Star Fox: TOTALLY WIERD VERSION, presented to you by the maniacs

[Kuroma]

BUHAHAHAHAHA

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Proemeluge- OMG WUT
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*Liek, um, 5 years ago, in the corners of Venom*

Juan: Hey, dudes, I think those runaway minions of that idiot scientist are around here, somewhere...


Jose: *looks around* You sure? It's pretty empty to me. Givin' me the creeps.

Mikey: *smirks* They can't be that far away now, can they?

Jose: .....MAYBE.

Juan: Bah. Doubt it.

Jose: So, Juan, still have that bunny?

Juan: *glares* Now, why do ya think that?

Mikey: He always thought you were a girl at heart...

Juan: Shut up, before I come over there and rip your tounge out!!!

Mikey: *swears under his breath*

Jose: ..Hmm? *looks at radar* ...Still nothing.

Juan: Huh...wierd. Guess this mission was all a joke. Let's head ho- *over a million battleships and arwings seem to appear out of nowhere* Oh, son of a....

Mikey: Heh...You were saying?

Juan: ...You.....*glares at monitor, then glares at radar*

Mikey: You guys are such fools..All I had to do was gain your trust...Then lead you into this little trap I made...Too easy!

Jose: Why? Why did you-

Mikey: Save your breath..*smirks* I would deal with them first...If I were you...Ta-ta! *zooms away*

Juan: *slams head on monitor* That motherfuckin' son of a bitch!

Jose: ...We might as well go out swingin...*readies lasers*

Juan: *anger vein* I swear, if you do this....You're not going to stand a chance!!

Jose: ...And what of yourself?

Juan: ......You'll find out, if I meet up with you in hell. *fires lasers*

Jose: ..Heh.

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*5 years later, on the Great Fox*

Lucario: Sooo...Ready to go?

Mari: Mam, yes, mam!

Flarg: SIRYESSIR

Lucario: *drop kicks Flarg* I'M A GIRL!

Thro: ...orly?

Lucario: Yarly...Even ROB can agree on that!

ROB: I SAY THAT LUCARIO IS A FEMALE BECAUSE IT'S TOO SEXY TO BE A MALE

Juan: So he says...*sips soda*

Lucario: So....Juan will lead this mission, since he is a veteran pilot.

Flarg: He's vereran EVERYTHING. >_>

Juan: *kicks Flarg* Watch your mouth...I know alot more than you do.

Flarg: And you'll end up calling us, "whippersnapper?"

Juan: *looks at himself* I don't look that old....So..*grabs Flarg, then tosses him in the trash can*

Lucario: Okay, briefing over! GO TO CORNERIA, ALREADY!

Everyone: RIGHT!

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[Kuroma]

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Chapter 1- INFLILIMITRATION AND OTHER STUFF
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*At Corneria Cityyy....THE AWESOME FOURSOME ARE IN ARWINGS*

Mari: All ships report in!

Flarco: I IS NUMBER TWO!

Thro: ..number three?

Juan: negetive zero.

Everyone but Juan: HUH?

Juan: ...Shut up and focus. *pokes radar*

Mari: Fudgecakes! *looks* Enemies comming in from both sides!

Flarco: Do they like explosions?

Mari: That's a stupid question, of course they do! LET 'EM HAVE IT! *unleashes the wrath of LAZOOOOOOOOOOORZ*

Juan: Hey, Mari....*glares at monitor*

Mari: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah?

Juan: ...I suggest you cool it with the lasers...

Mari: ...Party pooper. *shoots alot less*

Flarco: YOU STOLE MY KILL! ;-;

Thro: Ouch. Much ouch.

Enemy Ship: Aquiring target....*locks onto Mari* Target aquired *fires lasers*

Juan: *spots the ship* Oh, son on a.....MARI, DO A BARREL ROLL!!!

Mari: Say wha- *sees the lasers aiming for her; barrel rolls to deflect them* Oh god, I really feel as if I'm IN a barrel...

Juan: *swoops down and launches a bomb at the ship; the ship blows up into tiny pieces* You can stop now...

