even when i'm lonely, mark

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

it had been over a week since jenni and nate had been discharged from hospital and jenni had had to come in to look at her scar and they wanted to weigh and check that nate was developing as he should. since he had still been born early even if he had been born healthy and perfect in so many ways. so it seemed like jacob had taken that to his advantage and decided to paint the hallway upstairs. but it also meant that because of the fumes and toxins in the paint, nate couldn't be around for a while so she had to try and stay at the hospital. she had no idea what to do because as soon as she got talking to someone, their pager seemed to go and she ended up alone. she wanted someone just to sit down and talk to. looking around her, she noticed that most of the people in the cafeteria now seemed to be the new interns which jenni hadn't met and other doctors that she didn't know. every single table but the one that she was sat on had been taken.

looking down at her salad before she looked down at nate who was in his baby carrier, fast asleep after being fussed over by the nurses for almost an hour, he was more than tired. stabbing her fork into her salad, she hadn't been eating that great since everything had happened with mark and it really hadn't been that hard for her pregnancy weight to slowly but surely come off her body. she was surprised how quickly she seemed to be loosing the weight but she didn't care. "i hate this." she muttered to herself, pushing the salad away from her and into the middle of the table. she just wanted to go home and lay on the floor with nate sleeping on the play mat, it was her favourite thing to do at the moment.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark's newest chemo regime meant that he was on chemo two weeks and then off of it one week.This week he was off of it and he was allowed to walk around.Mark hadn't been able to keep much down lately.The only thing that seemed to work was lime jello.He could eat that by the tons.It made no sense to anyone else,but the coldness tasted good on his mouth sores.He was stuck in a wheelchair whenever he left his room though.

Mark decided to roll down to the cafeteria to get himself some jello.Besides he was going stir crazy in his hospital bedroom.He needed a change of scenery even if was the hospital cafeteria that was known for really awful food.Mark hadn't slept well since the whole Jenni thing haf happened.Of course he lied to his wife and said that he was just unable to sleep in the hospital.She accepted that.Probably because it was uncomfortable to sleep in the hospital.

