How It Started...

[LucyBluebell]

Just wondering if anyone wanted to talk about how their ED started?

I think mine was mostly a control issue. My dad controlled everything in our household, down to every last detail and the one thing I felt I could control was what I ate. I also didn't have any friends, and was incredibly lonely. I heard my mum and dad having an arguement one day and my dad called my mum fat. I remember somehow thinking that this must be why people didn't like me. I was too fat and people were disgusted by the way I looked.
Stress is a big trigger for me. When I'm stressed and upset, food seems to be the one thing I feel like I can control. If I don't lose weight, I think I've failed and that I have no control.
Although I would say that I have recovered from my ED, I think in a way it's always there inside me, I'm just strong enough to fight it now. It doesn't make it any easier though, I think it just makes me feel more under pressure to live up to everyone's expectations.

How does everyone else feel?

[pinkpineapple]

Mine started in the summer between 6th and 7th grade. I was moving to middle school and wanted to become thin and popular. I exercised so much I ripped a tendon half way in my hip. I didn't tell anyone it hurt for two months. For a year I wasn't aloud to do any physical activity. I started binging. When I saw how big I was, the purging started. I am now doing better. My braces have helped me stopped purging. It is so gross to purge with braces. Now I'm almost eating healthy amount of calories a day.

[evoo85]

Mine started senior year of high school. I felt like everything going on was out of my control. I wasn't happy. A few years prior my family had gone through a really tough time. All my friends were getting ready for college and I had messed up a lot that college was the last thing on my mind. I dealt with everything by controlling my eating. It was all I thought I could control. At that point it wasn't really a body image thing. After all my friends left for college and I was out of High School, it became an on and off thing. Never really bad. ( Senior year was the worst) I never once told my parents - just a few friends. Never saw a therapist ( still don't want my family to know and still not seen anyone) Every now and then it creeps back and becomes more of an image thing than ever before. Which is what bothers me the most about it. It is still control - but the difference now is I want to stay healthy. Thats my goal. I love food...always have. I just need to be ok with me - which I am not sure I have really been OK with me.

so thats that.

[ARKdrummer]

I'm not fully sure how or why mine started. I know that I have had bad body image since I was 4 and always was concerned about what I ate. I guess the full on ED started my senior of high school though, that's at least when it got bad anyway. I'm not really sure why it all started or why I had a bad body image. I do know that it was kind of an odd situation as to why it got worse, it just happened one week that I couldn't eat or drink anything for no apparent reason. After that everything in my mind on eating changed. For me it wasn't my ED that came first (unless you count my being cautious of food and my weight since the age of 4) it was my self injury that came first. I haven't really gotten to everything in my blocked memories to figure out what the main causes of any of it was/is, maybe one day I shall know.

[mikey16]

My started really accidentally . i had to be put on anti depressants because i tryed to suppress my homosexuality for soo long that i completely broke down ( at 15) . so i started counseling and all that jazz and came out but i was still on the pills , i started to notice that the pills killed my appetite and i didnt eat unless i made myself , so i stopped eating .

{edited because included weights} and i was soo scared of food i never ate , constantly lied to my parents but i never wanted to be treated , i thought i looked good . i always had dates and was always being hit on so i figured thats why i got dates , because i was thin .

i finally got with my bf im currently with and he would complement me every time i gianed a pound telling me i was beautiful and looked good , so i started to recover .

but unfortunately i started hair school and completely relapsed becuase of all the other ppls obsessions with dieting and being thin it jsut completely killed my will power .

and now every day i struggle to eat but i do it , i dont want to be dead at 19

[flyawayhome.13]

Mine started about a year ago. ive always hated the way i looked and never really liked food but ate it anyway. ive always been a dipressed person - chikd. i started on antideprssants but i hated having to rely on them to make me happy especially at work. them the stress got to be and the deprssion got worse and i figured i can contoll what i eat if nothing else. i thought the thinner i got the happier i would be but it jst gets harder to do anyhing any more. the thinner i get the sicker i get, its so easy to hide it from your parnets. even though ive started counselling its not helping at all and the thoughts and feelings are still there. There are really dak days when i wish i just wouldnt wake up btu then i dont want to let the ED win. i believe it can be beaten, the questions is can i beat it.

[bubbly_lychee]

First off, I just want to say how inspirational your stories are. Mikey, your boyfriend sounds great, and remember those girls are raised in today's society and it's fixation on 'thin=beauty', too.

Mine probably started because I had major knee surgery in fifth grade when i'd been really active my whole life. My twin baby brother and sister were born then, too, and home became very stressful. My step-dad got really angry.