Flarco: Juan...sounds soooo serious.

Thro: Tell me, after millions of missions like these, wouldn't YOU feel, and sound, the same way?

Flarco: ....*looks at the what used to be the city* ...Oh, god...

Mari: *sighs* Andrennis has some nerve.

Juan: *tightens his grip on the Arwing controls* ...

Thro: *looks to the right of him* Aw, crap, more enemy ships...*shoots a few of the ships down*

Flarco: Now that's just messed up! *looking to the left, enemy ships tailing Mari*

Mari: Son of a buiscuit-eatting bulldog! I can't get these bastards off me!

Juan: ...*flicks a switch; lasers fly and hit all the ships tailing Mari simultainiously* You're welcome.

Mari: Uh, thanks? Anyway, any more ships?

Flarco: *looks at the radar* Nope, none. Let's- *hears a big blip on the radar* Uh oh....I think we got a big one comming.

Thro: Mmmm, I love fish.

Flarco: Not a fish, a huge enemy! T_T

Mari: And just when things begin to calm down.....*a metalic hydra emerges from the center of the city* So, this is another one of Andrennis's monsters? A hydra? I feel sorry for the poor thing..

Juan: *glares* Don't be...Otherwise, that thing is going to rip you to shreds.

Thro: Hey, leave her alone, yo-

Juan: *sighs angerly* I know that you care for her and all, but she can't feel sorry for a bastard that was created by a mad scientist. So shut the fuck up and get ready to kill that damn thing!

Hydra: *hovering, roaring with rage, yet tears flow from its eyes* SSSSSSSSSSSSSSYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Mari: ...(That thing's in pain...And to think we're only going to cause it even more...) *sighs* What's the order, Juan?

Juan: Simple. Thro, you act as a destraction. Flarco, when its back is turned, fire bombs at its tail. Mari, you aim for the head. I'll assist you. The weakness of this thing is its head and its tail. Although, it'll be harder if there wasn't a destraction...

Thro: *whine* I'm ALWAYS the meat shield...

Juan: *grunt* Do a little better at shooting stuff and maybe you'll progress. Everybody! Get ready!

Hydra: SYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *three jewels on its head fire rockets toward the group*

Thro: o.O Uuuuuh....*BOOSTS! then fires lasers at its mouth* Cooome and get me?

Hydra: *hisses, then fires beams at Thro*

Mari: Alright..Let's see what this does! *zooms over the Hydra, then activates both laser cannons and fires at the jewels on its head*

Flarco: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALRIGHT! *looks at status; only has 4 bombs* Aw, crap. Gotta make this last....*fires a bomb at the Hydra's tail*

Juan: ...Hmpf. *charges up* This better work, or I'll be on your ass. Luckurio...

Thro: *barrel rolls to deflect the beam* Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! Why meeeeeeeeee?

Hyrda: *hisses in extreme pain* SSSSSSSSSSSSSYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *a metallic shield covers up the jewels; opens its mouth and releases many parasites into the air*

Flarco: AW, SON OF A BUISCUIT! *turns his attention to the parasites and fires at them*

Thro: Huh? *parasites attach to his arwing and begin draining the energy from it* Uh......

Mari: *tries penetrating the shields, but to no avail* Some defense systems. *turns around and opens fire on the parasites* Sorry 'bout this, thro...

Thro: *lasers hit; arwing takes severe damage* I....don't think I can hold on much longer.. What WERE those things?

Mari: Oh, you can...Those things were Aranba, parasites that feed off of the fuel of arwings. If one latches on, it's pretty much certain death unless a teammate kills them.

Juan: *skillfully dodges the aranba using barrel rolls and loops while still charging* Freakin' hydra..you make me sick.

AI: Charge Complete. Fire Nova Beam?

Juan: *locks onto the hydra* Yes. Fire. *both laser cannons are put away and one big cannon comes out and fires a purpleish blue beam straight into the hydra's mouth*

Hydra: SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! *coughs up oil and blood, its eyes falling out of their sockets; they are replaced by two bright sapphires*

Juan: Bingo.....*big cannon is put away as the two laser cannons come out* Mari, finish it off, quick!

