From the Queendom of Karmicaria, See what happens when I get bored.

[Gruenberg]

"Um...yes...very nice."

Vent liked to think of himself as a fairly laid-back, easy-going kinda guy. He knew what he liked, and what he didn't, but heard enough stories over a bummed cigarette to accept that what everyone else did was everyone else's business. So sure, nothing wrong with nudity, or with slavery, or with nude slavery. But a man had his limits, and having willies edge ever nearer the serving platter was waaay over.

"Can I...?"

"I'm good."

The servants trailed away to him to the next suitor, his face equally agog in horrified disbelief. His eyes flickered across to Queen Adrienne. She didn't exactly seem like the type for this sort of thing. And if this was her idea of fun in public...Vent whistled, bit into a succulent piece of flesh, and really, really, wished he hadn't.

[Kenny]

"As you wish, Your Majesty," the commander replied coolly, and strode off to inform her boss of the new arrangements. Her little maneuver seemed to work like a charm; the lady was intrigued, and the secretary had been moved next to her, making the prospects of consigning the president's dickhead friend to this God-forsaken hellhole for the rest of his natural life more and more likely. Happily she pondered what to give him as a wedding present. Maybe a pistol with a single shot like in that pirate movie? she thought gleefully. After all, there was no better metaphor for the predicament he now faced ....

* * * * *

Susa gazed over at the queen and saw his vision blur. He could feel drops of sweat collecting on his forehead, he could hear his own wheezed breaths, and the panicked beating of his heart pounding against his temples. The latest round of this Mad Tea Party's seat switcheroo brought home to the secretary just what kind of trouble he was in. Just what sort of hell had the Destructor sent him off to? he wondered angrily. This was turning out to be his most difficult conquest yet. Usually at this point during such conferences the rich ladies had already spread their legs and surrendered all their plastic and PIN numbers. Not this bitch. No, this one required Susa to compete in some demeaning dog and pony show and beat off a group of determined rivals before he got any shot at what he really wanted. And the cost of actually getting it was too much even to think about, his only salvation having been viciously confiscated by Cmdr. Chiang; he'd just have to explode himself after the wedding, she'd told him. He was also sure he'd only been seated next to the queen so she could make sure he didn't swipe any more silverware; she kept giving him the evil eye. Damn, he really could have used a punching bag right then. Fuck that, he could have used a slot machine; it had been hours since he'd played, and the symptoms of withdrawal were already starting to surface. Adding to the torture were the slaves being shamelessly paraded before him, wearing naught but shackles, and pledging loyalty naught but to the whore -- and he couldn't even think about grabbing the naked woman, drenching her front in chocolate sauce and burying his face in her bountiful rack, because that might go against what the commander had scolded him about "manners" during the long plane ride over. What's more, there was a perfectly good hippy seated just two chairs down from him, and no one in this wasteful communist gulag had bothered to douse him with bleach yet! And this male slave! Were all Karmicarian dudes so ... scrawny? How the hell did these people breed? ... At least there was one note of consolation Susa could take away from this catastrophe of an evening: his own superior genetics.

Confidently the secretary turned to his prospective match: "Forgive me, Your Queenliness," he cooed with all the suavity he could muster. "I didn't even notice the slaves! I can't keep my eyes off you." With that, he seized the royal's dainty hand once more and brought it to his lips, wondering if she'd notice that a couple of her rings were missing.

[N00biana]

Adam watched the naked servitors in mild disbelief: This did not fit into what he'd been taught about "normal" behaviour for baseline human 'high society'. Oh well, 'other lands, other customs' as the saying goes... and some things that happen in N00biana would probably be a surprise to most outsiders, after all...
Selecting from those dishes whose contents seem least likely to have been touched by the servitors' bodies, he fills his plate and tucks in whilst mentally rehearsing -- and modifying, slightly -- the speech with which he'll introduce himself to the queen after this meal.

[The Palentine]

"Anyway Sgt. Francine Rock...she ain't a bad troop for being an army puke...she walks up to the band of Terrorist scrotes we've been fighting. They're all shot up pretty bad...brains and blood splattered everywhere. anyway she finds the commanding officer of the pukes...he was wearing a spiked helmet. she grabs him by the spike to see if he's still alive to be questioned, and his head pops right off.",

Gunny Harkness finishes his little tale. He's also finished his plate of food. He looks over to the "Duke" sitting next to him. the dear fellow looks quite green around the gills, and has barely touched his plate of food.

