going to have a tough time with all of this.When Addison started talking,Mark bit his lip"Dr. Grayson ran the tests 3 times to make absolutely sure."Mark whispered softly.He spoke softly again"I wish this wasn't happening to us baby.I was hoping that we would never have to deal with this again.I wish more than anything that it was a nightmare...I-I still want to marry you in six weeks even if I am bald and too weak to stand up at my own wedding."Mark was every bit as heartbroken as Addison was right now and his thoughts were of his kids and Serenity and his godchildren Shaun and Hazel.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

Addie quickly scrambled up and landed on his lap in her prior position, except she wasn't kissing him now. Her face was burried in his neck while she cried her eyes out. "I wanted... our wedding to be... perfect... and now... this thing is back... to ruin everything..." Addison cried like a baby.

She knew she was being selfish, but damnit, she was so tired of always being patient and not pushing it. And when things had finally become perfect for her, something had to give. She lifted her head and rested her forehead against his. "Don't you dare die on me this time around. I will never forgive you if you do." Addie warned him with a whispered threat.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Addison deserved perfection and Mark had never been able to give her that and that upset him.Addison could have any other guy in the world and she chose him.Mark held her body tightly in his arms when she came back to sit on his lap.When she pressed her forehead agaonst his and spoke to him,Mark attempted a smile and said"Well it won't matter to me because I'll be dead."Yes it was a joke said in bad taste,but Mark was scared and sometimes he said inappropriate things when he was scared.Mark knew that the kids would be scared too,but he wanted them to know the truth.It was important to him that they not shield the kids from what Mark was facing.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

Addison slapped his chest as a few more tears left her eyes. "Bad timming for a joke, Mark. I'm being serious. I don't know how well I can handle you dying on me. So don't!" Addie said sadly. She was dead afraid of losing Mark. He was right, she could have had anyone, but she chose him because he's the only one who could make her incredibly happy. "Do you want to tell the kids tonight or tomorrow, or when?" Addison asked. She also wanted to know what was the plan for this time around.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark should have known not to mess with her.That was really bad timing and Mark had known it the second he had spoken.Mark rubbed her back softly hoping that would calm her down a bit"I will do my best not to die on you."Mark whispered in her hair.When she mentioned the kids and when they should tell them,Mark sighed"I think we should tell them tonight.I don't want them finding out from anyone else other than us.I don't want to keep anything from them."Mark informed her,his voice shaking slightly.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

"Babe, we can tell them tomorrow night if you think you need a little more time. It doesn't really make much of a difference if they're told today or tomorrow." Addison told him. Hey, if he needed more time to digest this and to come to terms with it, Addie was all for waiting then. "I want us to have all the information before we tell the kids. I want to know what's the plan, what are our options. I want to know what we can expect the second time around. I want to know everything before we tell our three children." Addison said. Of course, she knew everything. She was a doctor. She worked with ovarian and cervix cancer patients regularly. She knew what to expect and everything else she was claiming she needed to know. Maybe it was her who needed the extra day or so to digest this.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

The second Mark heard Addison mention an extra day to digest this,Mark was sure that Addison was the one that needed the extra day.Mark just wanted to tell his kids as soon as possible because keeping a secret like this was going to be hell"Dr. Grayson wants me to start chemo next Monday.He wants to use the same cocktail as I was given the first go around.He said that they seemed to work well for me before and he wants to give them a shot again.Radiation won't work on this type of cancer.So the course of treatment is to give me the same cocktail of drugs that I was given before.I was in New York when I got treated last time and the pain that the drugs put me in was awful.These chemo drugs are extremely strong and they are far worse than the normal chemo drugs because this cancer is so aggressive."Mark explained.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

Addison just nodded her head. She felt the bile rising up again but she tried her hardest to control it for as long as she could. "Ok. Well, we'll do that. And I'll ask for my hours to be cut back again and I'll have someone else running the department with me. You know what? Screw it. I'm stepping down from Head of the OB/GYN and Neonatology Surgery Department and just taking the trickier cases. I want to spend as much time with you and our kids as I can. God forbid, but if something were to happen to you I don't want to feel gulty because I could have been there more." Addison said. She didn't care about anything other than Mark and their kids. Besides, it's not like they'd run out of money. That trust fund of hers could let her be without a job for quite a while and she could still keep her lifestyle.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

When Addison said that she was stepping down from head of OBGYN and Neonatal departments,Mark was shaking his head.He would not let her do that.He wanted everytbing around him to stay as normal as possible and having Addison step down was a huge sacrifice"No Addie.I will not let you make that kind of sacrifice for me.You love your job."Mark insisted.He knew that Addison was stubborn and not likely to listen to him,but she figured that he'd try to talk her out of stepping down at least.

[Dr. Addison Montgomery]

"I love you more. I love being with you and our kids so much more than I love my job. Besides, it can be a temporary thing. I can come back when you're better again." Addison said. She kissed his cheek. "I know what I'm doing. I know it's a huge thing. But I'd give up my job any day for you or for my kids and I don't have to think twice about it. Don't ask me to not give up my job because I will, whether you like it or not. You and the kids will need me a lot more again and I can't do that when I'm here being superwoman. I can't be your girlfriend, a mother and the head of my department when my sanity is hanging by a thread and pending on you waking up every morning. You have to let me be with you because I'll go insane if I'm in the OR thinking about how you are instead of my patient." Addison told him lovingly. "I need to do this. At least I need to do this while you go through the worst part of the treatment." Addison said.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Yes Mark had been right.Addison was too stubborn to stay at the head of her department while Mark underwent the treatments for this cancer.Mark knew better than to argue with her,so he dropped it and allowed her to do whatever she thought she needed to do"If you feel like you need to do this I will not stop you."Mark told Addison,brushing a piece of hair away from her face.Mark would do anything in the world for Addison and he knew she would do the same thing for him"It would probably be best if you stepped down.I wouldn't want you distracted in the O.R if I was up in Oncology getting my impatient treatment."That was the one thing that Mark hated.Until he was in remission again he had to stay in the hospital.