Michaels Thought Dumpster

First of all thought i would go with a funny name to just try to stay positive .


For the last week i have been having alot of pressure to get models/clients in the salon or i will get canned . i understand where there coming from but since i have started there they have given me 2 clients which is cool but its a two way street why should i get them ppl if there not gonna help me ?
it has caused alot of frustration on my part and i have basically stopped eating during the day till atleast dinner time . i try eating lunch but im just soo stressed at work i cant .

im starting to get really tired and really weak again and my boyfriend is getting really concerned , he keeps telling me im getting too skinny again but i just don't see it but im sure hes right because my clothes are getting baggy again .

BUT aside from all this badness going on there are some positives going on i have started going to the tanning beds again ( i know skin cancer blah blah blah please dont) its really helping me with my seasonal depression because when you live in Vancouver you really dont see the sun that often and it has given me like really fantastic skin so my self confidence is actually going back up a bit .

Another fantastic thing going on is that well my boyfriend and i's work schedules are so completely different that i wake up with him beside me in the morning and its the only time i see him half the time , which was totally draining the relationship and we were growing distant . but lately we have gotten a couple days together and well the spark is back .l i was actually trying to start this when he grabbed me and started kissing me . . . i don't think i need to go farther with that one but i didn't get time to get back to this for atleast a couple days lol . its just soo exciting to see him still interested in me because i was soo sure we were on our way to splits ville and now it looks like that will not be happening .

And finally . .i actually have money in my savings lol . . i know it sounds like no big deal but im a horrible shopaholic so its impressive to me that were actually saving money so our dream to move toronto in sept wont be a dream it will actually be a reality .

well this is just for tonight im sure something tomorrow will piss me off and i will have another one .

I can see where you're coming from with the work issue,
but you do need to try & eat during the day to keep your strength up
even if its just something small.
Im sure your boyfriend is worried about you because he loves you.

Im so happy for you & your boyfriend & wll done with your avings.
Im the same in the last month ive really managed to save up,im a huge shopaholic too.

aww thanks Stacie


alrighty so im gonna start this with two things , one i still have a job and two . . has the forum always been pink ? i love it but i was like wtf ? am i really this unobservant ? now on with it . . .

lately i've been really hot and cold , one mintue im all happy go lucky and the next i could curl up in a ball and cry for hours . i think its this weather . . . we never have sun its always rain or just cloudy ( although for the last couple days its been snow which is really really weird for Vancouver ) my parents cant figure out why i want to move to Toronto so bad and so far its the weather that's attracting me the most . like yea its cold , and yes it snows alot but for fucks sake at least they get sun light . . we can go months with out it its really depressing . right now my parents are flat out refusing to talk about it and its really warring me out because were moving in august and it retrospect that's not that far away ; im sure there gonna be kicking themselves when the time comes and im getting on the plan to leave and they didn't bother spending extra time with me or mentally preparing themselves for it because when im gone . . im not coming back , i'll only be coming for visits but that's about it .

And if that was enough my parents got a letter saying i was going to collections because there was a f up when i moved and students loans and revenue Canada didn't get my forwarding adress so i had to call them while i was at work and spend 2 hours sorting through all the crap to get things worked out , so my credit rating is already bad . . .and i dont even have any . . .( please explain that to me ya'll)

AND finally me and the boy spent an entire day cleaning the entire apartment and told our roommate it has to stay this way and for her to immediately take care of her dishes and to put the coffee table back . she has yet or at all to do either this morning she left a cutting bored , orange peels , a knife out and left the coffee table pushed over . . .i swear to god im gonna strangle her to death . i know its the littlest things but im like obsessive compulsive i need every thing in its place . . if its not i go crazy , i get anxiety and moody and . . kinda depressed . .its sooo irritating . i ended up telling her today that if she dosnt take care of her dishes and stuff like that im gonna start sticking them in her shower ( we have our own bathrooms) lets just say that didnt go well . . . i have a feeling im gonna be on the news .

yep the site has always been pink lol.

I can understand where you're coming from with your flat mate. Mine is the same & she has a habit of either moving my stuff or throwing it away without asking me or telling me first so ewhen i come to use it its not there!

well done with keeping your job

Are your parents not being helpful for you at all?
have you tried talking to them?

Hey hun,

yep always been pink! Lol

It annoys me when my housemates leave crap out or do stupid stuff. 2 of them always bang the door when they leave on a morning, even if it's like 6am, really winds me up!

The weather is pretty depressing. It's very rarely sunny in the UK and where I live it rains aaaaaall the time! It rained when I got married in August which annoyed me, I mean it's summer ffs! Lol!

well kiss my grits . . guess i truly am not observant because i thought the pink was new . that's crap that your flat mate throws your stuff away stacie . . i would soo flip out if i was you . not gonna lie lucy i totally looked through your wedding pics on fb *blush* you tow were truly breath taking

so i decided that im gonna respond to every replay at the beginning of each blog just to let you guys know


alright lets see . . .well my roommate struck again i was getting ready for work and i was completely ready kissed the boy and went out into the rest of the condo to make lunch and go when i see a total stranger sleeping on my couch . . now to paint a picture my roommate . . is a dirty hippie/ska girl . . and her friends basically look like homeless ppl . lets say i was less then impressed with this . i don't mind if she has a friend crash over but for god sakes tell us first ! i don't trust her friends at all , in fact while writing this statment i have actually gone to check to make sure all my shit was still in the living room. theres this really gross smell to the place right now . .you can tell someone who was a lil less than hygienic has been sleeping out there . i have febreezed the place twice now and it wont go away ! any recommendations on how to get the smell of dirt balls out ? this whole experience has made me realize . . im actually vary conservative about my home and how things are . .quite the shocker for me .