After Mark had gotten his lime green jello he looked around for a table.His heart sank when he realized the only table free was Jenni's.Mark knew that he couldn't avoid her for the rest of his life so he rolled his clunky hospital wheelchair over to her table and once he got there,he put the breaks on.It was then that he noticed Nate was there.Even the presence of Nate wasn't enough to make Mark want to talk to the woman who had broken his heart.He wasn't that desperate.He just stabbled rather violently at his green jello and did not speak to Jenni even though he knew she was there.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni had noticed mark out of the corner of her eye, she wasn't stupid but she also knew that he didn't want to talk to her. he would more than likely just want to sit there in silence and with a lot of awkwardness around them. she was about to reach into her bag to grab a magazine until she heard something come into contact with what she guessed was jello. looking over at him quickly, she worked out what it was, yup, that was aimed at her, it was more than obvious to her. finally getting her magazine, she flipped to the last page she was on before pulling her bag up and looked around for her glasses, slipping the thick black rimmed ones on before she went back to reading the magazine. "the jello sucks today." she mumbled, the jello sucked everyday but she was just trying to not make it suspicious to everyone else that they weren't talking. and it would also explain the untouched salad that was in the middle of the table. she really wanted to eat something but everytime she had something put infront of her, she didn't want it anymore.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Yes he was stabbing the jello to repesent being being stabbed in the heart by Jenni.Mark had a feeling that Jenni got the symbolism and seriously Mark didn't care.He had been so heartbroken by her saying the things that she had said.Mark wished he had had work to throw himself into but he didn't.So Mark focused on his marriage and getting that back on track.Mark knew it was going to be awhile but he was willing to work on it.When Jenni spoke,Mark glared at her"Well it's the only thing I can choke down that doesn't set my mouth sores on fire."Mark informed her coolly.Mark couldn't believe how uncomfortable things were between them whereas a week ago they couldn't keep their lips off of each other.He was quite greatful that no one else ever found out about the whole thing and all he wanted to do was forget about it.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni looked back at him, raising her eyebrow which just showed above the frame of her glasses when she noticed his glare. she knew that certain foods were going to help him, she had been through it a lot but you had to learn little tricks to get around things like that. not that she was going to share them with him when he was being like that with her. looking back down at nate, she couldn't help but smile as she watched his little chest rise and fall, he looked so peaceful, he couldn't pick up on the awkwardness and she wished that she could be like that. "i was just stating a fact." she muttered back, flicking over the page in her magazine, almost having a heart attack at the prices on the clothes that were on the page. she could never afford them with full pay never mind now. mind she was sure that if mark or addison wanted something like that they wouldn't even think twice about being able to afford it. flicking past the fashion section, which took her well past half way through the magazine.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark had tired other things and other things just didn't work.He couldn't choke much of anything down and the lime jello tasted good.He didn't feel as though he had to justify his choices of food,especially not to Jenni.He kept stabbing at the jello,breaking it up into small pieces so he could swallow it easier.He looked over at Nate who was looking more and more like Jacob every time Mark saw him.He turned his eyes back to his jello cup and muttered"Well you keep your facts to yourself.I don't need you imparting your so called wisdom."If Mark had never known that Jenni supposedly loved him,he never would have risked his heart and told her that he loved her too.She should have kept her mouth shut.Then Mark would be able to look at her without feeling conflicting thoughts running through him.Half of him wanted to strangle her and the other half wanted to kiss her until her lips were swollen aagain.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni looked at him when he spoke, rolling her eyes slightly before she looked down at the magazine, feeling depressed when the rest of it was about sex and the rest was the fashion was out of her league in so many ways. putting the magazine down on the table with thump, she looked down at the ring on her finger before she heard a cry coming from nate. quickly moving her chair, she undone nate from the chair before picking him up and rubbing his back softly. she knew that he wasn't hungry since she had just fed him and he was burped fully and she could tell he didn't need changing. "shh. mr fussy." she whispered softly, pressing a kiss against her son's cheek, making sure that she was supporting him fully. she hated the awkwardness that was flowing across this table, she hated that she had made him like this, that she had made this happen. but he didn't seem to understand what she had been trying to say to him but she knew that it was stupid trying to explain it to him now because he wasn't going to take it.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