"What the matter, mate? you've barely touched your food. The chows pretty good.", asked the Gunny.

"Lost my appitite.", replied the nobleman.

"Then fork it over. Waste not, want not!", Said Harkness as he reached for the plate.

(OOC: More Mad Max)

[karmicaria]

"Oh, this isn't good. Vent just doesn't seem interested and Susa seems a little too interested." Adrienne thought as Susa took her hand. She was getting upset. So upset that she didn't even care that he had stolen a few of her rings. They were fakes anyways. As if she would wear her real diamonds to a thing like this. She looked around to see if her other guests had finished their meals. Most seemed to have finished. She smiled a Susa and stood. "Can I have your attention please. Thank you. Now, as soon a we are all finished with our meal, I will greet the last of my guests and then it will be off for a tour of the castle." She sat back down, smiled at Susa again and thought "All I need to do is keep him around long enough to give me a baby and then I can get rid of him."

[karmicaria]

As more of her guests were finishing their meal, Adrienne watched them. She was rather disappointed that Vent didn't seem more interested. Was he put off by the servants? "I'm hot! What the hell is his problem?" She thought. Then she realized that there was one man she had not met yet. He seemed nervous. "Tristan! Please bring the last gentleman here for me to meet before we take a quick tour of the castle."

"Right away ma'am." He returned a few moments later with Adam.

"Adam, it is a pleasure to finally talk to you. Tell me more about yourself, darling." She gave him her most radiant smile and extended her hand, while watching Susa and Vent out of the corner of her eye. She already knew who she would pick. All the preparation was being taken care of. It was just a matter of time now. She wanted to drag it out. Hopefully make them sweat a little. There would be the party after the tour, they would spend the night, and in the morning, she would announce her choice. She just hoped that it would be the right choice.

[N00biana]

"Me, your majesty?" replied Adam, looking not at all nervous now that the right time for him to speak seems to have arrived, "there isn't really much to say about me. I was produced and given the usual intensive education to be a member of my homeland's 'Director' caste, that training was only completed twenty days ago, the Inner Council appointed me as an Associate Director for Research then, and I was just getting my first project underway when they chose to reassign me temporarily to the Directorate of Externalities for this mission instead. I'm not a career soldier like the Gunny over there" (he gestures in Harkness's direction) "but have seen a little bit of action against saboteurs -- probably communist infiltrators from somewhere like Norderia -- and was told that I acquitted myself quite well during that incident."
He looks at her admiringly, with eyes whose irises she'll notice are about the same 'bronze' shade as his skin but have tiny golden flecks scattered in them.
"I'm sure that the few things I've done so far couldn't possibly compare with the life you must have had growing up here, and what you've had to do running this country," he says, "and I must admit that my tutors didn't actually tell me much about either you or your queendom. Would you care to tell me anything about yourself?" He pauses...
"Oh, I nearly forgot: the Inner Council entrusted me with a gift to present to you, as a 'thank you' for including them amongst the governments whom you invited to send candidates here and as a sign that -- whomever you choose -- we hope for a future of peaceful and profitable cooperation between our nation and yours." He puts his hands together a few inches in front of his (very muscular) chest, and when he pulls them apart again a thin box made from some ort of ivory-like material -- and decorated with lots of tiny carvings -- appears between them.
"For you, your majesty," he says, offering the box to her on his outstretched palms.

[karmicaria]

"You want to know more about me? Well darling, that will come when we have the chance to sit down and talk in private." This Adam was a strange one. He had the most unusual eyes. He was yammering on about a gift of some sort. She wasn't really paying attention. She was keeping her eye on Susa to make sure he didn't try to steal the jewels off her chair. Then, as Adam extended his hand, she saw the beautifully decorated box. "Oh my. That is just gorgeous! Thank you!" Adrienne leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. She then stood. "It is time for the tour. It will be quick. I will show you the rooms you will be spending the night in and a few other select rooms."