So it seems every time i pass some form of drama new drama starts up .
a old flame of mines is moving away in a week and he wants to get together with me . . . but its more like hook up and its like one i have a bf and two your moving in with your girlfriend . To give you a little history lesson about what this relationship was like we have to go back to when i was 17, he dated a really good girl friend of mine and they spilt up because he cheated on her ; now i had no idea about this because i was new to this group of friends and only knew a few people ( basically 3 out of 20) i figured i was gonna stay out of it all and be neutral but some how things got nasty again . he started hitting on me at a party one day and i was like " dude your sarahs ex and shes my friend . . . " next thing i know were making out . this carried on for months we'd go to partys and he would feel me up and makeing out with me but then ditch me , twice he would start making out with other girls or guys infront of me . i remember one time we were making out in my buddys backyard and he said he had to pee and would be right back . . i sat out there on a blanket for 2 hours untill my buddy matt came out and found me . this kinda thing carried on for months till finally i stopped giving in , stopped calling him and prying for his attention , then i met my bf and figured it was all over , i was wrong till this day even though he says he loves his gf he tells me i have a special place in his heart . we have tried hanging out a couple times as friends but the tension was too much to bare . im really not sure if we should even get together for coffee because all lit takes is for him to tell me i look good for me to fall apart . . i don't get this! i swear he has been one of my worst triggers i have ever had , if me and him are getting together i cant eat days befor and days after .

man that was a mouthfull lol ! hmm now for once i wanna end this on a happier note . . . . OH! my buddy sean might come visit from toronto and take me and my boy skiing for a weekend , which would be awesome because i have never gone lol .

Woo to the skiing! Hehe but boo to the boy situation
He sounds like a bit of a jerk to be honest, and kind of like he just likes the attention, no matter who gets hurt along the way.
He's not worth it hun, especially if he makes you feel like not eating. Your bf doesn't make you feel like that right?

With regards to the hobo Bob smell....hmm....maybe just open every window, spray more febreeze and hope for the best lol! Or get loads of nice smelling people to sit on your sofa.

Alrighty its been a while so to start i got a febreeze noticeable so the entire house smells vary nice now lol .

Unfortunately this isnt going to be a happy entry becuase i have felled back off the wagon . work has been soo busy lately that i have rduced my food intake down to bascially dinner and even then its not alot and worst of all i have actually been watching thinspo's on youtube .

for half this month i've felt . .. well to put this bluntly . . really fucking fat . and every time i have looked at myself in the mirror i cant help but cry .

( ok so i started that last night and now this is how im feeling today)

so im actually feeling alot better today i had to stop right at the beginning of that entry becuase my boy came home and i didnt want hi to see what i was typing . as you can see i was really feeling down and insecure about myself and jsut wanted to curl into a hole . . .but then my bf cam hom and we went to bed and he kept telling me how perfect i was and how lucky he felt to have me . this got me thinking of how could i see soo many faults wiht myself and yet he couldn't see none . so for once in my life i have decided to give me self a break and to stop stareing at all the imperfections . which actually has already started to make a noticable change i was actually complimented by a client telling me how good i looked and how i had this "presence" about myself .. .. . and also said with my look im gonna have all the older women , younger women , older men and younger men what ever im into all over me .

so this really help lift me up a bit and im finally up enough where im checking out treatment centers . . im finally gonna get this figured out .

I'm so glad you're feeling better hun
I've been feeling pretty crappy this last week but I'm trying to focus on the positive things in life and reminding myself that they outweigh my stupid insecurities about my body. I'm glad you're doing the same!

Stay strong x

I sometimes get the smae feeling when i look in the mirror. not good at all

alrighty so it has been a while since i have blogged .so here it goes .

i have been eating lately but been really finicky with how many calories i've been taking in and been strictly drinking water ( totally broke that while compiling this so i guess its better now . . .(mmmmm coke . . .. mmmm)

recently i went to my fiance's work christmas/some other employees going away party and it was alot of fun . . . except i was noticeably the thinest person ever and it was weird . . i felt like i use to stick out when i was fat and now i stick even more being thin .

so i havea pic to share . . . its kinda blurred but its me and my hunny



and i sware me and these three ppl are now like bffs lol


jsut incase you dont know . .. im the tanned one lol

Hmm...your actually really attractive mike!! *blush*

Flirt alert! Hehe jk x

I was just speaking the truth lol

oh goodnessess i must be careful and make sure this dosnt go to my head lol