I became depressed, and hid in baggy clothes as I was ashamed of my muscle loss. I was a complete tomboy, and shunned by the girls. I started to binge/purge when sixth grade started.

IIt progressed from there into anorexia.

[caitlinnnn]

I remeber it was the summer going into 7th grade.I was 12,such a young age to be preoccupied with my appearance and the way i looked,though it did seem to matter to the rest of my friends and classmates.I felt the pressure to be perfect.Everywhere I went I saw something that I wasn't;beautiful,tan,popular...skinny girls. My brain was tricked into thinking the only way I could achieve that was to take control.I started exercising diligently for 2 months.Everyday I'd fall on the floor from exhaustion and pain,I pushed my self way to hard...doing squats,leg lifts,crunches..anything,but I decided that that wasn't enough.I quickly got into the routine of starving myself with only a {edit} calorie intake a day..if that.I became obsessed with reading the nutrition labels and making sure I wasn't "poisoning"(as I used to say) myself with fat grams.At lunch I would sit there and read my friends food nutrition labels.I would tell them not to eat this..and not to eat that but yet I'd tell them to go buy more of that certain food,and if I skipped lunch that day I would be in the bathroom stale throwing up whatever was left in my system from the breakfast I was painfully forced to eat.I was a VERY jealous person,especially when I would see my friends eating food and I was there worrying about how much weight I'm going to need to lose to fit in my jeans.I felt like i was dieing inside! of course i wanted to eat but it was like I was chained to a pole that was cemented into the grounds of hopelessness and guilt.I couldnt control myself..I'd cry myself to sleep for many nights."Why am I so fat,why don't I look like the other girls?"I repeatedly cried out while looking into the mirror staring at my frail,lifeless body.I knew what I was doing was wrong,but I felt no control over myself.This disease had indeed taken over me.I barley even remeber half of that year,I would often stare into space,there wasn't much going on in my brain.Really all I thought about was me dieing in starvation.I was almost positive I was going to die with just skin and bones.My grades slowly went down and this might sound crazy but I was seriously losing touch with reality.Many times I had people come up to me and ask me if I was sick."NO!I'M NOT SICK!!"I became irritated and cranky from the lack of sleep and food I had.I was also asked if I was bulimic."NO?"of course I lied.I really didn't want any other names being called at me when I walked down the halls or even the streets.Making myself throw up became a daily occurrence.Every night after dinner I locked myself up my bathroom,pulled back my hair and clutched the toilet as if it were my best friend.20 minutes later I opened the bathroom door, turned the light off and walked away like nothing happened.It was hard to shop for myself because no store had lower than a 00 pant size..Thanksgiving rolled around and I didn't eat a thing,Christmas came along soon enough and still,never ate a thing.Its been {edit} months and i've lost {edit} pounds, friends,and a million tears.Now I'm registered to therapy classes at the Renfrew Center specializing in womens eating disorders.I was tested for everything mentally and physically. I had BBD(body dysmorphic disorder) OCD,Kidney Disease,Anemia,Severe fatigue,osteoporosis,severe dehydration,and very low blood pressure.It wasn't worth the pain and suffering my family and I went through.Thankfully I'm better now but I can honestly say I still want to be {edit} pounds.Hopefully I will fully recover and put this this chapter in my life behind me.So the nest time you want to look like a size 0 model..think again.

[XxkatexX]

hi, im new here...i think il introduce myslef first im katie im 17 and i am bulimic, i used to be anorexic but it lead to bulimia.

i was in year 6 when i had the start of my low self estee, i used to be loud and outgoing, but i have no idea what went wrong, when we changed schools to go into highschool i felt out of lace i felt ugly and fat as there were so many pretty girls there etc. i began to make myself sick after my dinner and never ate at school this carried on through to yr 9, when we changed schools again for our final 2 years i isolated myself and never made much effort and had more looks and made me more paranoid thinking i was fat, i was failing in my grades and was stressing out and with home and air cadets were on at me, in the summer i went connections to get help and am seeing the physciologist ffrom ythen and now, i was also having cognitive therapy sessions but they stopped because i was so depressed, i stopeed eating and only had grapes and i started to get better grades so i thought this is how i do it, year 11 i kept fainiting and my pe gcse teacher went to me and said i know you have a eating disorder and they rang my mum in and it was awful, my mum and dad came with me to see my therapist and it all went much worse, i took 2 overdoses and there wasnt anything for anyone to do, my therapist didnt want to put me IP because i am competative, i have improved alot and my therapist is having a meeting with the ED team and get something going. im in college at the moment and its very stressful mum knows when im stressed because i get dark circles around my eyes, i hope weall can be free of ED. but i am very scared i dont know who i am without it.

