From the Queendom of Karmicaria, See what happens when I get bored.

[karmicaria]

Adrienne's mood had changed by the time she reached the Courtyard. She was scared and worried. Her father had told her that this was what must be done. All she had to do was marry him and get a kid out of it. But would her father really take care of him after all was said and done? She had no idea. As she returned to her guests, she saw that Susa had finished his prayers. "What a relief." she thought. Then she saw Tristan and walked over to him. "It's time for the announcement. Father wants me to do it tonight so he can go ahead with the wedding plans."

"That's great, but why do you seem so unhappy?"

"I would have preferred to make the choice on my own, but whatever father wants, father gets. There's no point in arguing with him."

"Very true, ma'am. Shall I gather everyone?"

"Please do. I just can't do it. I'll make the announcement and then I'm done."

"Very well, your Highness." Tristan turned to the crowd and was handed a microphone. "Could I please have every one's attention please. Her royal Highness, Queen Adrienne Bathory would like to make an announcement." With this, Adrienne took the microphone, cleared her throat as she tried not to burst into tears, and waited for all to fall into silence.

"I would like to let everyone know that my choice has been made *sniffle*. " She paused. "This isn't good. I'm turning into a blubbering fool!" She cleared her throat again. " The one I have chosen is Susa Batko-Yovino from The Federal Republic of *sniffle* Omigodtheykilledkenny." Adrienne turned away from the crowd and started to cry.

"Nicely done, your Highness." Tristan patted her on the back. She began to cry even more. "What's the matter?"

She glared at Tristan and whispered to him "What's the matter? I just chose to marry a man from the goddamn Federal Republic and you ask me what's the matter!"

"Sorry ma'am, but I thought you would be happy to have a man from such a powerful nation. He really isn't all that bad."

"Then you bloody well marry him!" Adrienne took a deep breath. "Please forgive me Tristan." He handed her a tissue. "Thank you." she then turned to face her guests once again. "I apologize. I was overtaken by a sudden rush of emotions. I'm *sniffle* just so happy. Susa, darling, would you please come and join me."

[Retired WerePenguins]

Flash, who never really realized that he was in the running, (well that's not true either ... he was never in the running) led the croud in a standing ovation. "It couldn't happen to a nicer ... no that's not the word," Flash mentioned to someone at his side, "more intelligent ... no that doesn't apply either. Well I've always been told if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything, so I'll just be quiet now."

The applause had faded and Flash had heard an odd grinding noise. He turned to see one of the supporting columns quiver as though it was some dessert mirrage. "I must have had too much to drink," Flash replied to no one in particular.

[N00biana]

Adam's face didn't really show any reaction to the news, as he joined in the congratulations and best wishes, but inside his mind he was smiling: He sighed with what some of the other people present might have thought was regret for not having been chosen but was actually relief... Queen Adrienne was attractive enough, admittedly, but if she could seriously consider a Kennnyite as her spouse then what did that say about her mind? He hadn't really expected to be chosen anyway, especially considering how little the Karmicarians knew about his homeland, and now -- unless the Inner Council came up with something else for him to do in the outside world -- he could get back to his research project... and show them all...

[The Palentine]

Gunny Harkness stepped away from the large group of ladies that had surrounded him, impresssed by his sheer damn manliness. He gave an evil looking smile to Susa and said,

"Best wishes to you and your lovely bride to be, old boy. I hear marriage is lovely. Now if you excuse me I've got business to attend."

The Gunny returned to his throng of admirers.

[karmicaria]

As Adrienne waited for Susa to join her, she watched her other guests. None of them seemed too upset over the news. "Maybe Susa won't be all that bad." she thought as she looked at him.

"Ma'am?"

"Huh? Oh...yes Tristan."

"Your father would like you to bring Mr. Batko-Yovino to meet him."

"Very well." she sighed. She left the stage to retrieve Susa and bring him to her father. "Darling, daddy would like to meet you now." She gave him a smile.

[Kenny]

Cmdr. Chiang was naturally pleased at the announcement, but couldn't help her puzzlement at the immediacy of it all. Sure, she was as gung-ho to get Susa out of the country as the next girl, but damn, this royal wench acted fast. She'd made her choice even before spending the promised "private time" with any of the other suitors, and before she'd even bothered discussing the usual trivialities spouses usually know about each other before they wed: politics, children, religion .... And considering that Susa belonged to a extremely violent sect (common among the Xt'Tapolopaquetl) holding that Kennyites were the direct descendants of Satan and that they, along with all their allies, must be wiped off the face of the planet to assure its ultimate salvation, it might have been a good idea to discuss religion with the secretary before she announced her intent to marry him. Bitch must be in heat, thought the commander with a sly smile. And here Queeny was now, demanding that Susa come with her to meet her father. Meeting the in-laws. Another formality that might have been a good idea before the engagement.