[karmicaria]

Adrienne led her guests out of the Great Hall and down the corridor. She had Tristan go ahead to make sure that certain rooms had been locked up. There were things that she wasn't ready to share with outsiders. "If you look at this row of doors, you'll see that each one has your names on them. You each get your own rooms with everything that you need to be comfortable away from your homes." (OOC: I can't really describe what every one has in there rooms. An example would be...um...Susa would have 2 or 3 slot machines and Flash would have some sushi and whatever else he needs to feel at home. Hope every one gets the picture.)

"Ma'am. The Courtyard is ready. Shall we take our guests out for the drinking and the dancing?"

"Oh! Fabulous! Follow me everyone!" Adrienne led them into a very large open area. It was decorated in the same silver as everything else. There were more statues here. Almost the same as the ones in the Great Hall, except these ones were decorated with jewels. There was soft music playing. People were dancing and drinking and carrying on. A few were already drunk. Adrienne grabbed two wine glasses from a passing servant. "Here you go, darling. Drink up!" she said as she handed the glass to Susa. "Go on! Mingle people! You'll all have your chance to spend some time with me in private." Adrienne was feeling much more relaxed and happy now. She didn't even care that Susa would most likely be stealing the jewels off the statues at any moment now.

[Retired WerePenguins]

“Ah dancing,” Flash commented as he entered the Great Hall. “Now the real fun can start.” Finally all his many college level courses in dance were going to pay off. After all, it always did seem odd that there never was a “degree” in rugby, and that he had to take a number of very odd courses that didn’t really make much sense as a major under the name of “liberal arts.” Dexterity was not the trait of a Blonde; strength and constitution were. Of course strength does have some advantages, as was the case when he nearly put a ballerina into orbit as her partner.

Of course there was the other thing mentioned. Everyone seemed to have a wine glass in their hands, and so Flash decided he would do the same, although it did take a few moments before the servant came close enough to him to politely take a glass from.

A strange thought came through Flash’s mind, “Turkish delight,” probably from some long forgotten classic literature class, if Flash remembered it right. In any event it reminded him that sometimes evil queens with hearts of ice were often covered in a veneer of sweet delights; the food, the drink, the dancing, the statues. He needed to scratch at the veneer as it were. Armed with the greatest weapon at his disposal, his half full glass of wine, he proceeded to locate the local nobles (when you have the motley crew we’ve got for the event, it’s easy to notice everyone else) and proceed with small talk. Unfortunately, for Flash, small talk consisted of the weather, rugby, and the various dance styles being currently done on the dancing floor. He realized that he should have paid more attention in the journalism 101 class.

[Ausserland]

Lester Twombly trudged over to the bar, looking somewhat dejected.

"Hiya!" he greeted the bartender. "Got any Olde Frothingslosh or Iron City? If not, how about Foster's or Red Lion? And if you don't have any of those, a Guiness will do."

He looked about him as he tried not to pay attention to the elevator music assaulting his ears. This trip was definitely going down in his books as a waste of time. The marrying bit went out the window as soon as he'd seen the pink poodle. (Pink?!) He thought maybe he'd try looking up that cute little Camel Corps captain with the buck teeth when he got home. At least, she had brains enough not to blow off a 44 billion net worth.

He didn't even want to think about the guys wiggling their willies while they served the food. And the food? They asked him what he wanted. He'd asked for a couple of kielbasa sammiches. So what do they bring? Italian sausage! Not bad sausage, but still....

Lester had hoped to meet some interesting people on the trip, but it looked like that wasn't going to happen. Forget the sleazebag from Omigodtheykilledkenny and the big dude with the two-ounce brain. The kid with the guitar might be OK if he ever came down off it. And he'd kinda liked the old guy in the uniform until the story about pulling the head off the dead guy. Then there was the weird one with the spooky eyes. This wasn't exactly a bunch you wanted to spend an evening at the local bar with.

Lester thought about sneaking off to his room and fiddling around with the contract for the new mega-mall, but he figured he'd better not. Aunt Fridgie would probably think that was rude. And Aunt Fridgie found out about everything, sooner or later.

Oh, well.