Mari: ...Yessir...*targets the Hydra's "eyes"* (....Is it really what it wants? To die by our hands? All because Andrennis caused it to be used for destruction?) ....


Juan: ....Mari, stop frickin' hesitating and shoot!

Flarco: *the hydra's eyes fall onto his windshield* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, SCARY EYES! *barrel rolls to try to get 'em off*


Mari: ....*fires three times; a cloud of smoke shrouds the hydra*

Juan: .....Done for- Huh? *smoke clears; a smaller hydra hovers in the air, then falls down onto Mari's windshield* ..Okay, what the hell?!?

Mari: Mission accomplished, shall be go? *turns around and heads on to the Great Fox*

Juan: ....What...did..she do? T_T *follows along with Thro and Flarco*








*Baaaack at the Great Fox*

Lucario(now Luckurio) and Juan: YOU WHAT?!?

Mari: Yep, I merely aimed at the nostrils and look what I got? *holds up the mini hydra; the hydra hisses happily* A cuuute hydra!

Juan: *anger vein* You disobeyed an order just to-

Luckurio: Calm down..I'm pretty sure it wasn't the Hydra's fault that it cause so much destruction. After all, it didn't have any control over its actions during that time.

Juan: ...*grunts, then begins to walk away*

Luckurio: *sigh* Guess he's still reminded of your father, Mari...

Mari: My dad probably wishes he'd stop moping around like that. *folds arms across her chest*

Thro: Sooo, are we getting paid?

Flarco: ARE WE? I NEED TO BUY A NEW GAMECUBE SOOOOO BADLY!

Luckurio: Oh, that? Weelll...

Thro: Whaaat is it?

Flarco: NO REALLY, WHAT?

Luckurio: *smirks* I lied so you would get the job done. Teehee! *Thro and Flarco do a facefall*

ROB: SHE PAYS YOU OFF WITH SMEXYNESS, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

Luckurio: *stares at ROB* ...You disturb me. Nasty thoughts...

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Yaaaa-boo?

[Kuroma]

*Still in the Great Fox*

Luckurio: EVERYBODY, FRONT AND CENTER! *The Star Fox Crew lines up in front of Luckurio* Listen up! You guys are the top Arwing pilots of the Lylat System. Now, you gotta use those skills and- *sees Thro moping around* What's wrong?

Thro: *sniffle* Mari dumped me *whiiine*

ROB: APPARENTLY, YOUR SERIOUS ATTITUDE IS A HUGE TURN-OFF TO GIRLS.

Thro: ....*punches ROB* Shut up, I can't help it!

ROB: GIRLS DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU PUNCH ROBOTS.

Flarco: Luckurio, are you SUUURE that robot wasn't programed by..Uh, you know..

Luckurio: Unfortunately, he is.

Mari: *cough*

Luckurio: A-Anyway, you have to use your skills..all of them..in this next mission. Andrennis, that evil, definently-not-sexy scientist, has sent his little minions to Ziroku Outpost, a little...place that floats in space, holding a vast amount of weapons. Your mission is to go there, kill off those minions, and make sure that the reinforcements don't arrive to claim the weapons. Understood?

Flarco: Um, question..

Luckurio: What is it?

Flarco: *gulps* I heard about...this small group of mercenaries known as.."Los Lobos Mercenarios"...or Team Star Wolf..

Luckurio: *nods* Yeah, I've heard of them too. They might be as good as you little..trainees are. *looks at Juan* Can't possibly be as good as Juan, here. *Juan grunts.* If they are found working with the enemy, you have to kill them off, too.

ROB: UNLESS ONE OF THE MEMBERS HAPPENS TO BE SEXY.

Luckurio: You know what? *grabs ROB, then tosses him against the wall* Shut yer yap. PLEASE.

ROB: ...AlThoUGH iT wON't bE LiKEly...

Mari: Question, is Juan going to be Mr. Crankypants today?