For the second (or was it the third?) time that evening, Chiang found herself having to restrain Susa from making a fool of himself, as he had tried to make another mad dash from the dining hall with another enraged declaration that he would "blow this shit up right now!" He put up a good struggle, but even an pro athlete such as Susa could not overcome the sensuous iron grip of an exotic commando.

"Come now," she soothed him. "You'll have your whole life in this God-forsaken queendom to exact God's justice upon it. And besides, you're going to be a king!" This seemed to placate her charge somewhat.

Once released into the Adrienne's custody, Susa looked back at Chiang as he was led away by the arm to meet the sovereign's elusive sire. There was an unmistakable glint of fear in his eyes.

But Chiang did not notice him, impressed as she was by the Gunny's manliness.

[karmicaria]

Adrienne led Susa to her father's chambers in silence. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't even want to marry him, but it was her father's wish. She wondered what was going through his mind. He didn't seem too thrilled with the idea of getting married either. Finally, she decided to say something. "I would like you to know that this is an arrangement that will work out very well for both our nations. Father will give you all that you need and want." They had reached her father's chamber. Adrienne knocked on the door.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"It is me father and I have Susa with me. May we enter?"

"Oh yes! Come in my darling and let me meet your husband to be!" he seemed to be laughing. Adrienne opened the huge oak doors and all but dragged Susa into the room. There were servants everywhere. In the corner of the room, there was a new slot machine. Adrienne sighed.

"Father, you know that we have outlawed gambling. What are you doing with that?"

"It's not for me, darling. It is for your future husband. I got word that he was a gambling man, so what better gift than a slot machine?"

"Right. Father, this is Susa Batko-Yovino, former tresury secretary for the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny. Susa, this is my father, Former King of Karmicaria, Rupert Bathory." She waited nervously for Susa to do or say something stupid.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Batko-Yovino. Adrienne, would you please leave us so I may have some words with Susa."

"Oh dear." she thought. "Very well father. I will return to my other guests. Just have someone get me when you are finished."

"I will, pumpkin." He watched as Adrienne left them, dismissed the servants and then turned to Susa. "Now that we have some time to talk, there are a few things that I have to say to you. You are about to marry my only daughter. She is my most precious possession. If anything is done to harm her, you will pay for it. Now, with that being said, we are going to supply you with your own credit card, with no limit, all the gambling resources that you could dream of and anything else that you desire." before moving on, the former king waited patiently for Susa's response.

[Kenny]

Susa gave the king a sly smile. He had to snicker at his feeble attempt to intimidate him. Did this guy really think he was scaring the secretary? He should spend a few months in the government of Omigodtheykilledkenny -- hell, he should spend a day on the streets of Paradise City. That might learn him a thing or two about needless provocations.

"Oh, don't worry, Your Ex-Majesty," came the insolent reply: "I won't do anything to harm your little girl -- unless she likes it! ... Which reminds me, everyone says your daughter may be a Grade A Beeyotch in the throne room, but that she's a fucking demon in the sack! Is that true. ... 'Cause, you know, Karmicarian girls learn all kinds of shit that drives guys wild from growing up around all them callboys, and they're supposed to be real experienced! Man, I don't care what bullshit that lady pulls on me during the day, 'cause I can't wait to do a little experimentation on our wedding night! Heh, heh, heh ...."

Immediately Susa's mind turned to the episode of "That '70s Show" where Eric asks Hyde how anyone could possibly find a shrew like Jackie attractive. Hyde's answer: drown out all the bitchy things she says with soothing music, then all you have left is a fine-ass girl in a coconut bikini. Obviously the secretary was going to have to use this trick from time to time.

He piped up again: "Hey! Now that I'm the king and all, does that mean I get to lob off peeps' heads for no good reason?"

Susa was trying to focus on all the good things about this gig, and one would have to, when he's been consigned to a marriage with Cruella de Vil. Of course, the Karmicarians were trying their best to make it good for him, with the no-limit credit card and the slot machines, but he wasn't entirely comfortable about it all: it didn't really sit right when he was simply being given all this stuff without having to "work" for them. Of course, spoiled royals like these probably didn't know the value of a good days' work anyway. Oh, and the slot machines alone wouldn't do at all; he'd need a whole big-ass casino.