[Pipzir]

Hello, I'm new here. I'm Pip (nickname) and I'm 14. I used to be anorexic but I became bulimic again (happened to me when I was younger) and I am anemic as well.

I think this all started when I was about 8 or 9. I've always been made fun of and the only thing I could think about was starving myself to the extreme and not eatting as much. I never really fit in with the crowd and was always being picked so I kept on playing DDR for a long time till I couldn't breathe as well. I guess I also just drank water and very low calorie meals or snacks. I've lost massive weight back then but turned out to be anorexic. I was still over my so called weight limit for my height but everyone said it was muscle. I really don't know how my mind came across it but I stopped when I was around 11. I wasn't bulimic before but now it came worse.

I'm in my first year of highschool and became bulimic not to long ago. I became unhappy again about my weight and how all my other friends were so happy. I guess I wasn't thinking right or not thinking at all. I recently kept on throwing up after every meal, soon enough I threw up a bit of blood, or what I thought it was. I'm still trying to control myself but its so hard. I'm getting weaker and weaker due to my lack of iron and red blood cells from my anemia. Most people recognized my weight loss and are happy for me. But I don't know if they should be happy or upset. I'm worried that if I spat more blood out I'm gonna faint and not be able to live my dream to finish high school. I am not afraid of dying, but then I'm worried about my family. I've delt with anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, anemia and depression. I've always thought I looked good but not good enough. I am trying to stop as the year comes to an end. Hopefully I won't continue, but I've lost my motivation. I have developed friends...but none of them would at least back me up. I'm still trying to fight for my life as I try to stop my bad habit.

[staceypops]

I thinks mine was similar to Lucy's in ways. My parents were very controlling to the point where it seemed that weight was the only sort of control that I had.
I went through high school/sixth form being anorexic then bulimnic without most people noticing,
until i started work.
One of the ladys who i work with noticed quite quickly & it was through her that I saw my GP then a specialist a few months ago.

Although im far from recovered & still have a way to go i know im better than i was.

[kyra031]

This is really great I mean, having a website to share everything I've got with eating disorders.
I tried telling my friends, but they were just like, "nah, you will get over it."
But I thought I just couldn't easily get over it until I get a psychologist or something. And probably this site could help xD

So a short intro.. I'm 14 years old. Krish's the name. :]

Anyway, it all started just last year. I was just trying to lose some weight.. and, successfully, i did.. like maybe {edit} in a month.
And then this year, January, I felt like I needed to lose more weight..
so I starved myself to death.. ate {edit} pieces of bread in a day.. Undeniably anorexic.
And then got binge eating disorder just a week ago.
I couldn't stop eating. I was obsessed with food. I gained {edit} in one week which is totally such a disappointment.

I just wish someone could help me with these stuffs.
I feel really desperate

[staceypops]

Hi Krish,

Have you been able to tell a family member or seen a specialist?


x

[JJ_Rae]

Quick intro...I'm JJ and I'm 15 in 10th grade

I don't think my ED had a real official time it started, i had been conscious of my weight since about 7th grade, but when 9th grade came around it wasn't just being conscious of it, it was paranoia. It was high school and there were so many people that were thin and gorgeous...and not like me. I wanted so badly to be like them, so i started to diet a bit. But i wanted to lose more and faster....no it wasn't really a want, it was more of a need.
I soon was purging.
After about 6 months or so, i realized how bad the purging was, so i tried to stop doing that, and my ED developed into anorexia instead. I still haven't stopped either one though, i don't purge often, and i'm trying to eat again, but it just hurts too much. I hate to think that i might be fat...I never really have been overweight or anything, but i've always thought i was ugly. I guess for me its mroe of a fear of gaining weight or becoming fat that keeps me in this lifestyle.
A few people have found out, and they are trying to help, but i refuse to go to any counseling or allow my family to find out.
Just hoping i'll get through all of this..

[kenz]

my story
from as far as i can think back its all been pain and hurt in my life. my mum and dad broke up when i was 6 and he hasnt been in my life sinse its been hard growing up without him. when i was 14 i was sexually abused by my friends stepdad it went to court he was found not guilty i blamed myself for it and still do males have been a really bad thing for me in my life and i think its what trigered my ed at age 18. i never liked what i sore in the mirror i stared my 1st fulltime jod as a hairdresser it was stressful and my bf at the time really didnt care about me and before i new it i wasnt eating i wasnt eating cause it was away of punshing myself i didnt think i was good enough i pushed friends and family away i had lost control i didnt want to live.everyday was a struggle 4 me my health was bad i use to cry myself to sleep id beat myself up if i hadnt lost weight i just didnt no what to do any more..............i lost my job my friends and myself and to this day im still recovering