Juan: *mumbles* watch your mouth, McCloud...

Luckurio: ...uuuh...let's not go there. Everybody, out!

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*At the Ziroku Outpost...*



Minion 1: Hehheheh...*places his hands on a prototype blaster* A lovely weapon...Perfect for obbliterating those of Team Star Fox...

Minion 2: And with at least one Star Wolf member on our side, we're sure to win..Maybe our master will let us keep these blasters as a present?

Minion 1: Yeah, sure. Doubt it. Anyway, I heard Star Wolf got a new recruit..A cougar guy. Really scary guy. He blew up a whole building with just one- JUST ONE..- shot from his blaster. They hired him on the spot...

Minion 2: A cougar? I thought he was a panther.

Minion 1: I'm not sure...A lion?

2: A tiger?

1: A bear?

2: No way, a bear is too ugly...A CHEETAH!

1: ...Yeah, you're right, he's a panther.

2: *not noticing the arwing zooming around their section* Really? No wonder. Panthers are sexy, ya know? I mean, c'mon, that soft fur...

1: Nah, I've seen sexier lions. Their great manes, their sharp teeth....

2: Yeah, riii- *arwing launches a Nova Beam; whole section explodes into blue flames*

Juan: *one piloting the arwing* Sector one, completely obliterated. All that's left is a huge ass flame.

Luckurio(voice only): No need to be so harsh. Goodness. Save it for Mikey, will ya?

Juan: ...*turns off radio* No need to tell me twice. *Zooms away*

Mari: *in sector 3* Well now...*lasers target her; expertly barrel rolls to deflect them* Sooo touchy. Buuut...*launches a bomb; whole sector explodes* They can't touch this! ;P

Flarco: Tell me again...Why am I stuck in sector two? And why isn't thro here?

Mari: Because, he's still moping around. For some reason or another.

Flarco: ...rats. *dodges lasers, and counterattacks; half the sector is destroyed* Kinda easy.

Mari: Yeah, pretty easy- *another arwing comes up on radar* ..Wierd...Juan?

Juan: Yeah?

Mari: Did you destroy the reinforcements?

Juan: ..Yep, waaaay before you two got here. Why?

Mari: You missed one...

Juan: ....Dammit.

Flarco: *busy destroying the other half of his sector when..A laser hits his arwing's left wing* Shit! Who just fired? *turns around and faces a red arwing; its pilot was a Flamingo*

???: Tsk, you should never underestimate the difficulty of a mission...

Flarco: *growls* Who the hell are you?

???: I'm of Team Star Wolf.....Joanna. You must be of Team Star Fox. And, as my current duty, I must destroy you and your little friends...

Mari: *speeding straight toward Joanna* EAT THIS! *fires*

Joanna: Urgh! *right wing is damaged* You naughty little girl...*counterattacks*

Juan: ...a cat fight?

ROB(voice only): WHY CAN'T I SEE IT ALL?

Juan: Twenty bucks and I'll get you a video of all the action.

ROB(VO): TEMPTING. VERY TEMPTING.

Juan: *recording* Make up your damn mind.

ROB(VO): WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID THIS?

Juan: *snorts* When Mari was a 5-year old, fighting a panther..guy..of the same age. Damn funny, I tell you.

ROB(VO): GET ME THE VIDEO.

Juan: Keep your head- *Joanna's Arwing begins to fail* ..on. Damn! Mari's the victor.

ROB(VO): WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT THAT? MARI'S HOT.

Juan: ...nothing..*sigh* She reminds me too much of her father..

ROB(VO): IS SHE DOING HER SEXY VICTORY DANCE?

Juan: ...Okay, shut it. She's giving us the thumbs-up, and- *whole outpost explodes* ....Luckurio's not going to like this..

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mwahahaha...ha...

[Convictor]

PANTHER, WHAT? WHAT? PANTHER? OSHZ (yeah, i just felt like commenting) ^o^
oh the destruction, oh the comedy and flirting ROB, oh the moody Juan, it's almost Perilous ;3
Hooray for uppitydate =D