*On the Bridge of the O.W.G.U (Our Wholly Goddess' Unterseeship) Hagbard Celine*

Wendle Jonathan (Talkum) Williams, 5th Secretary of Discordant Erisia, breaths a heavy sigh as he turns from a wide viewscreen. Able to watch no more of the report from Channel 23 In-action News, Wendle strides to the captain's Star Trek-style command chair and steels himself for the coming encounter.

"Omnibenevolent PolyFather....," Wendle queries, "might we have a word?"

"Of course. You can have spelunk, it's a good one, but both of you will have to share it." The OPF chuckles at his own joke and turns from dolphin porn on the main viewscreen.

"This is the third straight day of riots outside the House of Eris in the capital. With all due respect to his wholliness' awesome wisdom, do you think it was the right move to make every man woman and child a Pope of Discord?"

The PolyFather shrugs. "I didn't do it, Eris did. Open your your penial gland and ask her yourself."

Wendle rolls his eyes and decides its better to move on than press the issue. "The Popes and Momes would appear to be demanding, among other things, public nudity."

OPF ponders oh so briefly before responding, " Make it a law then." He stands and shouts, "Public nudity for all!" The assembled crew cheer wildly and disrobe, as does his wholliness.

"Wendle... your clothing is a leagle offence now, I suggest you get rid of that uniform just in case somebody decides to hire a cop or some such other nonsense."

The 5th Secretary briefly contemplates violence before pressing on. "Well, if you insist...." He records the decree for prosterity and transcriptions in to the Great and Pure Tome of the Five Laws. "Now, sir, what about these riots, we really must do something about them....Something other than mandatorizing nudity."

The Omnibenevolence Embodied had returned his attention to the water-sports on the main screen. He kept looking at it, despite the annoying interruption, while he formulated an answer.

"5th Minister Arch-pope Legionnaire the Reverend Williams, need I remind you that Discordant Erisia is a Theocracy. As I am sure you know, a theocracy is a government run by the church. As we have established, long since, every man woman and child is a pope, or mome for the fem inist types. As our collective history has told us for multiple hundreds of years, a pope is the infallible representative of the Divine on our fair earth. Thus established, the logical conclusion to the affair is that they run the government and are rallying against themselves. More power to them for that. Personally I try to avoid trusting myself and I don't trust you for that matter. I do, however trust the goddess and have faith that the way things are going will work out in the end. Or they won't. Either way I plan on being long dead by the time the end comes around. It's a good plan, you should look into it.... ya know. Stop wiping everyone else's nose and start ironing your wrinkles out or you'll end up spending the whole night tying your own mentality in knots.

"Now that we've firmly established that, just exactly what the hell would you like me to do about this situation and if you know what to do then why don't you do it by yourself?" The PolyFather wheels his intense gaze back to the vidshow, it's unclear if he's expecting a response.

Wendle has been raised by the best professionals, schooled by the strictest of educators, yet even his super (epson brand semiglossy) venier had begun to wear thin. "Your Omni Benevolence...." The OPF shows no sign of recognision. So Wendle clears his throat "Your Omnibenevolence, Might I ask through what perversionous miscarriage of rightful existence you came to be the leader of many millions of souls?"

The OPF: " Leader? F*in' LEADER? That's a good damned question. Why am I the leader? I'm not the leader. People ask me what to do and no matter how many times I whack them in the forehead...." He smacks Williams' forehead with his palm, hard, "and tell them to think for themselves they do what the fuck they were going to do from the beginning and claim that the PolyFather blessed their endeavour. I don't bless shit, the Goddess does that. If the Popes hang on my words and choices then they aren't very religious are they? Look Jackson, you're new around here, so I'm gunna give you a break. I've been dealing with these crazy fucks my HOLE life. Every flippin one of em is completely batshit nutterz. And every one of them in their own way. So, your job is chief administrator. If I were you I'd get a great big boom box and play my boss "Take This Job and Shove It." But I'm not you. The Goddess let you be you and me, me, so shut up, leave me alone and be you. Think for yourself! Live your life! And when you need me to make a speech put it on a teleprompter and try to use the spellcheck." The PolyFather whirls his chair back to the Aquatic freakflick.

Wendle Heads back to his stateroom. He wonders if taking this job won't yet be the death of him. Then he realizes it probably will and begins preparations to establish diplomatic contact throughout the region.