One of two conclusions could be drawn with all the bribes the queendom was bestowing on him, Susa thought: either the former king really wanted something out the Federal Republic, or Queeny was seriously on the secretary's tip.

[karmicaria]

"I didn't figure you would have the balls to talk to me like that. Good for you!" The former king broke into laughter. "You'll fit in here just fine, son. Now, I can assure you that you will not be disappointed with Adrienne when it comes to what happens in the bedroom. The people of Karmicaria are, shall we say, trained in such affairs from the age of 16."

He watched for Susa's reaction. He assumed that this was a sufficient answer to his statement about Adrienne. " As for the chopping off of people's heads for no good reason, that does not happen here. We are more civilized than that. As king, you will be given certain duties. Nothing too taxing though. Adrienne will still have full run of the nation. She might let you help her with some of the decisions she needs to make, but nothing big. I suppose you're wondering when the wedding will take place. Well, I was thinking of a winter wedding. Late November or early to mid December."

[Gruenberg]

"Well shit."

He felt like crap. Gone all this way, lugging his guitar and the hopes of a nation, and sat around for some dodgy steak and a bunch of dudes waving their wangs in the gravy dish and one too many stories about blood and guts on the battlefield...and now she'd picked that one. Great. He looked around.

None of the others seemed down. The rugby player was applauding like it was his sister's graduation; the soldier was buried beneath a pile of miniskirt and flesh, and not complaining too loudly; the dwarf was wandering round muttering about the beer; a blood-drenched boxer was being crowd-surfed along shouting, "Adrienne! Adrienne!"; the weird one was just sort of standing there twitching. Vent stared at him, until he caught a flash of those eyes in return, and hurriedly averted himself.

Queen Adrienne was already leading Susa off - lucky bastard. He overheard a vague snip about in-laws...ok, not that lucky.

"At least I can write a song about," he said to himself, walking back to the bar. "'Woke up this morning, got them frigid bitch blues...'" He began humming.

[karmicaria]

Adrienne returned to her guests. There was only one of them that she really wanted to see. She searched the crowd. Vent was no where to be seen. Then out of the corner of her eye, she spotted him. She headed in his direction.

"Your Majesty, can we have a comment for the paper? Adrienne?"

"Not now, you twit. I need to talk to some one. Leave now before I have your head on a stake!" she hurried away. She couldn't chance Vent leaving.

Finally, Adrienne caught up to him. "Vent! Wait. I need to talk to you." she ran up to him. "Please just give me a few minutes."

[Gruenberg]

"Yep?"

[karmicaria]

Adrienne smiled "Let's go some where quiet. " She grabbed him and lead him out of the courtyard and into a lavishly decorated room. She sat on an over-stuffed chair and motioned for him to join her.

"I want you to know that I do not want to marry Susa. My father is forcing me to. This whole thing was just a rouse. Father is absolutely convinced that the Federal Republic has secrets and thinks I can uncover them. He's delusional." she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "You were my first choice." she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

[Gruenberg]

Vent blushed an appropriately violent red, and smiled weakly. "Well...oh well. Another time. And hey, we'll always have...whatever this shithole is."

* * * * *

Back in his room, Vent sat on his bed. He'd got bored of strumming, and decided to phone home. He guessed the Viziery would have learned the news by now anyway - he gathered the Federal Republic's ambassador to Gruenberg had draped a ten-foot high "PWNED!!111" banner across the embassy front in Flurthwel, before delivering a 117 minute on Gruenberg's "punitive and sexist handbag laws".

He was surprised to hear the Grand Vizier's serpentine tones. "Jiffjeff."

"Hey."

"You lost."

"Meh. There'll be other chicks."

"There won't be other queens."

"Look, pal, I honestly don't care. I know you had this whole 'thing' worked out, but really, who gives one? She said she liked me, but her daddy was on her back about marrying this other guy - so I get the best of both worlds. The satisfaction of knowing I could have tapped that; the relief of not having to pick out wedding china."

There was an ominous pause. Sinister string music played in the background. "Get out!" Vent cried to the string quartet who had mysteriously appeared at the foot of his bed.

"She preferred you?"

"Well...yeah. That's what she said, anyway..."

"Yet she picked another?"

"...yeah..."

"So he has infringed upon your honour?"

"Well, wait, um..."

"Jiffjeff."

"Yeah?" Vent knew well enough the sound of trouble: and it was here. He flicked off the pianist.

"SUSA BATKO-YOVINO MUST DIE!"

"Meh."