[N00biana]

Adam took a glass from one of the servitors, and held it -- as if he was about to take a drink from it -- while he studied the dancers from the edge of the open space to check that the style of dancing was one of those in which he'd been instructed. Once sure that it was, he set the glass down again on a convenient table and joined in ... making sure that his route took him towards those of the locals present whom he'd seen seated at the "highest" positions during dinner. He tuned out the music from his conscious mind, leaving a part of his subconscious to handle the dancing (which it did quite well...) and listened to hear whether they were discussing events amongst themselves...

[Kenny]

Susa gratefully seized the wine glass and downed the liquid in one clean gulp. "Keep 'em comin', boss," he spat at a servant walking by, as he exchanged his empty glass for a fresh one. He turned back to Queeny and gave her a reluctant smile. He did not care for all the adoring looks the broad had been flashing him since Cmdr. Chiang spoke up for him at the dinner. Thie royal wench really knew how to lead a guy on. If you're gonna give it up, lady, give it up already, and stop being so coy! he thought angrily. Still, he knew what was going on here; he'd seen enough dating shows on MTV to know that this was the point of the competition at which he really needed to impress her, to give her a really good reason why she should choose him over the others. Earnestly he leaned in toward the sovereign.

"You wanna really know why you should pick me?" he whispered suggestively. "Here, lemme show you!" He began to unbuckle his belt.

Just then an alarm sounded on his cell phone.

"Whoops! Time for prayers!" he announced, as Jimmy, having received the same alarm, rushed over and placed a thin mat on the floor at Queen Adrienne's feet. Immediately Susa fell prostrate to the ground, facing the Holy City (the queen just happened to be blocking his way), and started bowing up and down and reciting his orisons -- a mishmashed gibberish of Spanish, Arabic and assorted cusses.

Even while showing his devotion to God, Susa was not above stealing a few quick glances up the queen's dress as he continued to bob on the floor. Man, I can't wait to show her my cool Looney Tunes boxers! he thought happily between chants. Chicks really dig that cutesy stuff.

[karmicaria]

Adrienne was highly amused by Susa. "I wonder if he's an alcoholic?" she thought.

"You wanna really know why you should pick me? Here, lemme show you!"

Adrienne stared in shock as Susa started to undo his belt. "What are you do...." just then she heard the alarm sound. "You're praying? Hmm. You didn't really strike me as the religious type." Adrienne then turned to find her other guests. She very much wanted to talk to Vent again. He seemed so sweet in a doped-up hippy kind of way. Before walking away, she looked down at Susa. She sighed and thought, "What have I gotten myself into?"

"Your majesty...it's time to deal with...you know... the thing that you have to deal with."

"What in the world are you talking about, Tristan? I...oh right. That thing. If you'll excuse me Mr. Secretary, but I have some business to attend to." She wandered off with Tristan. This was going to be the hardest thing to do. Most thought that she didn't answer to any one. Why should she? She was the Queen. But, there was someone. "Have you made your choice?"

Adrienne bowed "Yes father. But with all due respect, the choice was made long before this evening. All I had to do was follow orders. I'm still not sure he was the best choice. He's so.....strange."

"I know, child. You only have to live with him until he can give you and heir to the thrown. Then we can rid you of him. Let's just hope that he gives you a daughter on the first try."

"Yes, father. May I return to my guests now? I could use a drink."

"You may, but before you go come here and give daddy a kiss." Adrienne's father stood and took a few steps towards her. She leaned forward and kisses her father on the cheek.

"Thank you, daddy. I'm sure that all will work out for the best." With this, Adrienne returned to here guests.

[Ausserland]

The bartender placed a glass and a bottle of Rolling Rock on the bar. "I'm sorry, sir, this is the only beer we have available. It's Her Majesty's favorite."

Lester blinked. Rolling Rock? Rolling Rock?! Oh, well... he shoulda figured. He took the glass and bottle. He'd pretend to drink it. Maybe he could pour the swill into one of the potted plants. Naw. Wouldn't be fair to the plant.

Lester dug into his trouser pocket and pulled out a fat wad of money. He peeled off a 500-tollen [$250 US] bill and laid it on the bar, then quickly turned and walked away before the bartender could react. Brightening up people's days is one of Lester's little hobbies. (The others are string collecting, painting fantasy miniatures, daijutsu, and bankrupting monopolistic corporations.)