The awkwardness around the table was awful.Mark knew it would be but he had no idea how awkward it really was.Now he knew that it would be more awkward than any other situation that he had been put in,in a long time.He watched her out of the corner of his eye and when she put the magazine down and picked up Nate,Mark's gaze softened.She may have been a horrible person in his mind but she was still a good mother to Nate and that was all that mattered right now"He uh looks a lot like Jacob."Mark commented,swallowing the not so nice words that he wanted to say to Jenni.He had been too nice that day but that was onlt because he couldn't acvtually bring himself to say words that were harsher than that.Not matter how angry at her he was,he wasn't going to call her anything worse than manipulative bitch.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni looked at him when he spoke, pressing her cheek against the top of nate's head, she thought that he was slowly starting to look more like herself but maybe that was just in her mind. keeping support of her son's neck, he still felt small when she held him in her arms but she was so surprised over how much he had grown since he had been born. it was crazy. she didn't think that babies grew this fast. "i think he's starting to look more like me." she told him, looking over at mark and flashing him a small smile before she turned her attention to her son. feeling him snuggle into her neck, she smiled as she took in his milky sent, it got to her so badly, it took over every part of her body and she fell in love with her son more than she thought was possible. she didn't think she could love him anymore but she found a way to do so. "but maybe that is just in my mind." she told him, her eyes looking over at him, she knew that she had hurt him more than anyone deserved to be hurt but she didn't do it on purpose, she didn't set out to hurt him.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark didn't care if she had meant to hurt him.He saw things in black and white.Either it's wrong or it's right and this case it was oh so wrong.She had hurt him and that was wrong.Mark still couldn't believe that he hadn't seen right through her and realized that she was playing him.She was one of a few people who got him so well that it was scary.Mark wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to completely forgive her for what she had done to him,but he knew he couldn't act hateful to her in front of their partners.Mark didn't want Jacob or Addison to suspect anything.When Jenni said that she thought Nate looked more like her,Mark shook his head"Nope it's your mind playing tricks on you again.He is defintely looking more and more like Jacob."Mark told her.For the first time,Mark finally noticed the engagement ring.So apparently he was not the only one back to wearing their rings.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni glared at him slightly when he spoke, having a feeling that nate had fallen fast asleep on her neck, he would always wake up for a bit, cry and then go back to sleep. he always seemed to be woken up by the smallest thing at the moment which made a lot for sleepless nights. it was also a good excuse to have nate between herself and jacob in the bed. jacob hadn't seemed to question why jenni had been awkward at times, it seemed to go over him like it was nothing. "as long as he's happy, i don't care who he looks like." she whispered, but she was hoping that he would keep her eye and hair color, his hair color was starting to look more like jenni's natural hair color. even if she had already dyed it back to a pure blond rather than the dirty blond color she really was. pressing a kiss against the top of his head, she pulled him slowly away from her, looking at her son's features, he was fast asleep again. placing him back down in his carrier and fastening him back in. as much as she loved holding him, she loved being able to look at him, she could sit and look at him for hours on end and never get bored.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark couldn't believe that she was glaring at him.Especially with all of the crap that she pulled with him.Mark had every right to glare right back at her and that was what he did.He glared back her when she spoke.Even though there was no reason to glare at her,Mark did it anyway"He's healthy.I'm not even a pediatrician and I can tell you that."Mark told Jenni with a roll of his eyes.New mothers were always so paranoid and that made Mark very greatful that he hardly ever had to deal with newborn babies unless they had a facial deformity and then parents had a right to worry and be paranoid.Mark looked at his ring and asked"How's Jacob doing with the whole father thing?"Mark was trying to swallow his pride and talk to Jenni as if she were still his friend and she hadn't figuratively stomped on his heart.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni knew that nate was healthy, he had been fine for this check-up, he was the right weight and height for what he should be. she wasn't worried about anything like that, she just wanted to make sure that no matter what, her son was happy. she had no idea how she was going to manage but things weren't as hard as she thought they were going to be, she was just tired but every new parent had to feel that way and she felt like she was always washing and cleaning everything. most of the time she looked like hell because she was covered in spit up and other things that weren't very nice. as he questioned her about jacob, she looked up at him slightly confused over why he was asking about him. "good, not so good getting up in the middle of the night but i don't mind." she explained, he was better during the middle of the day but she would end up waking up in the middle of the night if jacob got up with him or not so she might as well do it. it felt like he had been running around like crazy, they underestimated how many clothes they would need for him and several other things so it was a rush to carry on getting things for him.

[Dr. Mark Sloan]

Mark hadn't seen Jacob in a really long time so he felt like he needed to know how Jacob was.Mark had been stuck up on the Oncology floor way too long and he felt removed from all of the gossip and different happenings in the hospital.Mark listened to Jenni and nodded along with her comments.Somehow Mark wasn't surproised that Jacob wasn't very good with the middle of the night stuff.After being a doctor all day he probably needed sleep"I haven't seen Jacob in over a month.Is it weird that I am asking about him now?"Mark asked curiously.Maybe it was weird to all of a sudden be asking about Jacob.Mark was just trying to make conversation right now and Jacob was at least a pretty safe topic.

[Dr. Jenni Thompson]

jenni looked at him when he spoke, shaking her head after a few seconds because it wasn't, they had been close before jenni had come along and seemed to fuck up everything in everyone's perfect little life. she hated herself so much at the moment, she couldn't explain it to anyone how much she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole and never spit her back out again for years and years. "no, he's been off since nate was born anyway so he hasn't been in the hospital for a while." she explained to him, she had a feeling it had been easy for mark to be out of the loop and it was horrible, jenni had hated being away from everything that had been going on, as much as she hated gossip, she liked knowing what other people were doing, she was nosy in that sense but she hated gossip about her getting spread. "how you feeling?" she asked, she meant over the cancer and things like that but she had a feeling he would get in a comment over what she had done, maybe to make her feel even worse than she already was.